For those who want a Parent to move to an AL..

[Anonymous]

What about you? What are your long term plans so that you won’t be a burden to your children, as you seem to complain about your elderly parent. Do you have a plan in place for a retirement community,downsizing,long term facility? We will all be old sooner or later, if lucky in health, or unlucky some might think.

Would you live in the same place that you want to send your parent and why so much anger/frustration that they want to age in place? I get it.

[Anonymous]

Buy a condo or rent an apartment when one level living is needed. Pay for cleaners and other help with tasks as needed.

Eventually, if this isn't enough, move to an assisted living that has varying level of support so both me and my spouse can be accommodated at the same place in the event that we have differing needs. This has worked well for older people that we know, and for their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy a condo or rent an apartment when one level living is needed. Pay for cleaners and other help with tasks as needed.

Eventually, if this isn't enough, move to an assisted living that has varying level of support so both me and my spouse can be accommodated at the same place in the event that we have differing needs. This has worked well for older people that we know, and for their children.

Oh- also adding- that right now, the best thing I do is not accumulate junk. I clean our house out 2-3 times a year. Definitely not doing to my kids what my parents are doing to me and my siblings.

[Anonymous]

I’m gonna move to the exact same type of place my mom lived.

She was at Asbury Methodist in Gaithersburg.

I’d like to find a place close to them so when things go badly they are close. I’m cool with them hiring help to not burden them while they raise kids.

I hope the laws are such I can end things before they get too bad,

[Anonymous]

I hope to plan for it myself as my parents are doing now. They have a strong aversion to being any kind of burden on their kids, even have their funeral plan organized and paid for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buy a condo or rent an apartment when one level living is needed. Pay for cleaners and other help with tasks as needed.

Eventually, if this isn't enough, move to an assisted living that has varying level of support so both me and my spouse can be accommodated at the same place in the event that we have differing needs. This has worked well for older people that we know, and for their children.

Oh- also adding- that right now, the best thing I do is not accumulate junk. I clean our house out 2-3 times a year. Definitely not doing to my kids what my parents are doing to me and my siblings.

+1 on all of that

[Anonymous]

We should have sufficient funds to pay for round-the-clock aides in our own home, barring a severely debilitating condition that would make nursing home a better option.

[Anonymous]

OP you think this is such a comeback, but those of us in the weeds have very serious plans for our own aging. When we see our parents' demise, how could you possibly trumpet-- aha! You don't think it will happen to you!!! Get real.

[Anonymous]

My parent choose to go in, not my choice. I had to put my mil in a nursing home as I could no longer care for her without help and she had no money and we couldn’t afford help. I felt terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buy a condo or rent an apartment when one level living is needed. Pay for cleaners and other help with tasks as needed.

Eventually, if this isn't enough, move to an assisted living that has varying level of support so both me and my spouse can be accommodated at the same place in the event that we have differing needs. This has worked well for older people that we know, and for their children.

Oh- also adding- that right now, the best thing I do is not accumulate junk. I clean our house out 2-3 times a year. Definitely not doing to my kids what my parents are doing to me and my siblings.

Good idea. Do a Swedish Death Cleanse when you are in your late 50s and early 60s. Sell everything you don't need on FB market place. Simplify so that you or your kids don't have to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buy a condo or rent an apartment when one level living is needed. Pay for cleaners and other help with tasks as needed.

Eventually, if this isn't enough, move to an assisted living that has varying level of support so both me and my spouse can be accommodated at the same place in the event that we have differing needs. This has worked well for older people that we know, and for their children.

Oh- also adding- that right now, the best thing I do is not accumulate junk. I clean our house out 2-3 times a year. Definitely not doing to my kids what my parents are doing to me and my siblings.

Good idea. Do a Swedish Death Cleanse when you are in your late 50s and early 60s. Sell everything you don't need on FB market place. Simplify so that you or your kids don't have to do that.

I just googled that book and it sounds hilarious, but also practical. Heck yes I'll do this cleanse. I think we can all live so much better when we simplify and free up our space and time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m gonna move to the exact same type of place my mom lived.

She was at Asbury Methodist in Gaithersburg.

I’d like to find a place close to them so when things go badly they are close. I’m cool with them hiring help to not burden them while they raise kids.

I hope the laws are such I can end things before they get too bad,

I’ve heard good things about that community. My in-laws are at Riderwood in Silver Spring, and enjoy the campus and social scene there a lot. I think I’d be happy at a place like that in my 80s as well.

[Anonymous]

I'm doing the Swedish Death Cleanse right now, or something similar. I'm 50+ and my kids are in high school, so I'm cleaning out all of their stuff that is not longer used -- clothes, toys, sports equipment -- I sell and donate. Most of the stuff we have is kids'. I could clean out my own stuff within 1 day.

Other than that my plan is to stop taking medication if I end up with a handful. I'm taking nothing at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm doing the Swedish Death Cleanse right now, or something similar. I'm 50+ and my kids are in high school, so I'm cleaning out all of their stuff that is not longer used -- clothes, toys, sports equipment -- I sell and donate. Most of the stuff we have is kids'. I could clean out my own stuff within 1 day.

Other than that my plan is to stop taking medication if I end up with a handful. I'm taking nothing at the moment.

You're such a good mom. My mom has every item that was ever gifted to me and my siblings from our whole life. Her excuse: those aren't my things to give away. Um, yeah, you kind of are responsible to manage your minor children's possessions, particularly things from elementary school.

Anytime we try and help her clean everything out, she has an excuse as to why it's not a good time. It's going to be a disaster at the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm doing the Swedish Death Cleanse right now, or something similar. I'm 50+ and my kids are in high school, so I'm cleaning out all of their stuff that is not longer used -- clothes, toys, sports equipment -- I sell and donate. Most of the stuff we have is kids'. I could clean out my own stuff within 1 day.

Other than that my plan is to stop taking medication if I end up with a handful. I'm taking nothing at the moment.

lol me too! I even go through old historical stuff and ask the kids whether this is something they would want in their future house, I don’t want to freak them out and say when I’m dead. If both say yes, I divide into two boxes if both say no out it goes. I’m organizing the Christmas decorations/ornaments into memory/ sentimental , expensive and inexpensive boxes etc.

Planning to move in 5-10 years to a condo and rent the house. There’s a big tax advantage if the kids inherit the house and were in a high cost of living area, easy to rent at high prices and frozen tax basis based on where we bought.