Explain wealthy men and mail order brides

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many men in America, wealthy men also, prefer women from overseas because their culture of growing up was to always take care of their bodies and appearance. It's to be respectful. Doesn't always mean being a "slave", but more taking care of one self. I have two friends from the EU/Russia area and they both moved here around 2005. They are both married and have kids. They still take care of their looks and are always on top of things. I asked them how they are always so focused on being neat and mature. They actually told me it was their culture and their parents (mother mainly) who taught them that's how you behave.

And yes they are both married to wealthy highly successful men. But, they are not old men. About the same age or maybe 4-5 year difference.

I have a male friend (American, very successful, not very attractive) who married a gorgeous, significantly younger woman from Belarus. She's highly educated, works very hard, and actually out earns him. But on top of that, her whole life is like a grand performance of femininity. She is perfectly groomed from head to toe at all times. She is always perfectly dressed and made up. She speaks carefully in a soft, lilting voice. Whatever is actually going on in their marriage (I have no idea), she acts like he's the greatest man in the world.

I can see why he'd want her. She's rich, she's savvy, AND she takes a lot of care to look perfect at all times and be the perfect wife.
I can see why she'd want him. Even though he's older an not very attractive, he probably treats her better than a man from Eastern Europe would.

From my perspective, I just don't understand how she manages. I don't know when she sleeps. I'm in awe of how she's able to be so perfect, but I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Do they have children? I don’t know how women pull this off with children unless they have nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. Melania never seemed happy.

Well, she may be annoyed with him now but 20 years ago that definitely wasn't the case. I'm sure she was on cloud nine to be marrying a rich dude, especially considering her escort past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many men in America, wealthy men also, prefer women from overseas because their culture of growing up was to always take care of their bodies and appearance. It's to be respectful. Doesn't always mean being a "slave", but more taking care of one self. I have two friends from the EU/Russia area and they both moved here around 2005. They are both married and have kids. They still take care of their looks and are always on top of things. I asked them how they are always so focused on being neat and mature. They actually told me it was their culture and their parents (mother mainly) who taught them that's how you behave.

And yes they are both married to wealthy highly successful men. But, they are not old men. About the same age or maybe 4-5 year difference.

I have a male friend (American, very successful, not very attractive) who married a gorgeous, significantly younger woman from Belarus. She's highly educated, works very hard, and actually out earns him. But on top of that, her whole life is like a grand performance of femininity. She is perfectly groomed from head to toe at all times. She is always perfectly dressed and made up. She speaks carefully in a soft, lilting voice. Whatever is actually going on in their marriage (I have no idea), she acts like he's the greatest man in the world.

I can see why he'd want her. She's rich, she's savvy, AND she takes a lot of care to look perfect at all times and be the perfect wife.
I can see why she'd want him. Even though he's older an not very attractive, he probably treats her better than a man from Eastern Europe would.

From my perspective, I just don't understand how she manages. I don't know when she sleeps. I'm in awe of how she's able to be so perfect, but I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Do they have children? I don’t know how women pull this off with children unless they have nannies.

There are plenty of women who have children and take care of their bodies and looks. It just takes the want and effort, which sadly many do not have. I know two moms who look stunning and they have at least two kids. One woman has three daughters under 9 years old and she's a mirror image of Kelly Preston. She runs almost everyday at 5:30am and has an incredible body. Her and her husband both work. No nanny. Another friend just had her second kid a year ago and currently wears a size 2. Every time I see her she's in nice make up and neat clothes. Very pretty. Both her and her husband work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. Melania never seemed happy.

Well, she may be annoyed with him now but 20 years ago that definitely wasn't the case. I'm sure she was on cloud nine to be marrying a rich dude, especially considering her escort past.

One article I read this week says she spends her time at Mar a Lago hanging with her parents and sister and raising her son. Her main outings are do the club's spa. How much time can you really spend in the spa getting treatments every day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American women have more opportunities, don't *need* a man.

Women from 3rd world countries have limited options.

