Who decides when to propose, get married and have kids?

[Anonymous]

The imbalance occurs when one person (often male, but many times female too) is less interested in either the other person (not uninterested, just less) or less interested in the idea of marriage and family. In other words, the less interested party holds more power.

In most relationships, the two are equally vested and discuss marriage and family together.

You hear about relationships that are imbalanced more often, however, because it makes for more interesting gossip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

Girls let it be known if they want him to proposes. Guys put it off as long as possible. So, yes, there is an imbalance because the guys are always last to buy in to the idea.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine parents having a say in when I marry and have kids! I would have left dh if he let his parents make either decision for him. What kind of manchild lets their parents run their life?

Dh and I both decided together to marry and have children. We always wanted both with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

Girls let it be known if they want him to proposes. Guys put it off as long as possible. So, yes, there is an imbalance because the guys are always last to buy in to the idea.

Sort of funny because by the time they’re old, men propose almost immediately. All of my friends with widowed dad 60+ got married in less than a year. They couldn’t wait to get back to being married (probably to get a cook and a cleaner…)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who wants a permanent partnership and children should not spend more than a year getting to know each other.

Really? I think it's 2 yrs tops. 1 year is still fairy dust territory. I would think after a year you have an idea if you want to be with this person and you need another to be sure.

[Anonymous]

^^ When one or both parties are still in college the process may take longer. Both parties should be living on their own before marrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

Only about logistics and finances to book venues etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

Why should she butt out of her kids' lives? I don't want my kids marrying the wrong person. The more people who watch out for you the better in this world.

You have 5 year olds, don't you PP? Trust me when I say that you will not always be in charge of them.

This is true unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

My kids know very well what our expectation and reasoning is for the kind of people they should marry, how they should structure their relationship so that it ends in marriage and a family, when they should have kids.

Also, we have a certain timeline for them to get married. If they don't find a person in that time, we will begin looking for a suitable person for them. My kids dated to find a person they can spend their life with and they dated to marry.

Also, marriage is seen as a union of two families. Because both families have to support the young couple so that they can do well in their career, marriage, finances and raise their children well.

[Anonymous]

I got married more than 30 years ago and definitely had a voice in all of these things even back then. I have an MBA from a top school, am the primary earner, and am not a shrinking violet. Of course the decision to get married and when to have children was a joint decision since it affected both of our careers and even where we would live.

One of my kids is married and one is close to it, and how they choose to go about it is up to them. They are adults and can make their own life decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

Why should she butt out of her kids' lives? I don't want my kids marrying the wrong person. The more people who watch out for you the better in this world.

You have 5 year olds, don't you PP? Trust me when I say that you will not always be in charge of them.

No, I have teens and adults. I know I'm not in charge of them, but I don't butt out either. They're part of my life and I want to know if they're hanging out with the wrong people -- or marrying them.

Yeah, well, good luck with that.

+1. I’m sure you’ll be listening at the door on their honeymoon—they’ll need your wisdom and advice.

It's pretty standard to introduce an SO to family and friends. Nothing weird about that at all. So if your daughter was involved with someone who was a heavy drinker or had been in jail or worked as a bouncer and beat her,you would be the cool mom and say it was her choice? Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids know very well what our expectation and reasoning is for the kind of people they should marry, how they should structure their relationship so that it ends in marriage and a family, when they should have kids.

Also, we have a certain timeline for them to get married. If they don't find a person in that time, we will begin looking for a suitable person for them. My kids dated to find a person they can spend their life with and they dated to marry.

Also, marriage is seen as a union of two families. Because both families have to support the young couple so that they can do well in their career, marriage, finances and raise their children well.

Where is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you advise your sons and daughters to make this decision together with their significant other or let male partner decide when to go exclusive, when to move in together, when to propose, when to marry, when to have kids etc.? It seems Western men have unbalanced power in these equations. They've to be ready to decide to go ahead even though women are supposed to be equal partners in finances and logistics and practically handle 80% of the responsibilities.

We are from a different continent and these decisions are made by consensus between, both partners and both families. Men don't hold any special power. It just seems strange to see women accepting this system. They seem more interested in height of the groom and size of the diamond.

You come from a culture that involves "consensus by both families" and you are calling our way strange?

Butt out of your adult kids' lives, OP.

Why should she butt out of her kids' lives? I don't want my kids marrying the wrong person. The more people who watch out for you the better in this world.

You have 5 year olds, don't you PP? Trust me when I say that you will not always be in charge of them.

No, I have teens and adults. I know I'm not in charge of them, but I don't butt out either. They're part of my life and I want to know if they're hanging out with the wrong people -- or marrying them.

Yeah, well, good luck with that.

+1. I’m sure you’ll be listening at the door on their honeymoon—they’ll need your wisdom and advice.

You're gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ When one or both parties are still in college the process may take longer. Both parties should be living on their own before marrying.

These 'should and would' are nothing but society's stereotypical expectations. Some people thrive on their own while others thrive together. Once you are 25 and have one degree, you are fine to marry (if you find a good partner and don't have a large debt), instead of hoping from one dating app to another for 10 more years and then settling for leftovers.