Is there anyway to discuss a spouse's weight gain and not cause permanent damage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Injectibles! Have their physician get their BMI and do a free low does 2.5 mg sample at the appt.

This and therapy to help him work through the issues that are causing him to emotionally eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP and currently dealing with this scenario except we’re older and new empty nesters.

I’ve had a recent (minor) health diagnosis concurrent with earlier menopause and so revamped my diet and exercise and nutrition
going on five years now. DH nearly opposite-eating/sleeping/drinking and lack of activity and exercise. Refuses to ever go running/hiking or even walking with me.

“Trains” (huge flurry of activity) ahead of golfing or skiing rather than continual exercise.
Used to play an intramural sport but now says -you guessed it-has to “get back in shape” or train ahead of re joining the team.

DH has 55+ pounds to lose. Snores like a freight train. I’ve kicked him out of our room months ago. Sent him to doctor for sleep apnea diagnosis/physical. Blood tests came back fine and nothing mentioned about his weight and vague suggestion to get a sleep study.

I’ve said nothing. No comments. He might be close to making some changes as he’s taken to counseling and coaching our athletic DC (he’s a former college athlete) and can’t fully participate physically.

Jeez, just get rid of him already! So lazy!

[Anonymous]

I don’t think I understand why you’d need to discuss this. Your spouse is very aware of the weight gain already.

[Anonymous]

I don't know a way to bring it up that's gentle, OP. As someone who's struggled my entire life with weight. However, I'm on a GLP1 now and the most incredible thing it has done is help me stop my anti depressant. I am so much happier. I feel like a normal human being for the first time (yes and I'm losing weight).

If you can get to the point of having a conversation about it, you might mention the incredible mental health benefits that GLP1s seem to have. And see if he might be interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has gained 30 lbs over the last 6 years a combination of stress and depression to a combination of things loss of his father, a health scare and job change loss/ job change. I haven't said anything because obviously gaining weight was not the most important thing. I understand that he's 43 and some weight gain is inevitable but in addition to the health concerns he's slipping into the territory of becoming less physically attractive to me. How do I bring this up in a way that's not hurtful to him or our relationship.

DW has gained 65 pounds over 10 years. I tried discussing her weight gain in indirect ways without offending her. She never takes it well..and she is still gaining weight. She is not attractive. I still love her but I don't find her physically attractive anymore
. And also alf of her weight gain has happened around her belly and near her vagina. I won't divorce her and I won't cheat on her..we still have sex.

[Anonymous]

I am 6'0. At 25 I was 140 lbs. At 35 140 lbs. At 45 140 lbs and at 55 140 lbs. When I turned 30 people tell me every year your metabolism will slow down you will gain weight. I want to gain weight. I have tried my entire life. I have muscles but since I have no mass I look very skinny. All the men and women in my family are thin.

My wife has a great diet, she exercises friendly, she doesn't drink alcohol but she is still slightly overweight.

I think there may be some genetic element to weight gain.

Be kind to your partner if they are overweight. Work as a team to help. If you no longer find them attractive because they got "fat" then you never really loved them to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has gained 30 lbs over the last 6 years a combination of stress and depression to a combination of things loss of his father, a health scare and job change loss/ job change. I haven't said anything because obviously gaining weight was not the most important thing. I understand that he's 43 and some weight gain is inevitable but in addition to the health concerns he's slipping into the territory of becoming less physically attractive to me. How do I bring this up in a way that's not hurtful to him or our relationship.

DW has gained 65 pounds over 10 years. I tried discussing her weight gain in indirect ways without offending her. She never takes it well..and she is still gaining weight. She is not attractive. I still love her but I don't find her physically attractive anymore
. And also alf of her weight gain has happened around her belly and near her vagina. I won't divorce her and I won't cheat on her..we still have sex.

You're lucky she's still with you. You should tell her that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 6'0. At 25 I was 140 lbs. At 35 140 lbs. At 45 140 lbs and at 55 140 lbs. When I turned 30 people tell me every year your metabolism will slow down you will gain weight. I want to gain weight. I have tried my entire life. I have muscles but since I have no mass I look very skinny. All the men and women in my family are thin.

