SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for your SD in knowing the worth of her time!

So many professional women still don't know this nor how to advocate for themselves.

I don't see her actions as rude. People are perceiving her actions as rude because she's female and females are supposed to be meek, accommodating, and apologetic.

If a teen boy had been asked to mow 4 acres of grass for $10 an hour and laughed while saying no, that's too low and not his rates, no one would have an issue, I guarantee.

From OP post - My daughter laughed in her face and said she was not running a charity and wished her luck finding a babysitter for her cheap price. My daughter then proceeded to walk away laughing.

And you don’t think this is rude????

What is rude is the adult countering the $25 with $10. Entitled and gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you’re trolling. Your SD was incredibly rude and step or not, I’d have let her know that. It’s fine that they had different ideas of the price and for your SD to decline the job, but laughing at your SIL was way out of line.

Is your SIL from your side of the family or your dh’s?

'Different ideas of the price?" LOL! SIL was rude, $2.50/hour per kid for FOUR kids is a complete insult and she tried to take advantage of a teenager, thinking she'd fold to keep peace in the family. Sorry, but no. She's mad because she's embarrassed, which she should be.

+1. It’s not the teenager’s job to make the aunt feel better about what she tried to do.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. To answer a few questions I am related to my SIL through my brother. My step daughter is from my husbands first marriage and she lives with us full time. I do not discipline her. On the rare occasion she has been grounded it was her dads decision.

In my area $25/hour for 4 kids is the norm. She could have charged more. She could probably charge me more for watching her siblings during the week. Seriously you don't pay those rates you are going to have a hard time finding a sitter especially on the weekends.

I was there when SIL made her low ball offer and my daughter laughed at her and made the charity comment and walked away laughing. I did not do anything because SIL offer was insulting to my daughter. Ya she could have handled it differently but I am not going to get on to her and her dad does not care. She stood up for herself.

My brother says she needs to apologize. I told him his wife needs to apologize for her low ball offer and trying to take advantage of my daughter because she is family. So we are at an impasse now. I asked my brother if his wife managed to find a babysitter for $10 an hour. He called me a smart ass and hung up on me. He knows I am right about this.

He called you a smartass because he know dann well nobody is babysitting his four kids for $10. So sad. Glad you and SD are standing your ground. Brother and SIL are ridiculous and need to put on their adult pants and get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$25 for a teenager is absurd, especially for family. SD is entitled and it is your fault. You should try raising your own kids vs having her raise them.

Wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$25 for a teenager is absurd, especially for family. SD is entitled and it is your fault. You should try raising your own kids vs having her raise them.

I think dd was rude but was correct to turn down the job (though she should have done so firmly but politely). We pay 20/hr for our 3 kids. The suggestion of $10/hr is ridiculous and I have to imagine SIL knows this if she’s ever tried to hire a sitter before. It was also rude of SIL to devalue dds labor by offering to pay less than half the going rate.

This is a teenager. And family.

So what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$25 for a teenager is absurd, especially for family. SD is entitled and it is your fault. You should try raising your own kids vs having her raise them.

Totally hysterical.that you think her husband's sister's stepdaughter owes her below minimum wage babysitting for FOUR kids because they're "family."

News flash: Your choice to have four kids entitles you to absolutely nothing from anyone. Hope they enjoyed their date night at home on the couch.

[Anonymous]

Someone posted online, recently (!) offering to pay $6/hour for a part time Nanny. Thankfully everyone is aware that isn't even a legal wage in Virginia. What a crazy person to think they can pay someone that.

[Anonymous]

She didn't need to laugh in her aunt's face. She could have made her point without that. A simple "I charge $25/hour" might have been more effective.

Your SIL though... wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She didn't need to laugh in her aunt's face. She could have made her point without that. A simple "I charge $25/hour" might have been more effective.

Your SIL though... wow.

Quoting myself. You could tell your brother something like "so we agree she won't be babysitting for you."

[Anonymous]

Your SIL lacks market awareness of going rate. Your daughter lacks tact.

Your SIL will learn the going rate. I hope your daughter learns tact.

No apologies needed- from anyone- but I'd avoid your daughter if I were SIL. Wouldn't need my kids 'learning' from her so she lucked out here to not need her services.

I'd like to think positive- but 16 is much too young to have an overinflated self-worth and to react in that way. This could go badly for her if she can't course-correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your SIL lacks market awareness of going rate. Your daughter lacks tact.

Your SIL will learn the going rate. I hope your daughter learns tact.

No apologies needed- from anyone- but I'd avoid your daughter if I were SIL. Wouldn't need my kids 'learning' from her so she lucked out here to not need her services.

I'd like to think positive- but 16 is much too young to have an overinflated self-worth and to react in that way. This could go badly for her if she can't course-correct.

The daughter does not have “overinflated self-worth” whatsoever. Dial it down, Grandma.

[Anonymous]

Your brother and SIL knew full well what the market rate was- they have 4 kids who are not infants, so this isn’t their first rodeo— unless they’ve never hired a sitter before.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe the SIL is blowing up the family over $60.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It makes me crazy when teenage girls, or even young women, don’t stand up for themselves or state clearly what they charge for things like babysitting.

Good for your daughter! Laughing in your sil’s face is rude but refusing to work for a really low amount of money is going to serve your daughter well in the long run.

+1

Leave it alone. Certainly don't force her to apologize. If she asks about your thoughts on the drama, you can tell her that you're proud that she didn't compromise on the price but that she could have done so in a less insulting manner. In the end I think your sil is being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

The cheap thing is always amazing. I had a neighbor with 4 kids (2 were 1,3) who wanted to pay my DD $6/hr and $3 when “the baby was sleeping …” they now live in a new $1.5M home … I said ummm no way. The whole thing so insulting and ridiculous.