Really out of my element with dating apps
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Anonymous
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I’m not having any success with the dating apps. I’m pretty average looking and people describe me as “cute” I look younger than my age of 38 years and I dress in conservative classy clothes. Turtle neck sweaters, tights and skirts. Shift dresses, ballet flats, simple clean makeup, sensible shoes. I’m not fat but can lose 5-10 lbs.
On hinge I receive no likes and when I do they’re from…fat guys or ugly guys or truck drivers or socially awkward guys. I was curious what was going on and I checked out my competition. Wow! Hot 45 year old women with bodies that look like Victoria secret models ; selfies with ample cleavage, lots of bikini shots…yikes! I don’t even know how to dress hot or sexy! |
Anonymous
Most of those hot women are bots or Only Fans girls trying to catfish gullible guys. Maybe lose the turtleneck sweaters. Make sure you're including at least a couple full-body shots. Have a friend review your profile to see what you're saying about yourself. |
Anonymous
Op here. I showed it to my sister who said it doesn’t do me justice. I need to dress hot and put up pics. Problem is…I don’t know how to dress hot |
Anonymous
I gotta say, if you are 38 and don’t know what men like to see, I’m not sure it is surprising that you are having trouble. Skin. Guys respond to seeing a woman’s body. Doesn’t have to be bikini pics, but something that is far removed from a turtleneck. Sundress is the ultimate, but something in that vein. Your age is also a bit tough because some men are going to be concerned that you are going to quickly want to have kids. You have to be 100% explicit on whether you do or don’t. |
Anonymous
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Keep in mind that its a studied fact that 80% of women are going after the top 10% of men.
How do you know they are socially awkward, if you have not met them in a social situation? Some people just do not text well, like myself. That is why I push a man to meet for coffee/ drink before I text too much! |
Anonymous
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Do you want kids?
Honestly, I think 38 is a really tough age. I actually found dating between 41 and 45 was easier. All of a sudden tons of guys wanted to date me! 38 was dead. I think 38, men assume you want kids and a lot of men in their thirties who want kids are going to aim for women a little younger. Meanwhile, older men in their forties who are divorced and already have kids dont' want more, but they assume you do, so they'd actually rather date women who are 43 and don't want kids than a 38 year old who is holding into hope. Anyway, for pics, my friends and I literally threw a fake party photo session after they looked at my pics and didn't like them! I included a couple from that because I did not have any full body shots. |
Anonymous
I always hear this. Can you post such studies? Are they peer reviewed? |
Anonymous
Every man's fantasy is a girl wearing a turtleneck sweater & sensible shoes. |
Anonymous
| Can your sister help? Don't completely change who you are because then you're just going to attract guys who won't be into who you actually are. Are you more conservative in general? Religious? There are dating sites that lean that way. |
Anonymous
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Giving a virtual hug. Been there.
Agree strongly with this... "I think 38 is a really tough age... men assume you want kids and a lot of men in their thirties who want kids are going to aim for women a little younger. Meanwhile, older men in their forties who are divorced and already have kids dont' want more, but they assume you do, so they'd actually rather date women who are 43 and don't want kids than a 38 year old who is holding into hope." Also agree with after 1 short communication or two asking the guy to coffee. Some of the nicest guys may appear a bit socially awkward over an app. Most importantly, change your framing - pick your best feature (legs, smile, hair, you name it) and online and in real life showcase that. (Even instead of "average looking" as you called yourself to us spend a week where you refer in your head to yourself as "Hot [insert your name.]" The confidence this gives you will affect your walk/presence. And even if you're doing apps - tell everyone you know 'hey, if you know any nice guys, feel free to let me know.' |
Anonymous
See how judgmental and shallow you sound, yet you expect all the men to not be that way? |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Actually there are many divorced very attractive women in mid 40s-early 50s who date divorced men in the same age group. I was trying to say that on some threads that women can look drastically different after age 45 or so, but this board is not accepting of that fact. Some women who can afford top nutrition , rehired and cosmetics procedures look 10 years younger, easily. And a lot of men prefer to date hot 40s than average looking late 30s, if they no longer want kids. OP - you do need to hit the gym, and post some pics showing your figure . |
Anonymous
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OMG, get your act together!
1. Don't give up on finding someone outside of apps. If you strike up a conversation with a nice man, ask for his number. Don't be shy. You don't have the time to be shy. 2. If you could stand to lose 10lbs, you are going to look terrible in skin-covering clothes, particularly turtlenecks. In the winter I wear tissue-thin, skin-hugging turtlenecks from J Crew and they show off my slim torso. But a chunky one is going to do the opposite! You need look at your body in the mirror and analyze which points you want to highlight and which you should hide. A little cleavage is good. Maybe you need a better quality bra to have a nice cleavage. For full body shots, you need harmonious proportions. Adjust the visual line that defines your waist if you think your torso is too long and makes your legs look shorter, for example (I do that). 3. You need to treat this like a JOB. Find the right clothes. Practice smiling and adjusting your face. Do your research on how to angle your body and face for a photo and from which location to hold the camera. Men aren't going to ask how the sausage is made. They just want to see the sausage, and eat the sausage. 4. There's a difference between sexy and approachable. They attract a different sort of male. If you want a long-term relationship and marriage, you might want to shy away from the thirst trap and focus on looking approachable, girl-next-door cute. Which does not mean your present dowdiness!!! It still means you need to show skin and curves and smile, but not in a pornographic way. A photo that tells a possibly not handsome, but pleasant, reliable and financially stable middle-aged man (your target audience) that this is a person they might get. You can't be out of reach, but you need to be aspirational. Seriously. Modern society has erased the pursuit of a husband as a weighty endeavor requiring skills and preparation, but once upon a time, it was that sort of job! Get with the program. |
Anonymous
| 5. Hang out with kinder people than the previous poster. |