Houseguests…so confused

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lasagna is actually better the second day, if made properly. I thought this was common knowledge.

Who cares if they served leftovers? It was a homemade meal, this is their family, and they stated upfront they were busy.

The grandparents were totally unreasonable to expect anyone to change plans when the purpose of the visit was free lodging so they could attend a nearby wedding.

This is so twisted to say!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lasagna is actually better the second day, if made properly. I thought this was common knowledge.

Who cares if they served leftovers? It was a homemade meal, this is their family, and they stated upfront they were busy.

The grandparents were totally unreasonable to expect anyone to change plans when the purpose of the visit was free lodging so they could attend a nearby wedding.

This is so twisted to say!

Why? The wedding was an event that nobody else was invited to. The grandparents just needed a place to stay. They were offered lodging but the family couldn't pull out all the stops, nor should they have to. They were upfront that they couldn't host in the usual way. The grandparents were completely unreasonable to agree to all of this, and then change the rules. Including picking on their grandchild for attending a sleepover that she already had planned. That's out of hand unacceptable behavior.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:lol OP I’m sorry your ILs don’t care that you hate them. Better luck next time

OP here. I don’t hate them, but I certainly don’t appreciate their behavior. They were slightly better after DH was a bit sharp with them when they criticized DD for taking a nap when visitors were there after her sleepover. DH was very direct and made them apologize to DD and apologize to me for acting up so much. They were pleasant about dinner, and I set up the coffee for them tomorrow morning, and MIL made a point to say thank you.

Right now we will continue to see them as usual, but DH and I agree that there will be no more “do us a favor visits” during busy times. Their loss.

Their behavior sounds completely normal for two older people. I’m curious what you expect or, for that matter, if you think you’ll be any different at that age! You sound convinced you are all so “busy” that you can’t acknowledge loved ones. I’m sure they notice that and question your priorities. Imagine if it were your own kids telling you one day they are too busy to cook you dinner because of “school and work,” which are everyday occurrences and don’t make you incapable of cooking. Now personally I enjoy leftover lasagna but that’s beside the point

They. Told. The. Grandparents. It. Wasn’t. A. Time. They. Could. Fully. Host.

What about that do you not get?

A clean house, clean sheets and towels, plenty of food, even if it wasn’t “preferred” food. Schedules went exactly as planned and conveyed. ILs agreed to visit on the terms clearly stated by OP and DH. And then ILs complained that it wasn’t different.

If they’re that far gone that they can’t understand information and expectations clearly conveyed, they belong in a nursing home.

I get exactly what they told the grandparents and that’s why I’m pointing out that you can tell someone whatever you want, and they can notice what that says about you.

Right, just like the ILs actions says a lot about them. High maitenance and selfish.

Just remember your kids learn how to treat you, from how you treat your parents and ILs. Not when they are behaving perfectly, but when they are being difficult.

Nobody's poor behavior should be tolerated. That's the point. Behaving entitled and cheap is not exactly something to model for your kids/grandkids.

well there’s “everybody” and then there’s family, which are two different things.

Nope. Enough of this "I can treat my family poorly and they'll have to put up with me". Entitled much?

I treat my family fine and am pretty patient with my parents because I want my kids to do the same one day for me. My parents are cheap like most people in their 70s; I accept that. And frankly I do put up with their quirks. Just as I observed them doing with their own parents and in laws. We had a really close and happy upbringing despite grandparents on both sides being occasionally wacky. I’m grateful everyone kept their senses of humor throughout. I do the same.

I always cringe at this nonsense that you put up with your parents' weird behavior so that your kids would put up with yours. How do you even come up with that? This sounds abusive. Nope. Your kids will treat you based on YOUR BEHAVIOR. If you go all bonkers, nobody's going to put up with you only because you put up with your crazy parents. Luckily younger generation is also way less conditioned to put up with unhealthy behaviors and entitlement.

Let us know how that works out for you. Seems like a lot of people expect to be perfect humans in their golden years, never cranky, lonely, hungry or bored.

There is cranky, lonely, hungry, bored behavior, and then there is rude and entitled. It sounds like your family has normalized rude and entitled behahior and blames it on "old age." But this is learned behavior, and it is up to you to break the cycle. Or not, if you're looking forward to treating your own kids this way when you are old. I'm glad my family is more respectful- my grandparents had their quirks, no doubt, and so do my parents, but they would never come and expect to be waited on during a busy school/work week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lasagna is actually better the second day, if made properly. I thought this was common knowledge.