My wife has a great diet, she exercises friendly, she doesn't drink alcohol but she is still slightly overweight.

I think there may be some genetic element to weight gain.

Be kind to your partner if they are overweight. Work as a team to help. If you no longer find them attractive because they got "fat" then you never really loved them to begin with.

Give me a break. Love and sexual attraction are not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

My husband came to me last year about his concern about my eating habits and weight gain. It hurt, but he was right, and I knew it. I wasn't even overweight (5'7, 145 lbs) but I had gained 20 pounds since our marriage (20+ years ago), most of it over the past five years due to binge eating. He did it in a kind a caring way - said he was worried about me, that the way I was eating wasn't healthy. I felt hurt and upset but vowed to change. I had wanted to but just wasn't able to. I worked on it last year but couldn't stick to it and nothing changed. He approached me at the beginning of this year again and said he felt I needed professional help - maybe to see a dietician; maybe to try weight loss drugs. Went to a medspa, got a GLP-1, lost 20 lbs and I feel great. I'm glad he came to me; I truly am. He never said he was losing attraction to me (but when I said, "So you think I'm fat?" he said, "No, but I can see that you have gained weight"); just that he was worried about me, that we have young kids and need to stay healthy for them. And he said he wanted me to feel good about myself again.

I really appreciate that he talked to me. It was the kick in the pants that I needed to make a change and I'm much happier with myself now. My crap eating and my weight was ruining a lot of things - my energy, my self-image, my sex drive, my general happiness. Everything feels brighter now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband came to me last year about his concern about my eating habits and weight gain. It hurt, but he was right, and I knew it. I wasn't even overweight (5'7, 145 lbs) but I had gained 20 pounds since our marriage (20+ years ago), most of it over the past five years due to binge eating. He did it in a kind a caring way - said he was worried about me, that the way I was eating wasn't healthy. I felt hurt and upset but vowed to change. I had wanted to but just wasn't able to. I worked on it last year but couldn't stick to it and nothing changed. He approached me at the beginning of this year again and said he felt I needed professional help - maybe to see a dietician; maybe to try weight loss drugs. Went to a medspa, got a GLP-1, lost 20 lbs and I feel great. I'm glad he came to me; I truly am. He never said he was losing attraction to me (but when I said, "So you think I'm fat?" he said, "No, but I can see that you have gained weight"); just that he was worried about me, that we have young kids and need to stay healthy for them. And he said he wanted me to feel good about myself again.

I really appreciate that he talked to me. It was the kick in the pants that I needed to make a change and I'm much happier with myself now. My crap eating and my weight was ruining a lot of things - my energy, my self-image, my sex drive, my general happiness. Everything feels brighter now.

So let me get this straight. You were unaware that you had crap eating and gained 20+ lbs until your spouse came to you and told you that you had gained weight? You otherwise would not have known, and it took him bringing it up?

[Anonymous]

My husband was overweight. It did not really bother me but it bothered him. He is now on injectables. He has lost weight! However, I am very much not attracted to him with his current state both physically and mentally. I wish he had the willpower to at-least try to lose the weight through diet and exercise. He also physically looks like bones with skin hanging off of him. He has no muscle tone. He still has no drive to work out. He looks withered away. I absolutely cannot have a conversation about this to him. He is on cloud 9. I wish I had your issue OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband came to me last year about his concern about my eating habits and weight gain. It hurt, but he was right, and I knew it. I wasn't even overweight (5'7, 145 lbs) but I had gained 20 pounds since our marriage (20+ years ago), most of it over the past five years due to binge eating. He did it in a kind a caring way - said he was worried about me, that the way I was eating wasn't healthy. I felt hurt and upset but vowed to change. I had wanted to but just wasn't able to. I worked on it last year but couldn't stick to it and nothing changed. He approached me at the beginning of this year again and said he felt I needed professional help - maybe to see a dietician; maybe to try weight loss drugs. Went to a medspa, got a GLP-1, lost 20 lbs and I feel great. I'm glad he came to me; I truly am. He never said he was losing attraction to me (but when I said, "So you think I'm fat?" he said, "No, but I can see that you have gained weight"); just that he was worried about me, that we have young kids and need to stay healthy for them. And he said he wanted me to feel good about myself again.

