Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’d say anyone who makes the claim that they stay home because they didn’t want someone to raise their kids wasn’t really cut out to advance in a career. They believe they can’t manage others to do what they want and they have to do everything themselves for it to be effective. This mentality is effective early in careers, but management is selected from the group who can trust their team, lead, and delegate. Someone who believes their lack of presence means they aren’t doing something are too insecure to be a good manager. So perhaps their DIY skills and micromanaging approach are better applied managing a household.

We’ve focused our energy to hiring good help and putting our children in high quality centers. We’ve quickly made adjustments when things aren’t working and we trust the people/orgs we’ve vetted and hired until we have a reason not to.

I also think people who find either child rearing or maintaining employment the most challenging are the most likely to pick one or the other. Some people just don’t find it that hard to raise kids while working. It can certainly be hard at times, but from what I’ve observed there are certain types of people who are incredibly challenged and some aren’t challenged at all. And many people along the spectrum in between.

Glad we heard from the resident middle manager who is quick to claim credit but slow to do any of the actual… work. Either at her job or at home, apparently.

Bet she gets paid a ton to “delegate” while adding little to any actual value, and the size of her paycheck makes her think her opinion matters

Getting a paycheck that grows over time is the point. If that happens, mission accomplished. Being an effective manager is really about doing what you need to make more money. Every worker is doing it for the money. If they say they aren’t, they’re lying. So yeah, I get paid a ton to delegate and I don’t care what you think because you sound jealous and I get paid a ton.

Not missing out on so many milestones and firsts was priceless.

Firsts are stupid. Kids 1st rollover usually happen at night in the crib, bed you see the 2nd one.. Nobody is missing a milestone except those deployed for months .

Y’all are wrapping yourself in knots for silly stuff.

When you have 2 kids and your h takes one to a game and you take the other you’ll miss the 1st basket or the 1st goal etc. it’s no big deal

It’s ok if you don’t care. Lots disagree with you.

Did you seek therapy when your child rolled over without you seeing it.

DP. You are working so hard to build and defeat these straw men, just because actually engaging with the actual argument is so scary.

My DH missed out DD's first steps and he still talks about how sad he was to not be there. It's been a decade. To him it is some comfort that I was there for those firsts and made sure to involve him as well as I could so they weren't just happening with a nanny or at a daycare. He feels real pride that we could live on his salary alone during those years so that DD could be with a parent instead of paid care.

I mean this just seems to be about his own issues. A decade later??

And the pride part - would feel gross to me, sorry. Because we could have done the same but didn't.

The whole post is either fantasy or creepy. Or both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say anyone who makes the claim that they stay home because they didn’t want someone to raise their kids wasn’t really cut out to advance in a career. They believe they can’t manage others to do what they want and they have to do everything themselves for it to be effective. This mentality is effective early in careers, but management is selected from the group who can trust their team, lead, and delegate. Someone who believes their lack of presence means they aren’t doing something are too insecure to be a good manager. So perhaps their DIY skills and micromanaging approach are better applied managing a household.

We’ve focused our energy to hiring good help and putting our children in high quality centers. We’ve quickly made adjustments when things aren’t working and we trust the people/orgs we’ve vetted and hired until we have a reason not to.

I also think people who find either child rearing or maintaining employment the most challenging are the most likely to pick one or the other. Some people just don’t find it that hard to raise kids while working. It can certainly be hard at times, but from what I’ve observed there are certain types of people who are incredibly challenged and some aren’t challenged at all. And many people along the spectrum in between.

Glad we heard from the resident middle manager who is quick to claim credit but slow to do any of the actual… work. Either at her job or at home, apparently.

Bet she gets paid a ton to “delegate” while adding little to any actual value, and the size of her paycheck makes her think her opinion matters

Getting a paycheck that grows over time is the point. If that happens, mission accomplished. Being an effective manager is really about doing what you need to make more money. Every worker is doing it for the money. If they say they aren’t, they’re lying. So yeah, I get paid a ton to delegate and I don’t care what you think because you sound jealous and I get paid a ton.