Who cares if they served leftovers? It was a homemade meal, this is their family, and they stated upfront they were busy.

The grandparents were totally unreasonable to expect anyone to change plans when the purpose of the visit was free lodging so they could attend a nearby wedding.

This is so twisted to say!

Why? The wedding was an event that nobody else was invited to. The grandparents just needed a place to stay. They were offered lodging but the family couldn't pull out all the stops, nor should they have to. They were upfront that they couldn't host in the usual way. The grandparents were completely unreasonable to agree to all of this, and then change the rules. Including picking on their grandchild for attending a sleepover that she already had planned. That's out of hand unacceptable behavior.

Don't waste your breath with that poster. She lives on dcum and has no life. She lives to jump on any woman who rejects being a doormat. She always threatens that your children will hate you if you aren't a door mat. She needs to get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lasagna is actually better the second day, if made properly. I thought this was common knowledge.

Who cares if they served leftovers? It was a homemade meal, this is their family, and they stated upfront they were busy.

The grandparents were totally unreasonable to expect anyone to change plans when the purpose of the visit was free lodging so they could attend a nearby wedding.

This is so twisted to say!

What is it that you don't understand? They insisted on coming when op's spouse let them know it was a bad time. They lied about how they'd manage and were rude and inconsiderate. They assumed if they showed up, they'd get their way and they would be the center of the universe. There is nothing unreasonable in the post above. It's clear you are like the grandparents in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why you're confused. They're inconsiderate and unable to understand the pressures on your time. They thought they could change your plans. It is not surprising though it's inconsiderate. I'd say it probably comes from a good place. Keep your boundaries; let go of the grudges.

This is good advice.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:lol OP I’m sorry your ILs don’t care that you hate them. Better luck next time

OP here. I don’t hate them, but I certainly don’t appreciate their behavior. They were slightly better after DH was a bit sharp with them when they criticized DD for taking a nap when visitors were there after her sleepover. DH was very direct and made them apologize to DD and apologize to me for acting up so much. They were pleasant about dinner, and I set up the coffee for them tomorrow morning, and MIL made a point to say thank you.

Right now we will continue to see them as usual, but DH and I agree that there will be no more “do us a favor visits” during busy times. Their loss.

Their behavior sounds completely normal for two older people. I’m curious what you expect or, for that matter, if you think you’ll be any different at that age! You sound convinced you are all so “busy” that you can’t acknowledge loved ones. I’m sure they notice that and question your priorities. Imagine if it were your own kids telling you one day they are too busy to cook you dinner because of “school and work,” which are everyday occurrences and don’t make you incapable of cooking. Now personally I enjoy leftover lasagna but that’s beside the point

They. Told. The. Grandparents. It. Wasn’t. A. Time. They. Could. Fully. Host.

What about that do you not get?

A clean house, clean sheets and towels, plenty of food, even if it wasn’t “preferred” food. Schedules went exactly as planned and conveyed. ILs agreed to visit on the terms clearly stated by OP and DH. And then ILs complained that it wasn’t different.

If they’re that far gone that they can’t understand information and expectations clearly conveyed, they belong in a nursing home.

I get exactly what they told the grandparents and that’s why I’m pointing out that you can tell someone whatever you want, and they can notice what that says about you.

Right, just like the ILs actions says a lot about them. High maitenance and selfish.

Just remember your kids learn how to treat you, from how you treat your parents and ILs. Not when they are behaving perfectly, but when they are being difficult.

Nobody's poor behavior should be tolerated. That's the point. Behaving entitled and cheap is not exactly something to model for your kids/grandkids.

well there’s “everybody” and then there’s family, which are two different things.

Nope. Enough of this "I can treat my family poorly and they'll have to put up with me". Entitled much?

I treat my family fine and am pretty patient with my parents because I want my kids to do the same one day for me. My parents are cheap like most people in their 70s; I accept that. And frankly I do put up with their quirks. Just as I observed them doing with their own parents and in laws. We had a really close and happy upbringing despite grandparents on both sides being occasionally wacky. I’m grateful everyone kept their senses of humor throughout. I do the same.