I really appreciate that he talked to me. It was the kick in the pants that I needed to make a change and I'm much happier with myself now. My crap eating and my weight was ruining a lot of things - my energy, my self-image, my sex drive, my general happiness. Everything feels brighter now.

So let me get this straight. You were unaware that you had crap eating and gained 20+ lbs until your spouse came to you and told you that you had gained weight? You otherwise would not have known, and it took him bringing it up?

I was keenly aware, but I lacked the willpower and motivation to fix it until he brought it up to me. As I stated, it was the kick in the pants that I needed to take action to fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband came to me last year about his concern about my eating habits and weight gain. It hurt, but he was right, and I knew it. I wasn't even overweight (5'7, 145 lbs) but I had gained 20 pounds since our marriage (20+ years ago), most of it over the past five years due to binge eating. He did it in a kind a caring way - said he was worried about me, that the way I was eating wasn't healthy. I felt hurt and upset but vowed to change. I had wanted to but just wasn't able to. I worked on it last year but couldn't stick to it and nothing changed. He approached me at the beginning of this year again and said he felt I needed professional help - maybe to see a dietician; maybe to try weight loss drugs. Went to a medspa, got a GLP-1, lost 20 lbs and I feel great. I'm glad he came to me; I truly am. He never said he was losing attraction to me (but when I said, "So you think I'm fat?" he said, "No, but I can see that you have gained weight"); just that he was worried about me, that we have young kids and need to stay healthy for them. And he said he wanted me to feel good about myself again.

I really appreciate that he talked to me. It was the kick in the pants that I needed to make a change and I'm much happier with myself now. My crap eating and my weight was ruining a lot of things - my energy, my self-image, my sex drive, my general happiness. Everything feels brighter now.

So let me get this straight. You were unaware that you had crap eating and gained 20+ lbs until your spouse came to you and told you that you had gained weight? You otherwise would not have known, and it took him bringing it up?

I was keenly aware, but I lacked the willpower and motivation to fix it until he brought it up to me. As I stated, it was the kick in the pants that I needed to take action to fix it.

So your husband convinced you to start taking a drug with potentially serious side effects, that is frequently in short supply for people who actually need it, all so you can lose 20 vanity pounds? And you think that’s wonderful? OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know a way to bring it up that's gentle, OP. As someone who's struggled my entire life with weight. However, I'm on a GLP1 now and the most incredible thing it has done is help me stop my anti depressant. I am so much happier. I feel like a normal human being for the first time (yes and I'm losing weight).

If you can get to the point of having a conversation about it, you might mention the incredible mental health benefits that GLP1s seem to have. And see if he might be interested.

It also helps with adhd.

I lost all my “food noise” when here is walk around and just grab and wolf down food, not even when really hungry.

Or I’d be at a fancy dinner and eat the whole plate in less than 2 minutes and sit there watching everyone else eat, taste and talk for 20 minutes.

Either way I’d be over eating and overeating. Now I don’t. And lost weight with Zepbound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 6'0. At 25 I was 140 lbs. At 35 140 lbs. At 45 140 lbs and at 55 140 lbs. When I turned 30 people tell me every year your metabolism will slow down you will gain weight. I want to gain weight. I have tried my entire life. I have muscles but since I have no mass I look very skinny. All the men and women in my family are thin.

My wife has a great diet, she exercises friendly, she doesn't drink alcohol but she is still slightly overweight.

I think there may be some genetic element to weight gain.

Be kind to your partner if they are overweight. Work as a team to help. If you no longer find them attractive because they got "fat" then you never really loved them to begin with.

Give me a break. Love and sexual attraction are not the same thing.

Exactly.