How do some women land amazing, caring, reliable, attractive guys?

[Anonymous]

Is it just the luck of the draw?? How do they do it?!

[Anonymous]

By being amazing, reliable, caring, attractive women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By being amazing, reliable, caring, attractive women.

Some are. Some are aholes..

[Anonymous]

My friends who landed guys like that are getting divorced because they cheated.

[Anonymous]

Call me.

[Anonymous]

You don't know what their relationships are really like. They might be happy, or it could be a facade. They might even envy you. Just focus on yourself and the things you can control.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends. Here is what I have observed:

- Some women simply expect any man they are with to be like this, and this results in them marrying a man like this. I think the women like this had dads who were like this, and treated them well, and it gave them faith such men exist and they go out looking for one and then if they get one, they don't look a gift horse in the mouth and they lock him down. I think this is most common.

- Some women prioritize marriage early and do a good job of picking a guy who will become this, even if when they start dating or get married, he's merely reliable and kind but kind of goofy looking and doesn't have a good job or anything. Often these couples are religious and meet through their religious activity, which I think works out because they tend to have similar families, goals, and values. Then she can kind of help him grow up, learn to dress, encourage him to make good career choices. So this is kind of DIY.

- Some women buy low. I know a couple women who have found men fresh off divorces (or even just while separated) who turned out to be good partners. I am not sure if they were always good partners or learned something from their first marriage or are just scared to be twice divorced. You have to find a divorced guy with no kids for this, and you have to make sure to get a guy who doesn't want to be divorced, but that second one is not as hard as you think -- men rarely want to get divorced and most divorces are initiated by women. So if you can find a guy who is like mid to late 30s who is just divorced, odds are good he'll be eager for a solid relationship and will make extra effort. Marry one, have a kid with him, he'll be extra loyal. But make sure his first relationship didn't end because of cheating (on either side) because he'll either do it again or never trust you.

[Anonymous]

I married an amazing man after years of relentless self improvement and emotional work. By the time I met DH, I’d been in therapy for a total of 6 years with three different therapists. Yes, it was expensive on a pink collar salary, but I became a better, more mature adult. I worked out for 6 hours a week. I took care of my appearance. I volunteered weekly.

I was also careful to make good financial decisions. I saved money for retirement, emergencies, and started working towards a down payment on a house. Used clothing was cheaper then, as was rent, which I’m sure helped. But I always lived in cheap places with multiple roommates and rarely took vacations. Instead, I’d go into DC on day trips.

Another thing I did right was to go where the men were serious. Back then, it was eHarmony. I got hit on by men in their 50s, felons, etc., on other sites. It’s been awhile, so the best platform could have changed. Make sure you join somewhere that does a background check. I had to online date for about seven years to find my husband. I took notes on each guy, saved their names in my phone with identifying details, and basically treated it like a second job. I went on a slew of bad dates. One guy got drunk and threw up on a stranger. Another guy kept touching me and wouldn’t back off. Another guy was so socially inept that he sang to himself rather than converse with me. Either being married is worth going through hell, or it’s not. For me, I’m thankful every day that I put in the work.

I’m also aware that I was lucky. I have looks that met many men’s minimum threshold. I didn’t make a ton of money, but I lived in a time when I could budget for extras that maximized my attractiveness. I grew up in a family where emotional health was discussed.

OP, there are great guys out there, but you’re not guaranteed to meet one who is still single. I noticed a big drop-off in my matches once my age started with a 3. No idea how old you are, but you can put the work in.

[Anonymous]

I’m equally amazing , caring, reliable & attractive ❤️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married an amazing man after years of relentless self improvement and emotional work. By the time I met DH, I’d been in therapy for a total of 6 years with three different therapists. Yes, it was expensive on a pink collar salary, but I became a better, more mature adult. I worked out for 6 hours a week. I took care of my appearance. I volunteered weekly.

I was also careful to make good financial decisions. I saved money for retirement, emergencies, and started working towards a down payment on a house. Used clothing was cheaper then, as was rent, which I’m sure helped. But I always lived in cheap places with multiple roommates and rarely took vacations. Instead, I’d go into DC on day trips.

Another thing I did right was to go where the men were serious. Back then, it was eHarmony. I got hit on by men in their 50s, felons, etc., on other sites. It’s been awhile, so the best platform could have changed. Make sure you join somewhere that does a background check. I had to online date for about seven years to find my husband. I took notes on each guy, saved their names in my phone with identifying details, and basically treated it like a second job. I went on a slew of bad dates. One guy got drunk and threw up on a stranger. Another guy kept touching me and wouldn’t back off. Another guy was so socially inept that he sang to himself rather than converse with me. Either being married is worth going through hell, or it’s not. For me, I’m thankful every day that I put in the work.

