Really out of my element with dating apps

[Anonymous]

1. Look approachable and somewhat fun.
2. Look thin or at least not fat (though some guys Do like fat women)
3. Look attractive (nice smile, good hair, maybe a little makeup)
4. At least one photo should show the shape of your body. Bikini and other bathing suit photos are not necessary, but something that shows your rough proportions (breasts compared to waist compared to butt). If you look good in yoga pants or running gear or something that shows a bit of your body, that's good.
5. Use words that make you sound fun and sane.

If you can do those things, you'll attract some interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that its a studied fact that 80% of women are going after the top 10% of men.

This is due to being raised by parents who messed them up mentally, praising everything, saying they were all winners and perfect princesses and deserved a king, etc.

Now most women are single and cannot find a man because they all think they are 9/10+ and always looking at greener pastures rather than accepting their place in life.

That’s why I tell my teenage daughter that she is a loser and deserves whatever man will tolerate her lazy a**.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m a catch and I have a lot to offer. Im not ugly, im not fat. I take care of myself, I am kind, I am thoughtful and I have a good head on my shoulders. I went to private school and UVA.

I don’t need to date truck drivers or working class guys. I’m not being unreasonable by setting that boundary.

I don’t need Brad Pitt; just a normal professional guy who is nice and kind and has his life together! Do I need to post thirst traps for that?

I get what you are saying, OP. I wouldn’t date a lot of the men on the apps either. In the end, you are only looking for one guy, not a slew of them. I agree with the advice to meet up with the nice guys who seem socially awkward. They might be more normal in person.

I would also post on the fashion forum to get some tips on outfits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that its a studied fact that 80% of women are going after the top 10% of men.

This is due to being raised by parents who messed them up mentally, praising everything, saying they were all winners and perfect princesses and deserved a king, etc.

Now most women are single and cannot find a man because they all think they are 9/10+ and always looking at greener pastures rather than accepting their place in life.

That’s why I tell my teenage daughter that she is a loser and deserves whatever man will tolerate her lazy a**.

I told my younger coworker that if he wants to attract smart & beautiful women, he needs to be the kind of guy who other men admire and women are drawn to. This means putting in the effort to work hard, be kind to others, stay in good shape, achieve financial success, and develop interesting hobbies (video games aren’t what I’d call an interesting hobby). He also needs to work on his charisma. Without putting in the work, no smart, attractive woman is going to put up with lazy a**. A woman who makes 300K is not going to be interested in a guy like him who makes 150K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that its a studied fact that 80% of women are going after the top 10% of men.

How do you know they are socially awkward, if you have not met them in a social situation?

Some people just do not text well, like myself. That is why I push a man to meet for coffee/ drink before I text too much!

It is worse than 80/20. More like 95% to 5%. See the chart from Tinder which shows that only 5% of men get all the matches from women

You may think it is “unrealistic” that a girl who is say a 2 out of 10 is saying that you need to be six feet tall, seven figure income, six pack abs and six inches in the pant or don’t bother even messaging her. That she wouldn’t even consider the average guy, her being well below average. But the truth is the top 5% of guys is willing to “hit it” with her. So she thinks she has a shot at landing that top 5% guy. So she ends up chasing the top 5% of guy hoping to catch him. Sadly for her she will find he “won’t commit” and “treats her bad”, etc. Sure he may go through the motions and words of commitment but really he is just “hitting it”. In reality that top 5% guy just is banging all the girls and only going to “hit it” and be in a “friends with benefits” with her and many other girls at once and will not commit to any girl. He will just keep banging all the girls. He is the top 5%. What is true for our 2 out of 10 example above is true for girls with higher (and lower) ratings as well. This is the current day dating landscape.

OP is probably looking for one of these 5% guys by her post "I’m not fat but can lose 5-10 lbs. On hinge I receive no likes and when I do they’re from…fat guys or ugly guys or truck drivers or socially awkward guys."

I have never heard a woman say that she wants this 6-6-6-6. That sounds like a male fantasy to me.
I will say that most women probably want one 6, but mostly just want a man who is kind and pays attention to them.

I don’t know, but I’m guessing that if one of the guys that messaged OP was like, “I saw your profile, and I really liked it. I really dig turtleneck sweaters. You seem really genuine and I would like to get to know you better…” she might be into it. Even if he was working class or whatever.