I know a few women from former 3rd world countries who married American men

So this boils down to human rights. We should all be working towards giving women options beyond pleasing some man with your body.

sure, but until then, this is what a lot of women from 3rd world countries do.

Not that different to "mail order brides" out west in the US during the western expansion, or what the Brits or Canadians did in their former colonies. Basically, women who had no future or options in their home country became mail ordered brides.

This is what the French did to populate Canada -- Filles du Roi -- where women were sent to Canada in the 17th century where there were a dearth of women.

The former 3rd world country where I knew some women who were mail order brides is no longer a 3rd world country. Women there have a lot more options now. Women are getting married much later and are choosier, and the birth rate has declined. That society doesn't have great maternity leave or equal pay protections, so women are careful about their path. Getting married and having kids locks you in a path more so than in the developed western world.

Today, in the US, it's harder for men to find a women who is willing to put up with his BS. Men, particularly rich men, want women to cater to them. Hence, they look to exploit women who are desparate to escape situations where they have very little means and options. Those womend do this willingly. Let's not make them out to be complete victims. They know what they are doing. They want a cushy life (not blaming them). So, why not? American women here have and do still do the same thing. But, men know that American women are less likely to put up with their BS.

You know you keep posting these sweeping generalizations of women, men and marriage but do not back it up with any facts. I think you are just in the camp that all married women are exploited and are putting up with their DH BS? If you are so unhappy being married divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was I a mail order bride ? I don’t know. I am Russian, met my exH online at 24, when he was 35 and already divorced once. He’s also Russian and said he just looked for someone of same culture. I was a lawyer in Moscow, and all my boyfriends were wealthy (oil, gas, legal, banking, security services “covering” businesses). I am 5.9 and was very good looking in my 20s. I would say, my American online date was not the wealthiest date, but I fell for him because he was very driven. We got married within a year, I found legal job in DC right away and worked through our marriage. We had one child. He cheated on me with Serbian woman his age and we recently divorced. He was very controlling, old fashioned husband and not a very engaged dad. Liked sex a lot but got bored after 7 years or (needed toys).
I just think he’s a womanizer and American women wouldn’t have tolerated this. I feel like my life was bulldozed all over and really want to move back to Moscow when my son finishes college.

No, you weren't a mail order bride. That term only applies to women marrying 'Murcan losers for a green card.
I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they will do stuff in bed that Americans won’t.

Name some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many men in America, wealthy men also, prefer women from overseas because their culture of growing up was to always take care of their bodies and appearance. It's to be respectful. Doesn't always mean being a "slave", but more taking care of one self. I have two friends from the EU/Russia area and they both moved here around 2005. They are both married and have kids. They still take care of their looks and are always on top of things. I asked them how they are always so focused on being neat and mature. They actually told me it was their culture and their parents (mother mainly) who taught them that's how you behave.

And yes they are both married to wealthy highly successful men. But, they are not old men. About the same age or maybe 4-5 year difference.

I have a male friend (American, very successful, not very attractive) who married a gorgeous, significantly younger woman from Belarus. She's highly educated, works very hard, and actually out earns him. But on top of that, her whole life is like a grand performance of femininity. She is perfectly groomed from head to toe at all times. She is always perfectly dressed and made up. She speaks carefully in a soft, lilting voice. Whatever is actually going on in their marriage (I have no idea), she acts like he's the greatest man in the world.

I can see why he'd want her. She's rich, she's savvy, AND she takes a lot of care to look perfect at all times and be the perfect wife.
I can see why she'd want him. Even though he's older an not very attractive, he probably treats her better than a man from Eastern Europe would.

From my perspective, I just don't understand how she manages. I don't know when she sleeps. I'm in awe of how she's able to be so perfect, but I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Do they have children? I don’t know how women pull this off with children unless they have nannies.

They have a young child. There's a nanny and I get the sense that she has a driver. They can afford tons of help.
It's mostly the energy/time that she puts into performing femininity that amazes me. I mean, she looks incredible. She could easily model. I know that a lot of women enjoy spending time/energy on being perfect but most of them aren't also working at such demanding careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. Melania never seemed happy.

