SIL doesn’t want DH to see her kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- even with the projections and insults, I do appreciate the responses. I’m going to give my BIL and his family space for the foreseeable future and not reach out or be offended. As far as DH, how he communicates with them is on him, but if he visits again in the next year, I’m going to do something else. I’m going to let them work whatever this is about out on their own.

you weren't reaching out--your husband was. so this isn't a change. but if you want to stay away from the family that's on you. Don't be offended if they are more willing to get together without you there; it's just a data point that they see you as the problem.

It is a change, as I make hotel reservations and purchase food for these visits for everyone. I am going to stop doing that and stop attending if my husband makes plans otherwise. Try reading and check your assumptions.

that's not reaching out. making hotel reservations for you and your spouse, and purchasing food, are different than reaching out. You did not communicate with your BIL or SIL; your husband talked to his brother. Which is fine, but you should be clear in your communications both here and with family if you want to be understood.

Understood? Or seeking to understand?

I’m actually no longer seeking to understand, but that was my intention with starting this thread. I think I got enough pages ago. I did what I could at the time (not relevant to this thread).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please take a deep breath. You are massively overreacting. This has nothing to do with you so why would you not go if your DH is going? It’s fine to skip if you really don’t enjoy them, but seems like you want to back away because you are offended.

BIL dropped the ball. It (rightly) annoyed SIL. Move along and quick obsessing about it

The assumptions are really revealing on this thread.

I’m not offended. I’m not obsessing either. I’m simply walking away. Boundaries. I’m over the drama.

...says the person frantically responding to all posts and arguing with people on the internet...

[Anonymous]

Didn't read all the responses, but why are you going to meet the kids? Normally people visit their siblings. I've never visited my siblings to hang out with their kids and certainly would not make an issue out of kids not being there for one reason or another. Based on your writing I also thought you don't have kids and are some weirdos. Hang out with your own kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please take a deep breath. You are massively overreacting. This has nothing to do with you so why would you not go if your DH is going? It’s fine to skip if you really don’t enjoy them, but seems like you want to back away because you are offended.

BIL dropped the ball. It (rightly) annoyed SIL. Move along and quick obsessing about it

The assumptions are really revealing on this thread.

I’m not offended. I’m not obsessing either. I’m simply walking away. Boundaries. I’m over the drama.

...says the person frantically responding to all posts and arguing with people on the internet...

SIL found the thread.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OPs husband is a creep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sounds like OPs husband is a creep

You can pay for your own food, entitled SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sounds like OPs husband is a creep

You can pay for your own food, entitled SIL.

I doubt she will miss the food you've brought the few times you've visited. She will be much happier without you visiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sounds like OPs husband is a creep

You can pay for your own food, entitled SIL.

You want SIL to pay for the food you bring when you show up to THEIR house on a short notice? I can see why BIL/SIL don't want you to visit. I'm sure they can figure out their own food as they've done the rest of their lives (except the 3x you "visited").

[Anonymous]

Don't visit unless you are invited, they never invite you there's your answer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sounds like OPs husband is a creep

You can pay for your own food, entitled SIL.

You want SIL to pay for the food you bring when you show up to THEIR house on a short notice? I can see why BIL/SIL don't want you to visit. I'm sure they can figure out their own food as they've done the rest of their lives (except the 3x you "visited").

I'm sure it's not as good or fancy as what OP brings. Or at least I'm assuming that's what OP thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please take a deep breath. You are massively overreacting. This has nothing to do with you so why would you not go if your DH is going? It’s fine to skip if you really don’t enjoy them, but seems like you want to back away because you are offended.

BIL dropped the ball. It (rightly) annoyed SIL. Move along and quick obsessing about it

The assumptions are really revealing on this thread.

I’m not offended. I’m not obsessing either. I’m simply walking away. Boundaries. I’m over the drama.

...says the person frantically responding to all posts and arguing with people on the internet...

SIL found the thread.

Actually, OP, lots of people just think you're crazy.

[Anonymous]

Why would young girls want to hang out with virtual strangers for a few hours? SIL didn't want to force them to do this so she sent them to her mom's.

Why are you all obsessed with hanging out with these nieces who you barely know?

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like a bored drama queen who likes to be a victim. My mom does this when she's at her worst so I have a nose for it. It goes like this:


Very black and white sweeping statement where someone else is BAD you are GOOD and have been WRONGED.

Totally based on speculation and assuming the worst intentions, usually that they don't like you/are judging you/have wrongly accused you, and usually for reasons that are not apparent to the people you're complaining to.

Assertions of "but it's fine" or "I don't care" or "it didn't matter to me anyway" when clearly, very cleary, you do care very much.

Others point out that maybe your take on the situation isn't grounded in anything real or productive and maybe it's not a big deal at all. As in, it's not about you. Which you find offensive so you double down.

Bonus points for abruptly ending the conversation with something overly pleasant and formal sounding like "Well I am off to go to eat dinner now but I hope you have a wonderful evening as well."

[Anonymous]

I’m so confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

DP here. But the point we're making is that your title is wrong, and it's likely not your SIL's fault. Make plans, don't make plans. But stop blaming only one person out of 4 adults, without any proof.

BIL texted that to DH. That’s what it’s the title.

Maybe you should have led with this information? Honestly your communication skills seem very poor, as do those of everyone involved here.

It seems like at least 3 of them have poor communication skills.
Habitual last minute visits that last a few hours?
No thanks.