Who decides when to propose, get married and have kids?

[Anonymous]

The two adults who are doing the actions in question decide.

Both of them.

Neither of their parents.

[Anonymous]

OP, is this because you have a daughter and she isn't engaged? I really wonder why you think a "consensus" would help. Its not a consensus if he doesn't want to. If he wanted to, he would. She can break up with him. She and you and his parents can try to pressure him, but do you really want that for your daughter? A man who had to be pressured into marrying her? Wouldn't you rather she had a husband who wants to marry her of his own accord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

I wouldn’t advise unless they asked.

In healthy relationships, decisions are made together.

If my parents had a role in the decision, I doubt I’d be very happy. Great parents but their personalities are quite different than mine.

[Anonymous]

Only the people who will be in the bed together having wild sex need to be involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids know very well what our expectation and reasoning is for the kind of people they should marry, how they should structure their relationship so that it ends in marriage and a family, when they should have kids.

Also, we have a certain timeline for them to get married. If they don't find a person in that time, we will begin looking for a suitable person for them. My kids dated to find a person they can spend their life with and they dated to marry.

Also, marriage is seen as a union of two families. Because both families have to support the young couple so that they can do well in their career, marriage, finances and raise their children well.

You sound so insufferable. I hope your kids marry people who do not put up with this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many women communicate early in the relationship that they are looking for marriage. If the man doesn’t move fast enough, the women move on to someone else.

Rightfully so. At a certain point/age (not 22, but late 20s), no point in wasting time dating someone if you don't have similar ultimate goals (marriage/kids/careers/etc).

If they want kids, don’t waste time dating people that don’t have similar life goals after you finish undergrad. It’s too easy to run out of time and end up single and childless if you waste your 20s. Thats fine if you don’t want kids and don’t care to be in a long-term relationship, but a big problem if you want to get married and have kids eventually.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I met in college and dated for quite a few years. Then one year in Sept, after going to my sister’s wedding, I said I wanted to either be engaged before the following summer or, if that timeline didn’t match his, figure out whether our priorities weren’t aligned anymore.

That March when i got frustrated with him and brought up engagement; he said “you told me we had until the summer.” He proposed in May…that was nearly 20 years ago.

So I laid out some broad timeframes and then he proposed within them. (We got married 8 months later.)

[Anonymous]

My wife did the same, first checking that we were on the same page about a number of things and then after ttwo years or so, giving me a year to propose or move on.

20 years married this summer.

[Anonymous]

A lot of men keep women's lives in limbo for years before breaking up. If two people can't decide in 1-2 years, move on. No point in reeling in someone for years and years.

[Anonymous]

It's a mutual decision between two adults OP. If they aren't adult enough to discuss options before making decisions, they aren't adult enough to move forward.

[Anonymous]

If you watched Bachelor in Paradise last night we all knew Jess and Spencer would get engaged. That is how it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids know very well what our expectation and reasoning is for the kind of people they should marry, how they should structure their relationship so that it ends in marriage and a family, when they should have kids.

Also, we have a certain timeline for them to get married.

It seems like its all about what you want for them. They must find someone you would approve of and within your given timeframe and follow the given annual. What if they are attracted to partners who aren't your kind of people, want to marry earlier or later then approved window and structure a different relationship than allowed?

We only want what would be beneficial for them. Of course, they can be attracted to whoever they want.

However, if they want us to be ok and supportive of their romantic relationship, marriage, kids ...they know the blue print. They are also the product of this same blueprint that we have followed. You cannot benefit from what we have built and then also think that we will support you if you do opposite of that.

What are you gonna do to them if they don't follow your rules?

Ha ha. We will just treat them like American parents.

No paying for college, no funding their wedding, no down-payment for the house, no babysitting the grandkids, no celebrating their milestones, no living rent-free in our house after college, no new car when they start college, no generational wealth being passed down to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids know very well what our expectation and reasoning is for the kind of people they should marry, how they should structure their relationship so that it ends in marriage and a family, when they should have kids.

Also, we have a certain timeline for them to get married. If they don't find a person in that time, we will begin looking for a suitable person for them. My kids dated to find a person they can spend their life with and they dated to marry.

Also, marriage is seen as a union of two families. Because both families have to support the young couple so that they can do well in their career, marriage, finances and raise their children well.

You sound so insufferable. I hope your kids marry people who do not put up with this nonsense.

Worry about your miserable and hopeless life.

My kids are educated and privileged, and they will never marry people from dysfunctional families and ill-bred people like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men keep women's lives in limbo for years before breaking up. If two people can't decide in 1-2 years, move on. No point in reeling in someone for years and years.

Why are women allowing this? Because they have no self respect, no prospect and they are basically failures. Women should be in control of their life, their money and their fertility. Slave mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids know very well what our expectation and reasoning is for the kind of people they should marry, how they should structure their relationship so that it ends in marriage and a family, when they should have kids.

Also, we have a certain timeline for them to get married.

It seems like its all about what you want for them. They must find someone you would approve of and within your given timeframe and follow the given annual. What if they are attracted to partners who aren't your kind of people, want to marry earlier or later then approved window and structure a different relationship than allowed?

We only want what would be beneficial for them. Of course, they can be attracted to whoever they want.

However, if they want us to be ok and supportive of their romantic relationship, marriage, kids ...they know the blue print. They are also the product of this same blueprint that we have followed. You cannot benefit from what we have built and then also think that we will support you if you do opposite of that.

What are you gonna do to them if they don't follow your rules?

Ha ha. We will just treat them like American parents.

No paying for college, no funding their wedding, no down-payment for the house, no babysitting the grandkids, no celebrating their milestones, no living rent-free in our house after college, no new car when they start college, no generational wealth being passed down to them.

Oh no, normal life. How scary.

You would have already paid for college though.