Not missing out on so many milestones and firsts was priceless.

Firsts are stupid. Kids 1st rollover usually happen at night in the crib, bed you see the 2nd one.. Nobody is missing a milestone except those deployed for months .

Y’all are wrapping yourself in knots for silly stuff.

When you have 2 kids and your h takes one to a game and you take the other you’ll miss the 1st basket or the 1st goal etc. it’s no big deal

It’s ok if you don’t care. Lots disagree with you.

Did you seek therapy when your child rolled over without you seeing it.

I’m happy with my choices. You don’t seem happy with yours.

Another lie you must tell yourself to feel good about your decisions.

If I’m a liar then we are all liars. Nobody can feel good about their decisions, not me or you. Or are you alone allowed to sit in judgment of everyone else? You are making less and less sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say anyone who makes the claim that they stay home because they didn’t want someone to raise their kids wasn’t really cut out to advance in a career. They believe they can’t manage others to do what they want and they have to do everything themselves for it to be effective. This mentality is effective early in careers, but management is selected from the group who can trust their team, lead, and delegate. Someone who believes their lack of presence means they aren’t doing something are too insecure to be a good manager. So perhaps their DIY skills and micromanaging approach are better applied managing a household.

We’ve focused our energy to hiring good help and putting our children in high quality centers. We’ve quickly made adjustments when things aren’t working and we trust the people/orgs we’ve vetted and hired until we have a reason not to.

I also think people who find either child rearing or maintaining employment the most challenging are the most likely to pick one or the other. Some people just don’t find it that hard to raise kids while working. It can certainly be hard at times, but from what I’ve observed there are certain types of people who are incredibly challenged and some aren’t challenged at all. And many people along the spectrum in between.

Glad we heard from the resident middle manager who is quick to claim credit but slow to do any of the actual… work. Either at her job or at home, apparently.

Bet she gets paid a ton to “delegate” while adding little to any actual value, and the size of her paycheck makes her think her opinion matters

Getting a paycheck that grows over time is the point. If that happens, mission accomplished. Being an effective manager is really about doing what you need to make more money. Every worker is doing it for the money. If they say they aren’t, they’re lying. So yeah, I get paid a ton to delegate and I don’t care what you think because you sound jealous and I get paid a ton.

Not missing out on so many milestones and firsts was priceless.

Firsts are stupid. Kids 1st rollover usually happen at night in the crib, bed you see the 2nd one.. Nobody is missing a milestone except those deployed for months .

Y’all are wrapping yourself in knots for silly stuff.

When you have 2 kids and your h takes one to a game and you take the other you’ll miss the 1st basket or the 1st goal etc. it’s no big deal

It’s ok if you don’t care. Lots disagree with you.

Did you seek therapy when your child rolled over without you seeing it.

I’m happy with my choices. You don’t seem happy with yours.

Another lie you must tell yourself to feel good about your decisions.

If I’m a liar then we are all liars. Nobody can feel good about their decisions, not me or you. Or are you alone allowed to sit in judgment of everyone else? You are making less and less sense.

Yes you lie when you say working moms miss all 1sts and SAHMs see all 1sts.

That’s a lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say anyone who makes the claim that they stay home because they didn’t want someone to raise their kids wasn’t really cut out to advance in a career. They believe they can’t manage others to do what they want and they have to do everything themselves for it to be effective. This mentality is effective early in careers, but management is selected from the group who can trust their team, lead, and delegate. Someone who believes their lack of presence means they aren’t doing something are too insecure to be a good manager. So perhaps their DIY skills and micromanaging approach are better applied managing a household.

We’ve focused our energy to hiring good help and putting our children in high quality centers. We’ve quickly made adjustments when things aren’t working and we trust the people/orgs we’ve vetted and hired until we have a reason not to.