Well, she may be annoyed with him now but 20 years ago that definitely wasn't the case. I'm sure she was on cloud nine to be marrying a rich dude, especially considering her escort past.

One article I read this week says she spends her time at Mar a Lago hanging with her parents and sister and raising her son. Her main outings are do the club's spa. How much time can you really spend in the spa getting treatments every day?

What else do you suggest she do? Get a law degree?

I hear what you're saying but, at the end of the day, she's 50+ and Trump is 70+. They are both AARP material.

20 years ago there were parties, and galas, and fashion shows, and overseas trips and throwing money around.. I mean, that's a life an average 25-year-old American woman with student debt and an office job can only dream of. So, yeah, Melania Trump didn't have it too bad as a mail order bride, come to think of it.

[Anonymous]

I’m no American patriot but it’s surprising to me to hear people say that Eastern European women and women in other patriarchal cultures are a good standard to hold yourself to. Yay for you if you like looking hot (I definitely do sometimes) but the reason that Russian women are expected to look beautiful is because of sexist attitudes. I think I read that in Russia, most young women believe that attractiveness is the best quality for a woman to have and older women believe that being a good homemaker is the best quality for a woman to have. Domestic violence that doesn’t cause major injury is legal in Russia. Abortion is heavily restricted, they just barely lifted restrictions on women having certain jobs, and Putin makes rape jokes. And then people are saying “hey you frumpy American women, these Russian woman can look hot, so should you.” What???

I’m happy to live in a place where women are, generally speaking, considered their own humans and not just an adornment for men. (And I applaud Russian feminists who are working hard to change things)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many men in America, wealthy men also, prefer women from overseas because their culture of growing up was to always take care of their bodies and appearance. It's to be respectful. Doesn't always mean being a "slave", but more taking care of one self. I have two friends from the EU/Russia area and they both moved here around 2005. They are both married and have kids. They still take care of their looks and are always on top of things. I asked them how they are always so focused on being neat and mature. They actually told me it was their culture and their parents (mother mainly) who taught them that's how you behave.

And yes they are both married to wealthy highly successful men. But, they are not old men. About the same age or maybe 4-5 year difference.

I have a male friend (American, very successful, not very attractive) who married a gorgeous, significantly younger woman from Belarus. She's highly educated, works very hard, and actually out earns him. But on top of that, her whole life is like a grand performance of femininity. She is perfectly groomed from head to toe at all times. She is always perfectly dressed and made up. She speaks carefully in a soft, lilting voice. Whatever is actually going on in their marriage (I have no idea), she acts like he's the greatest man in the world.

I can see why he'd want her. She's rich, she's savvy, AND she takes a lot of care to look perfect at all times and be the perfect wife.
I can see why she'd want him. Even though he's older an not very attractive, he probably treats her better than a man from Eastern Europe would.

From my perspective, I just don't understand how she manages. I don't know when she sleeps. I'm in awe of how she's able to be so perfect, but I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Do they have children? I don’t know how women pull this off with children unless they have nannies.

There are plenty of women who have children and take care of their bodies and looks. It just takes the want and effort, which sadly many do not have. I know two moms who look stunning and they have at least two kids. One woman has three daughters under 9 years old and she's a mirror image of Kelly Preston. She runs almost everyday at 5:30am and has an incredible body. Her and her husband both work. No nanny. Another friend just had her second kid a year ago and currently wears a size 2. Every time I see her she's in nice make up and neat clothes. Very pretty. Both her and her husband work.

It’s more a paradigm shift. In the past, and in many other countries, women have to look they are 25 when they are 45. Their value and worth are tied to their appearance. They put their time and effort to working towards their worth. It’s like actresses. They have to look a certain way or they don’t get work.