I’m also aware that I was lucky. I have looks that met many men’s minimum threshold. I didn’t make a ton of money, but I lived in a time when I could budget for extras that maximized my attractiveness. I grew up in a family where emotional health was discussed.

OP, there are great guys out there, but you’re not guaranteed to meet one who is still single. I noticed a big drop-off in my matches once my age started with a 3. No idea how old you are, but you can put the work in.

NP. This is great advice. I'm glad that you have found happiness.

[Anonymous]

They had amazing dads. And when they saw good men, they knew and valued those guys who were good guys.

Weirdly enough I had quite a few friends who liked the bad boys in our 20s and even early 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married an amazing man after years of relentless self improvement and emotional work. By the time I met DH, I’d been in therapy for a total of 6 years with three different therapists. Yes, it was expensive on a pink collar salary, but I became a better, more mature adult. I worked out for 6 hours a week. I took care of my appearance. I volunteered weekly.

I was also careful to make good financial decisions. I saved money for retirement, emergencies, and started working towards a down payment on a house. Used clothing was cheaper then, as was rent, which I’m sure helped. But I always lived in cheap places with multiple roommates and rarely took vacations. Instead, I’d go into DC on day trips.

Another thing I did right was to go where the men were serious. Back then, it was eHarmony. I got hit on by men in their 50s, felons, etc., on other sites. It’s been awhile, so the best platform could have changed. Make sure you join somewhere that does a background check. I had to online date for about seven years to find my husband. I took notes on each guy, saved their names in my phone with identifying details, and basically treated it like a second job. I went on a slew of bad dates. One guy got drunk and threw up on a stranger. Another guy kept touching me and wouldn’t back off. Another guy was so socially inept that he sang to himself rather than converse with me. Either being married is worth going through hell, or it’s not. For me, I’m thankful every day that I put in the work.

I’m also aware that I was lucky. I have looks that met many men’s minimum threshold. I didn’t make a ton of money, but I lived in a time when I could budget for extras that maximized my attractiveness. I grew up in a family where emotional health was discussed.

OP, there are great guys out there, but you’re not guaranteed to meet one who is still single. I noticed a big drop-off in my matches once my age started with a 3. No idea how old you are, but you can put the work in.

NP. This is great advice. I'm glad that you have found happiness.

Thank you.

OP can do it too! I believe in you, OP! The best time to improve your marriage is before you meet the guy. ❤️

[Anonymous]

By breaking it off with anyone who isn't. No fixer uppers. Just wish him well and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends. Here is what I have observed:

- Some women simply expect any man they are with to be like this, and this results in them marrying a man like this. I think the women like this had dads who were like this, and treated them well, and it gave them faith such men exist and they go out looking for one and then if they get one, they don't look a gift horse in the mouth and they lock him down. I think this is most common.

- Some women prioritize marriage early and do a good job of picking a guy who will become this, even if when they start dating or get married, he's merely reliable and kind but kind of goofy looking and doesn't have a good job or anything. Often these couples are religious and meet through their religious activity, which I think works out because they tend to have similar families, goals, and values. Then she can kind of help him grow up, learn to dress, encourage him to make good career choices. So this is kind of DIY.

- Some women buy low. I know a couple women who have found men fresh off divorces (or even just while separated) who turned out to be good partners. I am not sure if they were always good partners or learned something from their first marriage or are just scared to be twice divorced. You have to find a divorced guy with no kids for this, and you have to make sure to get a guy who doesn't want to be divorced, but that second one is not as hard as you think -- men rarely want to get divorced and most divorces are initiated by women. So if you can find a guy who is like mid to late 30s who is just divorced, odds are good he'll be eager for a solid relationship and will make extra effort. Marry one, have a kid with him, he'll be extra loyal. But make sure his first relationship didn't end because of cheating (on either side) because he'll either do it again or never trust you.

“Being low” was common before the dating app/social media era. Today, most desirable men have women lined up around the block long before the divorce is finalized. If a man’s market value is temporarily low due of cash flow issues, he’ll typically wait to commit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By being amazing, reliable, caring, attractive women.

+1. I had two other guys interested in marrying me. I chose the best one.