Unfortunately, most of these are more like, “I’m passing through your town tomorrow on my big rig, so I’m reaching out to all the women in the city limits. You DTF? Also, do you have a shower I can use?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is worse than 80/20. More like 95% to 5%. See the chart from Tinder which shows that only 5% of men get all the matches from women

You may think it is “unrealistic” that a girl who is say a 2 out of 10 is saying that you need to be six feet tall, seven figure income, six pack abs and six inches in the pant or don’t bother even messaging her. That she wouldn’t even consider the average guy, her being well below average. But the truth is the top 5% of guys is willing to “hit it” with her. So she thinks she has a shot at landing that top 5% guy. So she ends up chasing the top 5% of guy hoping to catch him. Sadly for her she will find he “won’t commit” and “treats her bad”, etc. Sure he may go through the motions and words of commitment but really he is just “hitting it”. In reality that top 5% guy just is banging all the girls and only going to “hit it” and be in a “friends with benefits” with her and many other girls at once and will not commit to any girl. He will just keep banging all the girls. He is the top 5%. What is true for our 2 out of 10 example above is true for girls with higher (and lower) ratings as well. This is the current day dating landscape.

OP is probably looking for one of these 5% guys by her post "I’m not fat but can lose 5-10 lbs. On hinge I receive no likes and when I do they’re from…fat guys or ugly guys or truck drivers or socially awkward guys."

I have never heard a woman say that she wants this 6-6-6-6. That sounds like a male fantasy to me.
I will say that most women probably want one 6, but mostly just want a man who is kind and pays attention to them.

I don’t know, but I’m guessing that if one of the guys that messaged OP was like, “I saw your profile, and I really liked it. I really dig turtleneck sweaters. You seem really genuine and I would like to get to know you better…” she might be into it. Even if he was working class or whatever.

Unfortunately, most of these are more like, “I’m passing through your town tomorrow on my big rig, so I’m reaching out to all the women in the city limits. You DTF? Also, do you have a shower I can use?”

Don't listen to what women say, watch their actions.

[Anonymous]

hey look it's the same 38F UVA OP again! knew it the moment i read in OP that says age 38! welcome back OP! and waste some more of our time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that its a studied fact that 80% of women are going after the top 10% of men.

This is due to being raised by parents who messed them up mentally, praising everything, saying they were all winners and perfect princesses and deserved a king, etc.

Now most women are single and cannot find a man because they all think they are 9/10+ and always looking at greener pastures rather than accepting their place in life.

That’s why I tell my teenage daughter that she is a loser and deserves whatever man will tolerate her lazy a**.

I told my younger coworker that if he wants to attract smart & beautiful women, he needs to be the kind of guy who other men admire and women are drawn to. This means putting in the effort to work hard, be kind to others, stay in good shape, achieve financial success, and develop interesting hobbies (video games aren’t what I’d call an interesting hobby). He also needs to work on his charisma. Without putting in the work, no smart, attractive woman is going to put up with lazy a**. A woman who makes 300K is not going to be interested in a guy like him who makes 150K.

I know a lot of women who make $300k who are with a guy who makes $150k or less. (Doctors married to firefighters or police officers or teachers). It works if the guy is willing to do housework and childcare and basically put the interest of the family above his own interests.

I don’t know anyone, male or female, who cares about their partner’s hobbies (unless they have the same hobby).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is worse than 80/20. More like 95% to 5%. See the chart from Tinder which shows that only 5% of men get all the matches from women

You may think it is “unrealistic” that a girl who is say a 2 out of 10 is saying that you need to be six feet tall, seven figure income, six pack abs and six inches in the pant or don’t bother even messaging her. That she wouldn’t even consider the average guy, her being well below average. But the truth is the top 5% of guys is willing to “hit it” with her. So she thinks she has a shot at landing that top 5% guy. So she ends up chasing the top 5% of guy hoping to catch him. Sadly for her she will find he “won’t commit” and “treats her bad”, etc. Sure he may go through the motions and words of commitment but really he is just “hitting it”. In reality that top 5% guy just is banging all the girls and only going to “hit it” and be in a “friends with benefits” with her and many other girls at once and will not commit to any girl. He will just keep banging all the girls. He is the top 5%. What is true for our 2 out of 10 example above is true for girls with higher (and lower) ratings as well. This is the current day dating landscape.