I always cringe at this nonsense that you put up with your parents' weird behavior so that your kids would put up with yours. How do you even come up with that? This sounds abusive. Nope. Your kids will treat you based on YOUR BEHAVIOR. If you go all bonkers, nobody's going to put up with you only because you put up with your crazy parents. Luckily younger generation is also way less conditioned to put up with unhealthy behaviors and entitlement.

Let us know how that works out for you. Seems like a lot of people expect to be perfect humans in their golden years, never cranky, lonely, hungry or bored.

When my teen acts out because she’s lonely, cranky, hungry or bored, I remind her to treat me and the rest of our family with courtesy and respect. I don’t accept disrespect from anyone.

Respect is earned, not demanded. Whatever you think it is you're getting from people, it isn't respect.

I am very amused by your assumptions. Happily married, great friends, neighbors and coworkers. In a few weeks, off to a girls trip in Savannah with old friends. Out this Friday for margaritas with my aunt and cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol OP I’m sorry your ILs don’t care that you hate them. Better luck next time

OP here. I don’t hate them, but I certainly don’t appreciate their behavior. They were slightly better after DH was a bit sharp with them when they criticized DD for taking a nap when visitors were there after her sleepover. DH was very direct and made them apologize to DD and apologize to me for acting up so much. They were pleasant about dinner, and I set up the coffee for them tomorrow morning, and MIL made a point to say thank you.

Right now we will continue to see them as usual, but DH and I agree that there will be no more “do us a favor visits” during busy times. Their loss.

Their behavior sounds completely normal for two older people. I’m curious what you expect or, for that matter, if you think you’ll be any different at that age! You sound convinced you are all so “busy” that you can’t acknowledge loved ones. I’m sure they notice that and question your priorities. Imagine if it were your own kids telling you one day they are too busy to cook you dinner because of “school and work,” which are everyday occurrences and don’t make you incapable of cooking. Now personally I enjoy leftover lasagna but that’s beside the point

They. Told. The. Grandparents. It. Wasn’t. A. Time. They. Could. Fully. Host.

What about that do you not get?

A clean house, clean sheets and towels, plenty of food, even if it wasn’t “preferred” food. Schedules went exactly as planned and conveyed. ILs agreed to visit on the terms clearly stated by OP and DH. And then ILs complained that it wasn’t different.

If they’re that far gone that they can’t understand information and expectations clearly conveyed, they belong in a nursing home.

I get exactly what they told the grandparents and that’s why I’m pointing out that you can tell someone whatever you want, and they can notice what that says about you.

Right, just like the ILs actions says a lot about them. High maitenance and selfish.

Just remember your kids learn how to treat you, from how you treat your parents and ILs. Not when they are behaving perfectly, but when they are being difficult.

Nobody's poor behavior should be tolerated. That's the point. Behaving entitled and cheap is not exactly something to model for your kids/grandkids.

well there’s “everybody” and then there’s family, which are two different things.

Nope. Enough of this "I can treat my family poorly and they'll have to put up with me". Entitled much?

I treat my family fine and am pretty patient with my parents because I want my kids to do the same one day for me. My parents are cheap like most people in their 70s; I accept that. And frankly I do put up with their quirks. Just as I observed them doing with their own parents and in laws. We had a really close and happy upbringing despite grandparents on both sides being occasionally wacky. I’m grateful everyone kept their senses of humor throughout. I do the same.

I always cringe at this nonsense that you put up with your parents' weird behavior so that your kids would put up with yours. How do you even come up with that? This sounds abusive. Nope. Your kids will treat you based on YOUR BEHAVIOR. If you go all bonkers, nobody's going to put up with you only because you put up with your crazy parents. Luckily younger generation is also way less conditioned to put up with unhealthy behaviors and entitlement.

Let us know how that works out for you. Seems like a lot of people expect to be perfect humans in their golden years, never cranky, lonely, hungry or bored.

It's working out great of course! Any person can be cranky, lonely, hungry or bored at any age, but it's not my job to fix that for adults. Kids, sure. Adults, you figure it out yourself. If you're entitled and rude on top of that, good luck next time. Who exactly has to figure out your hunger and boredom? Get a grip. Yep, you'll be lonely soon behaving that way towards your family.