Is there anyway to discuss a spouse's weight gain and not cause permanent damage?

[Anonymous]

DH has gained 30 lbs over the last 6 years a combination of stress and depression to a combination of things loss of his father, a health scare and job change loss/ job change. I haven't said anything because obviously gaining weight was not the most important thing. I understand that he's 43 and some weight gain is inevitable but in addition to the health concerns he's slipping into the territory of becoming less physically attractive to me. How do I bring this up in a way that's not hurtful to him or our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately (in my humble opinion) you cannot.

However you can encourage health(ier!) eating by cooking more nutritious + balanced meals in the home.
You can also opt to stock your kitchen w/more fruits & vegetables instead of chips, cookies, etc.

You can also invite him to join you in physical activities that are enjoyable.
Perhaps a bike ride around your neighborhood after dinner before it gets dark…..even a nightly stroll 🚶‍♀️ would be an excellent idea.

By suggesting activities that are healthier for him (as well as for yourself) is a great push in the right direction!

Hope you find this helpful.

[Anonymous]

I really don’t think there is a way to do it without hurting his feelings. You are certainly entitled to do it though (and he is entitled to be hurt or counter with attractiveness or other complaints of his own.)

[Anonymous]

Do you know HOW he is gaining weight? If he eats at home can you cook less caloric family meals? Steal a few hundred calories a day, maybe he will notice and decide to try losing.
Is it alcohol, eating at night, or big lunches?

[Anonymous]

Mine gained 80 since we met in college and I absolutely addressed it because both his grandparents died of heart disease on their 60s and he's starting to get high cholesterol and high blood pressure. Mine is an emotional/stress eater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately (in my humble opinion) you cannot.

However you can encourage health(ier!) eating by cooking more nutritious + balanced meals in the home.
You can also opt to stock your kitchen w/more fruits & vegetables instead of chips, cookies, etc.

You can also invite him to join you in physical activities that are enjoyable.
Perhaps a bike ride around your neighborhood after dinner before it gets dark…..even a nightly stroll 🚶‍♀️ would be an excellent idea.

By suggesting activities that are healthier for him (as well as for yourself) is a great push in the right direction!

Hope you find this helpful.

Op here. This is very kind thank you.

As for how he's gained it. He's definitely a stress/ emotional eater. He also snacks at night and a lot during the day. We both work from home and he's always snacking. I wouldn't say he's meals are big but he is a big man ( tall) and needs to eat more often goes for seconds. No alcohol. We do go for family walks in the evening maybe we could do bikes too ori could suggest a midday walk on our lunch break.

[Anonymous]

Of course, my husband and I encourage each other to exercise and lose weight ever since we hit middle age and gradually found ourselves with more fat than we wanted. When we were younger we were both underweight.

I can't actually relate to all these people who cannot talk about weight. But then we're not American, and we don't fear this topic, or feel shame or guilt about it.

[Anonymous]

Injectibles! Have their physician get their BMI and do a free low does 2.5 mg sample at the appt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know HOW he is gaining weight? If he eats at home can you cook less caloric family meals? Steal a few hundred calories a day, maybe he will notice and decide to try losing.
Is it alcohol, eating at night, or big lunches?

This

Back to the basics

Portions size. Nutrition. Cut sugars and carbs. Stop juices or soda or sugar coffees. More proteins and fiber to feel full, longer.

Be active, move your body for 30 mins. Walking. Rowing. Online wall Pilates. Then join a class.

[Anonymous]

You can’t. However attempt to choose more of a healthy lifestyle - diet food exercise GLP

[Anonymous]

You don't. My husband and I have both lost and gained during our 25 year relationship. I'm so thankful he has never said anything to me. I mean, I knew when I was overweight. I don't say anything to him either. I think it adds more stress and isn't helpful.

[Anonymous]

Wegovy for $500/month OOP if you can’t get it covered by insurance. Works like a charm.

[Anonymous]

I think you don’t address it but just build him up as much as possible. If he’s eating primarily due to stress or depression, the better he feels the more likely he is to want to take care of himself. I’m sure he is aware that he’s gained weight.

[Anonymous]

DH here: let me disagree with the weight of opinion on this thread. I don’t think it’s exactly symmetrical between men and women on this issue. If you are talking about your DH, I believe you can and should address this directly and forthrightly with him. It’s an easier fix for men, some combination of minor diet modifications, cutting back on alcohol (if applicable) and exercise especially weightlifting will take the edge off the weight gain relatively easily in my experience. I say this as someone who had let myself go in this manner, and didn’t realize how much it was bothering my DW. I wish she’d said something when she was feeling the way you are now. It’s super easy to be in denial about this kind of issue when you are in a funk, he may not even really be aware of how far things have gone, and sometimes tough love is the correct choice. Just putting that in the mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you don’t address it but just build him up as much as possible. If he’s eating primarily due to stress or depression, the better he feels the more likely he is to want to take care of himself. I’m sure he is aware that he’s gained weight.

This. Emotional eating is a form of self soothing/self medication. If you want to address something with him, talk about his mood/stress/mental health.