Women in today’s society in the US are permitted to age. We don’t have to run at 5:30am, because that sounds terrible. We can put our time and energy into our children, work, hobbies, and relationships. As we all admit “taking care of you looks” takes a good amount of time and effort. Women are more complex people now and have more options. Sorry for the men who’d like to keep women down by valuing them for their appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

And what's wrong with this? If the man is able to provide a strong home, family, money, future financial stability, comfortable retirement...that's the deal right? That is what SHE GETS for doing HER JOB because HE IS DOING HIS JOB. What is wrong with that?

The issue you have is women in other countries have different priorities than you. Since they are different it's wrong. In their eyes you are wrong. In reality neither are wrong.

What’s wrong with that… hmm where to start.

1) You’re only qualified for a job as a domestic worker so your outside options are limited.
2) If outside options are limited, you’ll settle for a guy because he has money and not because you love him OR you’ll settle in general because you can’t imagine trying to get someone else or make your own way in the world past a certain age.
3) It will make it very hard to leave even if there is abuse, adultery, addiction, or lack of love, because you’re financially dependent.
4) Your sense of self comes from pleasing and taking care of someone else, not from your own innate abilities and talents. This hurts your self esteem in the long run.
5) Whoever controls the money has more control over a very important resource in the relationship, and this affects the power dynamic.
6) I could go on but basically if you were a woman you would have seen up close in your mother, your aunts, your grandmother, your cousins that this is a sh*t deal for women that rarely goes in their favor.

Patriarchy 101. You’re welcome!

This is a great summary…which should send a chill down the spine of many suburban moms on DCUM.

They are called “ desperate” housewives for a reason.

It’s not a judgment on women who choose this as the least worst option. For many women around the world, it is. But in every country where women have access to economic and educational activities, the marriage and birth rate drops. That fact should tell you something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m no American patriot but it’s surprising to me to hear people say that Eastern European women and women in other patriarchal cultures are a good standard to hold yourself to. Yay for you if you like looking hot (I definitely do sometimes) but the reason that Russian women are expected to look beautiful is because of sexist attitudes. I think I read that in Russia, most young women believe that attractiveness is the best quality for a woman to have and older women believe that being a good homemaker is the best quality for a woman to have. Domestic violence that doesn’t cause major injury is legal in Russia. Abortion is heavily restricted, they just barely lifted restrictions on women having certain jobs, and Putin makes rape jokes. And then people are saying “hey you frumpy American women, these Russian woman can look hot, so should you.” What???

I’m happy to live in a place where women are, generally speaking, considered their own humans and not just an adornment for men. (And I applaud Russian feminists who are working hard to change things)

I have a Russian friend who doesn't know how to do a lot of things like riding a bike or skating, because her mother would say "you might fall and get a scar and then no one will marry you". She wasn't allowed to read too much, because "then you'll need glasses and no one will marry you". She wasn't allowed to eat bread because "you'll get fat and no one will marry you". An entire childhood designed to not make anything happen which might make her less desirable to a man seeking an ornament.

She's now an adult with a career and two kids with a great man....who she is not married to.

[Anonymous]

I worked with an older guy, close the retirement age, who used to work overseas. He married his SE Asian admin assistant about 35 years younger and brought her back to the US. He’s grossly fat with a huge beer gut and in terrible health. She’s pretty but not like a model and l feel like she’s his caretaker plan for when he can’t take care of himself.

I guess she’s smart, he will probably die after 10 or 15 years.

[Anonymous]

A lot of young, attractive women in Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, are very well educated. But, knowing the culture, the prospects of finding a good man are slim. Many are alcoholics, abuse their women, and generally the cultures have
A lot o misogynistic qualities. Very patriarchal. Also dating older men is much more accepted and even admired. Women often come from a place of knowing how to take care of the house, cook, keep up their appearances and put a man on a pedestal. Women don’t expect a 50/50 setup. Not agreeing with it. But those parts of that Culture are still alive in the FSU. An American man that won’t beat her, isn’t an alcoholic, has financial stability and is generally not a full blown cheating Ahole is considered a catch. Not to mention one with a US passport. The perspective is very different in those parts. This is the way out of a very small world for these women. And education has nothing to do with it