SIL doesn’t want DH to see her kids

[Anonymous]

Y'all think the DH ambushes his brother's family because he KNOWS advance warning allows them too much defensive planning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y'all think the DH ambushes his brother's family because he KNOWS advance warning allows them too much defensive planning?

Or OP doesn't let him start the car until the soufflé has risen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were coming to meet the kids. They used to live across the country until the past year. That was what DH said to his brother weeks ago. I let him lead communication with his family. He’s met his nieces twice before this (3 times for the oldest). I met the older one twice.

The panicked texting that started the day before we arrived is why I suspect SIL didn’t want us to see the kids.

-OP

Unless you were straight up told something, you're only speculating. Stop

[Anonymous]

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It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

DP here. But the point we're making is that your title is wrong, and it's likely not your SIL's fault. Make plans, don't make plans. But stop blaming only one person out of 4 adults, without any proof.

BIL texted that to DH. That’s what it’s the title.

The way you release details in snippets is annoying AF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were coming to meet the kids. They used to live across the country until the past year. That was what DH said to his brother weeks ago. I let him lead communication with his family. He’s met his nieces twice before this (3 times for the oldest). I met the older one twice.

The panicked texting that started the day before we arrived is why I suspect SIL didn’t want us to see the kids.

-OP

Unless you were straight up told something, you're only speculating. Stop

In another post the op says that the BIL literally sent a text explicitly stating that SIL didn’t want OP’s DH to see their kids and yet here she says she just suspects it.

From the contradictory postings it sounds like op is a troll/liar but in any case seems pretty obvious why her in laws don’t want anything to do with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y'all think the DH ambushes his brother's family because he KNOWS advance warning allows them too much defensive planning?

I suspect with advanced planning BIL's family would not be at home and available. This time they managed to get the kids out on time, I'm sure they wish they'd gone too. OP and her DH probably call at the nearest exit with pleasantries and then say Hey! We're just 2 blocks from you and will stop by now! We're bringing food that we'd like you to pay for!!

[Anonymous]

If my SIL said "I don't want that man to see my kids" about my husband, my first response would not be how rude she was , it would be, what the hell has my husband done that I don't know about. Maybe start there.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, please take a deep breath. You are massively overreacting. This has nothing to do with you so why would you not go if your DH is going? It’s fine to skip if you really don’t enjoy them, but seems like you want to back away because you are offended.

BIL dropped the ball. It (rightly) annoyed SIL. Move along and quick obsessing about it

The assumptions are really revealing on this thread.

I’m not offended. I’m not obsessing either. I’m simply walking away. Boundaries. I’m over the drama.

...says the person frantically responding to all posts and arguing with people on the internet...

SIL found the thread.

Actually, OP, lots of people just think you're crazy.

This

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP your idea of "owe" is imo weird. You apparently don't really want to hang out with that family hence feel non need to try to resolve what's going on.
Own THAT.
You don't want to see them but post about them not wanting to see you, lol.

I don’t appreciate being his family’s cash cow, which is an expectation they have that I did not mention as it was not the crux of the problem I posted about.

hahahaha. You really resent taking that food to their house, OP! wow.

The OP crash out in this thread has been entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP here- even with the projections and insults, I do appreciate the responses. I’m going to give my BIL and his family space for the foreseeable future and not reach out or be offended. As far as DH, how he communicates with them is on him, but if he visits again in the next year, I’m going to do something else. I’m going to let them work whatever this is about out on their own.

you weren't reaching out--your husband was. so this isn't a change. but if you want to stay away from the family that's on you. Don't be offended if they are more willing to get together without you there; it's just a data point that they see you as the problem.

It is a change, as I make hotel reservations and purchase food for these visits for everyone. I am going to stop doing that and stop attending if my husband makes plans otherwise. Try reading and check your assumptions.

If you are making hotel reservations you can give advanced notice. Do you live nearby or are you just stopping by on your way through? Your info seems contradictory.

[Anonymous]

Wait, you have grown kids and they have little kids? What's the age difference? 15+ years?

[Anonymous]

If this isn’t a troll, I don’t know why anyone believes a word BIL says. He changed his mind like three times about what the issue was.

[Anonymous]

I think you are looking too deep into finding meaning here. There are a so many possibilities here that you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.

The only thing that matters is that the visits are one sided, and they don't seem seem excited to have you guys over. So you stop visiting. It's that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are looking too deep into finding meaning here. There are a so many possibilities here that you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.

The only thing that matters is that the visits are one sided, and they don't seem seem excited to have you guys over. So you stop visiting. It's that simple.

This

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what the big mystery is here. Your visit was super inconvenient.