Explain wealthy men and mail order brides

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Up until 10 years ago it made sense for a lot of classy educated beautiful women from Eastern Europe and the former Soviet republics to marry into the west. Now, not so much. The economies have developed and they have much easier access to foreign countries through visas. There are still opportunities for 40 year old guys to marry well particularly if they are willing to marry someone who already has a child/divorced. But anyone older than that will have a lot more trouble. Single beautiful women in those countries have a lot of options. There are plenty of men. However, men age and die much more quickly due to alcoholism and other issues so there is definitely a gender imbalance over age 50. Not so much at younger ages.

That’s what I wrote earlier.

Maybe these women came here to study and then stayed (for the green card or any other reason) when they met an older successful guy. They are not mail-order brides and they’ve been socialized not to see a big age difference as something unnatural.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:There is a significant number of men who just want a somewhat attractive but very submissive wife, one who is not particularly intelligent or confident or opinionated.

Some guys can find that in the usual ways, but if a guy doesn't have a lot of time but does have a lot of money, why not just buy one?

No; they want a wife intelligent enough to consistently give the appearance of submitting and who is also smart enough to make the effort to maintain her physical appearance. I have known plenty of Eastern European women who are devastatingly smart and confident and opinionated. They simply are taught that the way to maintain a marriage to a financially successful man is not by arguing with him openly on a regular basis. They get him addicted to their approval and praise -- expertly faked, however insincere -- and the ego rush of having a fit, well-groomed, and traditionally feminine woman at his side in public. Then they manipulate him ruthlessly to get exactly what they want in the long or short term. Everybody happy.

Fits Melania to a T, non?

Right down to the separate bedrooms and not even having to hold hands!

Do you read this board? Many women would consider separate bedrooms and not holding hands a huge positive. Also they are most likely not having sex…so another huge positive. Sign me up!

Somehow I am guessing that hubby did not quite picture it that way when he orders up his russian hottie.

Yes he thought he was doing better vs his married buddies but in reality he got the same deal

x1000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father’s friends. They may be wealthy but they are old. Beautiful educated women in developed countries aren’t interested.

+1

This. American women put up with much, much, much less crap from rich old dudes (or anyone else, for that matter).

Lol no. How would you know? Are you married to a rich old dude like George Soros? What exactly are “they” putting up with- flying to Beverly Hills for the weekend, private plane for their 4 week vacation on their private island, two nannies and a staff of housekeepers, your kid getting in to any private school or college, etc? Yes American women are just not in to that stuff. I for one would not put up with it! It is much better to work with two weeks vacation- one week at ocean city and the other week going to the IL’s over Christmas!

https://finance.nine.com.au/executive-suite/billionaires-with-much-younger-wives/9932f191-02ef-4bab-8c27-c9ed01cd5b00/12

[Anonymous]

I don't know. Melania never seemed happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. Melania never seemed happy.

You can be poor, middle or rich and unhappy,

[Anonymous]

How much younger are these women? If they are in their 40s it's not that big of a deal. I can see how it would be ridiculous for a 25 year year to marry a 65 year old man. There are also many younger controlling men here in the US. It is not the exclusive domain of wealthy 65 year old men seeking younger foreign women. I have et regular American SAHMs in my upper middle class suburb who are completely dependant and subservient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much younger are these women? If they are in their 40s it's not that big of a deal. I can see how it would be ridiculous for a 25 year year to marry a 65 year old man. There are also many younger controlling men here in the US. It is not the exclusive domain of wealthy 65 year old men seeking younger foreign women. I have et regular American SAHMs in my upper middle class suburb who are completely dependant and subservient.

Agree. Like my mom. She has lived her entire life with zero understanding of the families' finances. She gets cash in an envelop at the beginning of every month and that's it. My parents are white, UMC/wealthy and the same age. This is not a defense of mail order brides! I hate my mom's position and have almost lived my life to be the opposite of my mom. It's obviously much worse for foreign women for all the trapping previously mentioned, plus once they have a child in the U.S. they are stuck here for 18 years to keep custody even though I know some of them want to go back home to their families after so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. Aren't there plenty of American women in May-December relationship? Why single out Eastern European women?

Talk about a euphemism.

Now we might call those relationships “transactional”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many men in America, wealthy men also, prefer women from overseas because their culture of growing up was to always take care of their bodies and appearance. It's to be respectful. Doesn't always mean being a "slave", but more taking care of one self. I have two friends from the EU/Russia area and they both moved here around 2005. They are both married and have kids. They still take care of their looks and are always on top of things. I asked them how they are always so focused on being neat and mature. They actually told me it was their culture and their parents (mother mainly) who taught them that's how you behave.

And yes they are both married to wealthy highly successful men. But, they are not old men. About the same age or maybe 4-5 year difference.

I have a male friend (American, very successful, not very attractive) who married a gorgeous, significantly younger woman from Belarus. She's highly educated, works very hard, and actually out earns him. But on top of that, her whole life is like a grand performance of femininity. She is perfectly groomed from head to toe at all times. She is always perfectly dressed and made up. She speaks carefully in a soft, lilting voice. Whatever is actually going on in their marriage (I have no idea), she acts like he's the greatest man in the world.

I can see why he'd want her. She's rich, she's savvy, AND she takes a lot of care to look perfect at all times and be the perfect wife.
I can see why she'd want him. Even though he's older an not very attractive, he probably treats her better than a man from Eastern Europe would.

