Red Piller
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Anonymous
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I’m realizing that the man I’ve been dating for the past 4 months is a red piller. He has crappy views about women. he frequently finds a way to say negative things about women compared to men. he feels oppressed by women. I’m over it. Normally I would have a talk with someone I’ve been seeing this long and explain why I’m no longer interested.
For the first time ever I’m so repulsed, I just want to block him. Is ghosting wrong in this situation? |
Anonymous
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I think it's your duty to tell him why, because if he's in any way redeemable and really wants a relationship with a woman, he needs someone to tell him what he's doing wrong.
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Anonymous
| I would tell him. He must have some good qualities or you wouldn't have dated him for so long. You'll also be doing a public service. |
Anonymous
| He doesn’t have to be a red piller to have negative views on women, have you read DCUM? Most of the women bash their DH and all men even if the problem started with them. |
Anonymous
| No, you can ghost. Safety is paramount. Sounds like it could get ugly. |
Anonymous
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If you're the sort of person who can ghost, ghost. But you're the AH. Ghosting is immature af.
You get to leave people you don't fit with behind. If you care about him, you might tell him why. Otherwise, "This dynamic is no longer a good fit for me. I wish you the best." is fine, and infinitely better than ghosting. |
Anonymous
So start by making it ugly? She's felt safe enough for 4 months. Giving him an excuse to haunt her isn't best for her safety. Drawing a clear line is. Ghosting starts/prolongs conflict. |
Anonymous
Women do it to men constantly and it's never considered a problem |
Anonymous
| I would keep it simple and tell him this isn’t working for you. No details. |
Anonymous
Your response is stupid. Everyone gets to decide what works for them. If a woman is always complaining about men then by all means leave her. |
Anonymous
| Why not just say I don’t agree with your views on woman and find your views demeaning and disrespectful. |
Anonymous
If OP needs to say that for her own benefit, sure. But OP also needs to be wary of trying to fix or “understand” or salvage him. When I was dating exDH he said red piller things that I was frankly shocked at. Because I had a poor sense of self instead of noping out, I tried to convince him that his language and stances were incorrect and hurtful. I should have just walked away because that kind of thinking - and more importantly, saying it to your face - does NOT get better. A man who is willing to say red pill things to his girlfriend of 4 months is showing that he doesn’t care how it sounds to her and that she needs to accept his repugnant views. I won’t say it is abusive per se, but it is a sign that he believes he has the right to maintain a certain kind of control in a relationship because he expects to be able to say those things without consequence. |
Anonymous
| Just ghost. It’s safer for you and that’s the most important thing. |
Anonymous
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Ghost. Would you offer an explanation if he was saying blatantly racist or homophobic things? No.
But if you do decide to do it in person, pick a public spot and keep it short and firm. Don’t entertain any discussions or attempts to change your mind. End it and leave. |
Anonymous
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OP, the harpies will hate this but you need to assess the nature of the red pill comments/beliefs. If it’s that women should stay home, be subservient to men and have babies, and that does not fit with your worldview, you have every right to bow out.
However, if his red pill beliefs are along the lines of being wary of women at the early stages so he is not used for free meals and entertainment, that’s entirely different. That’s virtually every man’s lived experience. Now, you can still bail if you want, but that might be premature where he’s only seeking to protect himself. |