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Teen devastated over not getting picked...
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Anonymous
| ...for a leadership role in the organization she has been part of for years. The organizer made the decision and for whatever reason, DD was the only coming Senior not picked for a role for her final year. She is devastated and it is heartbreaking to watch her go through this. Now, she wants to quit and I don't know what to tell her (I do not think she should quit). We do not know the reason behind all this, could be political or anything else, and I don't even know if I should approach the organizer. Anyone else been through anything similar? How did you handle it?? |
Anonymous
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Sounds like a life lesson. Not getting promoted after years of working at Company X. Not being a starter on Team Z even though you've beeen there for years.
Tell her to go talk to whoever made the decisions and ask what she could have improved on in her role at that organization to have been selected for a leadership role. Have her tell them she wants to improve and would appreicate if they don't sugarcoat it so she can learn. |
Anonymous
| It's a popularity contest. Happens all the time. |
Anonymous
This advice is spot on. Parents should not be making inquiries whatsoever. |
Anonymous
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Was your child given any new position and are you sure that what they have is less "important" than what they wanted? I say this because sometimes the hot positions are not actually the ones where you learn the most, or the ones where you control the most stuff (very important).
If it's a real snub, then your kid might not have the gumption, but they should really ask why they were not given a leadership role. It will prepare them well for the workforce, where the goal is to watch your supervisor squirm after you've very respectfully asked your question. Not because the decision is going to be reversed, but because watching the supervisor squirm and lie is a EXCELLENT learning opportunity. |
Anonymous
| Life lesson. Don’t squander this opportunity. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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That’s rough. Can she think of any explanation? She should go talk to whoever made this decision and ask them why she is the only senior not chosen (assuming it’s a significant number), express how much the organization meant to her all these years and how she would really value a leadership role, and ask if there’s anything she can do to request the person reconsider. If the person says no, then your daughter can ask what she could have done to be a stronger candidate and get chosen.
This will be a hard conversation to have. But she has nothing to lose and, man, imagine if it turns into something? It’s a chance for her to show her maturity, dedication, and initiative. If nothing comes of it, she will know she gave it her best shot. When the dust settles and some time passes, she can decide whether to keep participating and also whether there’s an opportunity for her to carve out a niche. Maybe she doesn’t have an official leadership role, but perhaps she can create a new initiative, or become a go to mentor for new members. |
Anonymous
No, she shouldn’t wheedle her way into something. The organizer knew she was the only rising senior not being chosen. Go and ask for the feedback but don’t ask for a position to be made for you. |
Anonymous
| That’s life. But, I understand how hard it is. |
Anonymous
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IF she stops doing the activity, she should white lie and say she's going to be busy. I think dropping the activity, and even just because she is hurt, is fine. But teach her to exit gracefully.
If she doesn't want to white lie, then have help her have something concrete lined up. |
Anonymous
If she wants to leave, let her leave. She doesn't have to give a reason. I will no longer be participating in 4H. Thank you for the opportunity." |
Anonymous
| I would encourage what 18:58 said. Also, don't use dramatic language with her. She's not devastated - that's reserved for when a close relative dies. She's disappointed and a little confused. |
Anonymous
I wouldn't say it that way, because saying it that way assumes that there was a legit reason someone else was better for it. Instead I'd tell her to go to the decision-maker and ask what qualities and factors went into them choosing who they did choose, and depending on what they say, she can ask how to work on those qualities if they feel real to her and she wants to. But I wouldn't give the decision-maker the pass right away on only needing to list what they felt DD lacked or didn't show up with, because for all she knows the person chosen doesn't have all those qualities either. More illuminating to ask what qualities and factors led to the final decision. |
Anonymous
Not OP, but while I get the point you're trying to make about not being dramatic, why in the world do you think you're in a better position to judge whether OP's DD is devastated or not? You're not, you're literally an anonymous stranger in a chat, and high school seniors have been devastated by way way less on a regular basis. Working in a group and putting a lot of time and effort in and being the only senior not picked does sound really hard, so take a seat, you have ZERO info on OP's DD and it's rude of you to tell her that you know her DD better than her and "she's not devastated" because no one died. |