OP is probably looking for one of these 5% guys by her post "I’m not fat but can lose 5-10 lbs. On hinge I receive no likes and when I do they’re from…fat guys or ugly guys or truck drivers or socially awkward guys."

I have never heard a woman say that she wants this 6-6-6-6. That sounds like a male fantasy to me.
I will say that most women probably want one 6, but mostly just want a man who is kind and pays attention to them.

I don’t know, but I’m guessing that if one of the guys that messaged OP was like, “I saw your profile, and I really liked it. I really dig turtleneck sweaters. You seem really genuine and I would like to get to know you better…” she might be into it. Even if he was working class or whatever.

Unfortunately, most of these are more like, “I’m passing through your town tomorrow on my big rig, so I’m reaching out to all the women in the city limits. You DTF? Also, do you have a shower I can use?”

Don't listen to what women say, watch their actions.

Most of the male teachers at my kids’ schools are married, and none of them are making six figures.
And every time I go to the playground, I see a lot of men who are not six feet tall who seem to be married with kids.
One of my closest friends is 5’8” surgeon, and his wife is a gorgeous ENT.

Where are you that every man who isn’t 6-6-6-6 is single? Sounds like a good place for OP to look for a husband.

[Anonymous]

Don't discount the guys who seem socially awkward! The first half of my date with DH was super awkward because DH isn't that great with small talk. Once he loosened up it was great. And 15 years later, DH and I still have one of the best and happiest marriages I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who make $300k who are with a guy who makes $150k or less. (Doctors married to firefighters or police officers or teachers). It works if the guy is willing to do housework and childcare and basically put the interest of the family above his own interests.

This is what I call BS. Only 16% of women is married to husbands who make less: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/04/13/in-a-growing-share-of-u-s-marriages-husbands-and-wives-earn-about-the-same/. Furthermore, Divorce rates in heterosexual couples rise significantly when a woman is more professionally successful than the man: https://www.businessinsider.com/troubling-reasons-divorce-rates-women-earn-more-trophy-husband-breadwinners-2025-10

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone, male or female, who cares about their partner’s hobbies (unless they have the same hobby).

Have you ever noticed that A LOT of women like musicians or athletes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not having any success with the dating apps. I’m pretty average looking and people describe me as “cute” I look younger than my age of 38 years and I dress in conservative classy clothes. Turtle neck sweaters, tights and skirts. Shift dresses, ballet flats, simple clean makeup, sensible shoes. I’m not fat but can lose 5-10 lbs.

On hinge I receive no likes and when I do they’re from…fat guys or ugly guys or truck drivers or socially awkward guys.

I was curious what was going on and I checked out my competition. Wow! Hot 45 year old women with bodies that look like Victoria secret models ; selfies with ample cleavage, lots of bikini shots…yikes!

I don’t even know how to dress hot or sexy!

You really need an attitude adjustment. Also, women don't like to hear this because you have been conditioned since the dawn of time to sit on your hands and do zero work in dating, but you need to be a bit more proactive in your dating. Like, shudder, actually asking a man out. You might find it actually gets you guys you're interested in! Instead of just sitting around moping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that its a studied fact that 80% of women are going after the top 10% of men.

This is due to being raised by parents who messed them up mentally, praising everything, saying they were all winners and perfect princesses and deserved a king, etc.

Now most women are single and cannot find a man because they all think they are 9/10+ and always looking at greener pastures rather than accepting their place in life.

That’s why I tell my teenage daughter that she is a loser and deserves whatever man will tolerate her lazy a**.

I told my younger coworker that if he wants to attract smart & beautiful women, he needs to be the kind of guy who other men admire and women are drawn to. This means putting in the effort to work hard, be kind to others, stay in good shape, achieve financial success, and develop interesting hobbies (video games aren’t what I’d call an interesting hobby). He also needs to work on his charisma. Without putting in the work, no smart, attractive woman is going to put up with lazy a**. A woman who makes 300K is not going to be interested in a guy like him who makes 150K.

Seriously. Who would even consider such a beta loser?

[Anonymous]

How do you see the “competition”. Do you date both sexes? I never figured that out, but apps suck.

[Anonymous]

On my first date with my husband, he took me to a sushi restaurant because I said I like it when he had never eaten sushi in his life and had no idea what to order. He then proceeded to spill a beer on me. He went in for a kiss and his face started twitching because he was so nervous around me.
Since I didn't meet him on an app and had seen him in other environments acting normal, it was quite endearing.