Who decides when to propose, get married and have kids?

[Anonymous]

Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

[Anonymous]

If my DH would had been advised by a parent I would have said no for sure. If an adult can’t make up their mind, they shouldn’t propose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

Why should she butt out of her kids' lives? I don't want my kids marrying the wrong person. The more people who watch out for you the better in this world.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, young people who like the romanticized “proposal” thing have already had discussions. They know they are getting married, but don’t consider themselves engaged until they do the knee and ring thing.

On TV there is this narrative where the woman is totally surprised but I don’t know anyone who does that in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

Why should she butt out of her kids' lives? I don't want my kids marrying the wrong person. The more people who watch out for you the better in this world.

You have 5 year olds, don't you PP? Trust me when I say that you will not always be in charge of them.

[Anonymous]

Many women communicate early in the relationship that they are looking for marriage. If the man doesn’t move fast enough, the women move on to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

Why should she butt out of her kids' lives? I don't want my kids marrying the wrong person. The more people who watch out for you the better in this world.

Wrong for you or your kid? How would you know?

[Anonymous]

Anyone who wants a permanent partnership and children should not spend more than a year getting to know each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

Why should she butt out of her kids' lives? I don't want my kids marrying the wrong person. The more people who watch out for you the better in this world.

You have 5 year olds, don't you PP? Trust me when I say that you will not always be in charge of them.

No, I have teens and adults. I know I'm not in charge of them, but I don't butt out either. They're part of my life and I want to know if they're hanging out with the wrong people -- or marrying them.

[Anonymous]

You are reading too much into the DCUM posts of desperate women who expect their boyfriends to propose without prompting.

Normal men and women talk about marriage as a couple and then, perhaps, the man "proposes". But actually they have an understanding before that. Usually the parents are NOT involved in those decisions.

I do not know a single couple who needed to consult their parents or one in which a woman dumbly waited for years for a man to propose without discussing it beforehand.

Sometimes, though, a proposal can be a surprise. My husband proposed on the second date, because we met a month before he was due to accept a post abroad. He was in a hurry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

Why should she butt out of her kids' lives? I don't want my kids marrying the wrong person. The more people who watch out for you the better in this world.

You have 5 year olds, don't you PP? Trust me when I say that you will not always be in charge of them.

No, I have teens and adults. I know I'm not in charge of them, but I don't butt out either. They're part of my life and I want to know if they're hanging out with the wrong people -- or marrying them.

Yeah, well, good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

Why should she butt out of her kids' lives? I don't want my kids marrying the wrong person. The more people who watch out for you the better in this world.

But it is NOT your choice! It's your kid's choice as to whom to marry. As long as they are happy, I am happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many women communicate early in the relationship that they are looking for marriage. If the man doesn’t move fast enough, the women move on to someone else.

Rightfully so. At a certain point/age (not 22, but late 20s), no point in wasting time dating someone if you don't have similar ultimate goals (marriage/kids/careers/etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

Why should she butt out of her kids' lives? I don't want my kids marrying the wrong person. The more people who watch out for you the better in this world.

You have 5 year olds, don't you PP? Trust me when I say that you will not always be in charge of them.

No, I have teens and adults. I know I'm not in charge of them, but I don't butt out either. They're part of my life and I want to know if they're hanging out with the wrong people -- or marrying them.

Yeah, well, good luck with that.

+1. I’m sure you’ll be listening at the door on their honeymoon—they’ll need your wisdom and advice.