Houseguests…so confused

[Anonymous]

DH and I do not invite anyone to stay with us during the school year, unless it is a long break like the winter holidays, or spring break. We have too much going on with work, school, kid activities during the non-holiday school year to be good hosts. We freely invite people during school breaks and over the summer, and we are very good hosts who spend lots of quality time with our guests. We cook, clean, plan activities, and cater to our guests in every way, WHEN we are up for hosting them.

DH’s parents wanted to come visit from this Thursday-Monday in order to attend a wedding that *our family was not invited to and has no connection with* about 20 minutes from our house. ILs live about a 2-hour drive from our house, a 2.5-hour drive from the event venue. They are well-off and easily could have afforded a hotel, especially given there was a hotel room block for this wedding.

We said yes, but DH made it crystal clear that they are welcome to stay, but we aren’t up for “hosting-hosting” during a busy time; our kids are still in school until the middle of next week. We have a busy weekend this weekend, as usual. Our activities a DD sleepover Saturday-to-Sunday that we made sure to tell DH’s parents about, to set expectations. We also have a birthday party for the other DD, Sunday. “Oh yes, that’s fine, we understand. We know you’re busy, we just need a place to sleep, we just wanted to see you a little bit but we’ll mostly be busy with wedding stuff.”

Well, I bet you can see where this is going! Whining: no one was here to greet us Thursday afternoon (they know the garage code). Uh, yeah, as discussed. We’re having lasagna leftovers for dinner?! Yes, we’re not doing a ton of extra cooking, as discussed. Wait, you’re both going to work on Friday?! Yes, as freaking discussed. We’re ordering pizza for dinner?

They went to the wedding yesterday. Now, on Sunday, “Can’t Larla skip the birthday party and spend time with us?” No, she RSVPd and she wants to go. “What do you mean, Janie wants to take a nap after lunch—Janie you shouldn’t go to sleepovers if you’re going to be so tired.” I am over it with their complaints! I am hiding from them because I am so irritated, I don’t want to shout at them to knock it off, we told them this was a busy time. DH is over it and is thinking about asking them to leave this afternoon instead of tomorrow morning. We’re both absolutely over them—we clearly communicated this is not a hosting-hosting visit.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't need to ask them to leave but reiterate this was the plan abd put them on a warning of no more complaints.

[Anonymous]

Just stick to what you've been doing--now they know for the next time they ask that you meant what you said.

[Anonymous]

I feel like if this was a well liked friend you would have made the tiniest effort. But, it's the in-laws so that would be asking too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if this was a well liked friend you would have made the tiniest effort. But, it's the in-laws so that would be asking too much.

Yeah this is just whiny and too rigid. Just be more go with the flow and life will be happier. Besides, isn’t school almost out? Most are out and I know FFX is out Wednesday.

We rarely host during breaks because that’s when we go on vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if this was a well liked friend you would have made the tiniest effort. But, it's the in-laws so that would be asking too much.

OP here. We made the effort of cleaning the house and putting clean sheets on the bed and extra towels in the guest bath. There is nothing wrong with lasagna, or with pizza: and by the way, we’ve eaten both leftovers and pizza in their home before.

No, my daughter isn’t going to skip a birthday party that she RSVPd for before the grandparents asked to stay with us. We went out of our way to explain this was a busy weekend, and we’re not up for hostessing with the mostessing. I am making a very nice dinner tonight, the one non-workday evening they are here with us. I’ve also provided more hot breakfast items than I ever do when it’s just my family in our home.

None of our friends would ever treat us this way. Ever. Especially not after we told them it wasn’t a great time to visit, and they said they understood. My friends know that a free place to stay when they are in town for another event entirely is a GIFT.

At any rate, DH is ready to tell them flat out to stop the complaining. They are beyond rude and we will absolutely never trust that they can handle a visit during a non-holiday/non-summertime ever again.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize. My mom and her DH used to use my sister’s house like their own personal hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just stick to what you've been doing--now they know for the next time they ask that you meant what you said.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if this was a well liked friend you would have made the tiniest effort. But, it's the in-laws so that would be asking too much.

OP here. We made the effort of cleaning the house and putting clean sheets on the bed and extra towels in the guest bath. There is nothing wrong with lasagna, or with pizza: and by the way, we’ve eaten both leftovers and pizza in their home before.

No, my daughter isn’t going to skip a birthday party that she RSVPd for before the grandparents asked to stay with us. We went out of our way to explain this was a busy weekend, and we’re not up for hostessing with the mostessing. I am making a very nice dinner tonight, the one non-workday evening they are here with us. I’ve also provided more hot breakfast items than I ever do when it’s just my family in our home.

None of our friends would ever treat us this way. Ever. Especially not after we told them it wasn’t a great time to visit, and they said they understood. My friends know that a free place to stay when they are in town for another event entirely is a GIFT.

At any rate, DH is ready to tell them flat out to stop the complaining. They are beyond rude and we will absolutely never trust that they can handle a visit during a non-holiday/non-summertime ever again.

You're just looking for a fight today. Why not take a nap since you seem to have below average energy stores?

[Anonymous]

I usually side with the ILs on these kinds of venting posts but OP is right and I would let DH say whatever he wants to them. Let OP be the good cop and him be the bad cop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if this was a well liked friend you would have made the tiniest effort. But, it's the in-laws so that would be asking too much.