From my perspective, I just don't understand how she manages. I don't know when she sleeps. I'm in awe of how she's able to be so perfect, but I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

And what's wrong with this? If the man is able to provide a strong home, family, money, future financial stability, comfortable retirement...that's the deal right? That is what SHE GETS for doing HER JOB because HE IS DOING HIS JOB. What is wrong with that?

The issue you have is women in other countries have different priorities than you. Since they are different it's wrong. In their eyes you are wrong. In reality neither are wrong.

What’s wrong with that… hmm where to start.

1) You’re only qualified for a job as a domestic worker so your outside options are limited.
2) If outside options are limited, you’ll settle for a guy because he has money and not because you love him OR you’ll settle in general because you can’t imagine trying to get someone else or make your own way in the world past a certain age.
3) It will make it very hard to leave even if there is abuse, adultery, addiction, or lack of love, because you’re financially dependent.
4) Your sense of self comes from pleasing and taking care of someone else, not from your own innate abilities and talents. This hurts your self esteem in the long run.
5) Whoever controls the money has more control over a very important resource in the relationship, and this affects the power dynamic.
6) I could go on but basically if you were a woman you would have seen up close in your mother, your aunts, your grandmother, your cousins that this is a sh*t deal for women that rarely goes in their favor.

Patriarchy 101. You’re welcome!

This is a great summary…which should send a chill down the spine of many suburban moms on DCUM.

They are called “ desperate” housewives for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:American women have more opportunities, don't *need* a man.

Women from 3rd world countries have limited options.

I know a few women from former 3rd world countries who married American men

So this boils down to human rights. We should all be working towards giving women options beyond pleasing some man with your body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father’s friends. They may be wealthy but they are old. Beautiful educated women in developed countries aren’t interested.

+1

This. American women put up with much, much, much less crap from rich old dudes (or anyone else, for that matter).

Lol no. How would you know? Are you married to a rich old dude like George Soros? What exactly are “they” putting up with- flying to Beverly Hills for the weekend, private plane for their 4 week vacation on their private island, two nannies and a staff of housekeepers, your kid getting in to any private school or college, etc? Yes American women are just not in to that stuff. I for one would not put up with it! It is much better to work with two weeks vacation- one week at ocean city and the other week going to the IL’s over Christmas!

https://finance.nine.com.au/executive-suite/billionaires-with-much-younger-wives/9932f191-02ef-4bab-8c27-c9ed01cd5b00/12

To quote my mom, when she saw couples like this, “but the night always comes.”

No amount of money….

[Anonymous]

Maybe they were searching for something in particular and that’s a wife from x country? X’X tall, xxx colored eyes, xxxxx hair, xxxxx culture.

It’s not that hard.

It’s like shopping for an egg donor for some men, but a whole wife. And they get to travel, theirs a few documentaries on this. Unfortunately some like the language barrier(if their is one.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

And what's wrong with this? If the man is able to provide a strong home, family, money, future financial stability, comfortable retirement...that's the deal right? That is what SHE GETS for doing HER JOB because HE IS DOING HIS JOB. What is wrong with that?

The issue you have is women in other countries have different priorities than you. Since they are different it's wrong. In their eyes you are wrong. In reality neither are wrong.

Agreed. The amount of generalizing and name-calling about a region of 200+ million people is astouding. I've lived in or traveled to most FSU countries. I speak fluent Russian. Age gaps in relationships are more socially acceptable. It's not always about the money. There just aren't that many suitable men. The average life expectancy of a man in Russia is about 68 years old, compared to 78 in the US. Alcohol is a big factor -- a lot of men die young due to drunk driving, getting drunk and falling out of a window, getting drunk walking and falling asleep in a snow drift, and so on.

Yes, the culture is different. Men are expected to be the providers. One woman I dated would never pay for anything, but would also never accept money from me. Even if I put her in a taxi home, she'd have me give the money to the driver not her.

I find it amazing people are being so critical of other cultures. No one is being forced to do anything against their will. So what if there's an age gap in a relationship as long as both sides are OK with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American women have more opportunities, don't *need* a man.

Women from 3rd world countries have limited options.

I know a few women from former 3rd world countries who married American men

So this boils down to human rights. We should all be working towards giving women options beyond pleasing some man with your body.

sure, but until then, this is what a lot of women from 3rd world countries do.

Not that different to "mail order brides" out west in the US during the western expansion, or what the Brits or Canadians did in their former colonies. Basically, women who had no future or options in their home country became mail ordered brides.

This is what the French did to populate Canada -- Filles du Roi -- where women were sent to Canada in the 17th century where there were a dearth of women.

The former 3rd world country where I knew some women who were mail order brides is no longer a 3rd world country. Women there have a lot more options now. Women are getting married much later and are choosier, and the birth rate has declined. That society doesn't have great maternity leave or equal pay protections, so women are careful about their path. Getting married and having kids locks you in a path more so than in the developed western world.

Today, in the US, it's harder for men to find a women who is willing to put up with his BS. Men, particularly rich men, want women to cater to them. Hence, they look to exploit women who are desparate to escape situations where they have very little means and options. Those womend do this willingly. Let's not make them out to be complete victims. They know what they are doing. They want a cushy life (not blaming them). So, why not? American women here have and do still do the same thing. But, men know that American women are less likely to put up with their BS.