SIL doesn’t want DH to see her kids

[Anonymous]

DH and his brother seem to get along for the most part, but we just had an odd planned visit with them.

DH had a habit of calling the day before and saying “we are passing through! Want to visit for awhile?” If they say yes, we stop by for two hours to chat and then leave. No expectations.

We did this a few months ago and DH and I got to meet our little nieces. They are preschool age.

We had a visit with more notice recently and SIL sent the kids away to her parents when she found out we were coming. DH told his brother weeks ago but BIL didn’t tell his wife until two days before we arrived. We stay in a hotel, provide a meal for the family, and limit our visits to 2-4 hours.

SIL has never mentioned a problem with me or DH. I was with DH when he was playing with his nieces and nothing concerning happened. So was BIL.

Should we stop visiting just over this? They never visit us, so this is a one direction relationship anyway. DH is having a tough time letting it go, but I’m getting exhausted from spending hundreds of dollars and precious free time on them when this is going on.

No, I don’t know why SIL found out about our visit so late.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure the kids were intentionally sent away and didn't just have a previously planned visit to the grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Why does she not want you two around the kids? Did your husband not ask his brother? Seems like you're making assumptions or jumping to conclusions when he needs to have a convo with his brother first.

[Anonymous]

Did anyone actually say that they didn't want you to see your nieces, or did you imagine this based on BIL and SIL sending their kids off to do something else during your visit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and his brother seem to get along for the most part, but we just had an odd planned visit with them.

DH had a habit of calling the day before and saying “we are passing through! Want to visit for awhile?” If they say yes, we stop by for two hours to chat and then leave. No expectations.

We did this a few months ago and DH and I got to meet our little nieces. They are preschool age.

We had a visit with more notice recently and SIL sent the kids away to her parents when she found out we were coming. DH told his brother weeks ago but BIL didn’t tell his wife until two days before we arrived. We stay in a hotel, provide a meal for the family, and limit our visits to 2-4 hours.

SIL has never mentioned a problem with me or DH. I was with DH when he was playing with his nieces and nothing concerning happened. So was BIL.

Should we stop visiting just over this? They never visit us, so this is a one direction relationship anyway. DH is having a tough time letting it go, but I’m getting exhausted from spending hundreds of dollars and precious free time on them when this is going on.

No, I don’t know why SIL found out about our visit so late.

1. If you call the day before and say "just passing through! can we stay for a few hours?" then a) that is not a "planned visit" and b) how the heck are you spending "hundreds of dollars and precious free time"?

2. Your DH did something you don't know about. Maybe not to his nieces but his brother knows what it was, and so does your SIL, and it's bad enough that she's protecting her kids and your BIL doesn't feel like he can argue back. So let that sink in.

[Anonymous]

Your post is so over the top and dramatic. If you behave like this IRL, the problem is you and your behavior.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible she just wanted some adult time and needed a break from the kids?

[Anonymous]

It seems you are jumping to conclusions about SIL “purposely sending the kids away” unless BIL told you/DH exactly that. And even if it is true, why on earth would BIL tell you?!

Did I read correctly that you did not meet your nieces until they were preschool aged? If true, why is that?

As another poster said, it is certainly possible that BIL/SIL feel the need to keep the kids away based on something BIL knows about your DH (and shared this info with his wife). If this is what is going on, your DH would have the best insight as to the reason so ask him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible she just wanted some adult time and needed a break from the kids?

+1

It could be that they wanted to enjoy a more adult centered visit with you this time (maybe go out to a nice dinner, have a few drinks etc) without the kids underfoot and saw this as a good opportunity.

[Anonymous]

If you are all going out to lunch or dinner from r an hour or two during a 2-4 hour visit then it makes sense to send the kids to the parents. Going out to eat is far more enjoyable without preschoolers in tow. Preschoolers also have nap time, need to play and burn off energy, eat at particular times. It’s one of the hardest ages to manage with clueless kid free adults in the mix. Plus your BIL/SIL killed two birds with one stone. Grandparents got to have the kids for several hours and they got to check the box on your obligatory visit.

[Anonymous]

We were coming to meet the kids. They used to live across the country until the past year. That was what DH said to his brother weeks ago. I let him lead communication with his family. He’s met his nieces twice before this (3 times for the oldest). I met the older one twice.

The panicked texting that started the day before we arrived is why I suspect SIL didn’t want us to see the kids.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are all going out to lunch or dinner from r an hour or two during a 2-4 hour visit then it makes sense to send the kids to the parents. Going out to eat is far more enjoyable without preschoolers in tow. Preschoolers also have nap time, need to play and burn off energy, eat at particular times. It’s one of the hardest ages to manage with clueless kid free adults in the mix. Plus your BIL/SIL killed two birds with one stone. Grandparents got to have the kids for several hours and they got to check the box on your obligatory visit.

We did not eat in a restaurant. We brought food to their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems you are jumping to conclusions about SIL “purposely sending the kids away” unless BIL told you/DH exactly that. And even if it is true, why on earth would BIL tell you?!

Did I read correctly that you did not meet your nieces until they were preschool aged? If true, why is that?

As another poster said, it is certainly possible that BIL/SIL feel the need to keep the kids away based on something BIL knows about your DH (and shared this info with his wife). If this is what is going on, your DH would have the best insight as to the reason so ask him.

BIL texted that. No reason given. Just panicked excuses. We offered to cancel in response but he asked us not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were coming to meet the kids. They used to live across the country until the past year. That was what DH said to his brother weeks ago. I let him lead communication with his family. He’s met his nieces twice before this (3 times for the oldest). I met the older one twice.

The panicked texting that started the day before we arrived is why I suspect SIL didn’t want us to see the kids.

-OP

This is new information. What was the panicked texting about?

[Anonymous]

You're all weird.