OP here. We made the effort of cleaning the house and putting clean sheets on the bed and extra towels in the guest bath. There is nothing wrong with lasagna, or with pizza: and by the way, we’ve eaten both leftovers and pizza in their home before.

No, my daughter isn’t going to skip a birthday party that she RSVPd for before the grandparents asked to stay with us. We went out of our way to explain this was a busy weekend, and we’re not up for hostessing with the mostessing. I am making a very nice dinner tonight, the one non-workday evening they are here with us. I’ve also provided more hot breakfast items than I ever do when it’s just my family in our home.

None of our friends would ever treat us this way. Ever. Especially not after we told them it wasn’t a great time to visit, and they said they understood. My friends know that a free place to stay when they are in town for another event entirely is a GIFT.

At any rate, DH is ready to tell them flat out to stop the complaining. They are beyond rude and we will absolutely never trust that they can handle a visit during a non-holiday/non-summertime ever again.

Have you had dirty sheets on the bed since the last visitor? And putting towels in the bathroom? Nobody is going to accuse you of rolling out the red carped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if this was a well liked friend you would have made the tiniest effort. But, it's the in-laws so that would be asking too much.

OP here. We made the effort of cleaning the house and putting clean sheets on the bed and extra towels in the guest bath. There is nothing wrong with lasagna, or with pizza: and by the way, we’ve eaten both leftovers and pizza in their home before.

No, my daughter isn’t going to skip a birthday party that she RSVPd for before the grandparents asked to stay with us. We went out of our way to explain this was a busy weekend, and we’re not up for hostessing with the mostessing. I am making a very nice dinner tonight, the one non-workday evening they are here with us. I’ve also provided more hot breakfast items than I ever do when it’s just my family in our home.

None of our friends would ever treat us this way. Ever. Especially not after we told them it wasn’t a great time to visit, and they said they understood. My friends know that a free place to stay when they are in town for another event entirely is a GIFT.

At any rate, DH is ready to tell them flat out to stop the complaining. They are beyond rude and we will absolutely never trust that they can handle a visit during a non-holiday/non-summertime ever again.

Have you had dirty sheets on the bed since the last visitor? And putting towels in the bathroom? Nobody is going to accuse you of rolling out the red carped.

Because she didn't invite them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if this was a well liked friend you would have made the tiniest effort. But, it's the in-laws so that would be asking too much.

OP here. We made the effort of cleaning the house and putting clean sheets on the bed and extra towels in the guest bath. There is nothing wrong with lasagna, or with pizza: and by the way, we’ve eaten both leftovers and pizza in their home before.

No, my daughter isn’t going to skip a birthday party that she RSVPd for before the grandparents asked to stay with us. We went out of our way to explain this was a busy weekend, and we’re not up for hostessing with the mostessing. I am making a very nice dinner tonight, the one non-workday evening they are here with us. I’ve also provided more hot breakfast items than I ever do when it’s just my family in our home.

None of our friends would ever treat us this way. Ever. Especially not after we told them it wasn’t a great time to visit, and they said they understood. My friends know that a free place to stay when they are in town for another event entirely is a GIFT.

At any rate, DH is ready to tell them flat out to stop the complaining. They are beyond rude and we will absolutely never trust that they can handle a visit during a non-holiday/non-summertime ever again.

Have you had dirty sheets on the bed since the last visitor? And putting towels in the bathroom? Nobody is going to accuse you of rolling out the red carped.

Because she didn't invite them.

Obviously. But what do we care?

[Anonymous]

Let your DH handle it and also learn to either not care or to gently clap back. “Yes, leftovers, like we’ve had at your house” and “we told you it’s a busy weekend!” Or ask, “What’s wrong with pizza on a Friday night?” No need to ask them to leave. That’s very dramatic. You and DH can use your words to politely but firmly and clearly push back against their complaints.

Also, you are actually doing them the compliment of treating them like family, not like visiting royal dignitaries. They want to feel wanted and welcomed. They’re realizing they aren’t at this particular moment, and maybe that’s making them dig in even more. They’ll be gone tomorrow. Just hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like if this was a well liked friend you would have made the tiniest effort. But, it's the in-laws so that would be asking too much.

OP here. We made the effort of cleaning the house and putting clean sheets on the bed and extra towels in the guest bath. There is nothing wrong with lasagna, or with pizza: and by the way, we’ve eaten both leftovers and pizza in their home before.

No, my daughter isn’t going to skip a birthday party that she RSVPd for before the grandparents asked to stay with us. We went out of our way to explain this was a busy weekend, and we’re not up for hostessing with the mostessing. I am making a very nice dinner tonight, the one non-workday evening they are here with us. I’ve also provided more hot breakfast items than I ever do when it’s just my family in our home.

None of our friends would ever treat us this way. Ever. Especially not after we told them it wasn’t a great time to visit, and they said they understood. My friends know that a free place to stay when they are in town for another event entirely is a GIFT.

At any rate, DH is ready to tell them flat out to stop the complaining. They are beyond rude and we will absolutely never trust that they can handle a visit during a non-holiday/non-summertime ever again.

You're just looking for a fight today. Why not take a nap since you seem to have below average energy stores?

NP and it seems you’re the one feeling activated, perhaps because you know you’re an overbearing guest