I also think people who find either child rearing or maintaining employment the most challenging are the most likely to pick one or the other. Some people just don’t find it that hard to raise kids while working. It can certainly be hard at times, but from what I’ve observed there are certain types of people who are incredibly challenged and some aren’t challenged at all. And many people along the spectrum in between.

Glad we heard from the resident middle manager who is quick to claim credit but slow to do any of the actual… work. Either at her job or at home, apparently.

Bet she gets paid a ton to “delegate” while adding little to any actual value, and the size of her paycheck makes her think her opinion matters

Getting a paycheck that grows over time is the point. If that happens, mission accomplished. Being an effective manager is really about doing what you need to make more money. Every worker is doing it for the money. If they say they aren’t, they’re lying. So yeah, I get paid a ton to delegate and I don’t care what you think because you sound jealous and I get paid a ton.

Not missing out on so many milestones and firsts was priceless.

Firsts are stupid. Kids 1st rollover usually happen at night in the crib, bed you see the 2nd one.. Nobody is missing a milestone except those deployed for months .

Y’all are wrapping yourself in knots for silly stuff.

When you have 2 kids and your h takes one to a game and you take the other you’ll miss the 1st basket or the 1st goal etc. it’s no big deal

It’s ok if you don’t care. Lots disagree with you.

Did you seek therapy when your child rolled over without you seeing it.

I’m happy with my choices. You don’t seem happy with yours.

Another lie you must tell yourself to feel good about your decisions.

If I’m a liar then we are all liars. Nobody can feel good about their decisions, not me or you. Or are you alone allowed to sit in judgment of everyone else? You are making less and less sense.

Yes you lie when you say working moms miss all 1sts and SAHMs see all 1sts.

That’s a lie.

What do you care? You think firsts are “stupid”. Why do you care about missing out on something you never cared about? This is all just a huge cope from you.

[Anonymous]

I’m a sahm and it has been an amazing thing for me and my family. I barely remember any “firsts” and they weren’t huge moments. It was the daily, million little interactions that I value. Just saying we all have different reasons for our choices

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say anyone who makes the claim that they stay home because they didn’t want someone to raise their kids wasn’t really cut out to advance in a career. They believe they can’t manage others to do what they want and they have to do everything themselves for it to be effective. This mentality is effective early in careers, but management is selected from the group who can trust their team, lead, and delegate. Someone who believes their lack of presence means they aren’t doing something are too insecure to be a good manager. So perhaps their DIY skills and micromanaging approach are better applied managing a household.

We’ve focused our energy to hiring good help and putting our children in high quality centers. We’ve quickly made adjustments when things aren’t working and we trust the people/orgs we’ve vetted and hired until we have a reason not to.

I also think people who find either child rearing or maintaining employment the most challenging are the most likely to pick one or the other. Some people just don’t find it that hard to raise kids while working. It can certainly be hard at times, but from what I’ve observed there are certain types of people who are incredibly challenged and some aren’t challenged at all. And many people along the spectrum in between.

Glad we heard from the resident middle manager who is quick to claim credit but slow to do any of the actual… work. Either at her job or at home, apparently.

Bet she gets paid a ton to “delegate” while adding little to any actual value, and the size of her paycheck makes her think her opinion matters

Getting a paycheck that grows over time is the point. If that happens, mission accomplished. Being an effective manager is really about doing what you need to make more money. Every worker is doing it for the money. If they say they aren’t, they’re lying. So yeah, I get paid a ton to delegate and I don’t care what you think because you sound jealous and I get paid a ton.

Not missing out on so many milestones and firsts was priceless.

Firsts are stupid. Kids 1st rollover usually happen at night in the crib, bed you see the 2nd one.. Nobody is missing a milestone except those deployed for months .

Y’all are wrapping yourself in knots for silly stuff.

When you have 2 kids and your h takes one to a game and you take the other you’ll miss the 1st basket or the 1st goal etc. it’s no big deal

It’s ok if you don’t care. Lots disagree with you.

Did you seek therapy when your child rolled over without you seeing it.

I’m happy with my choices. You don’t seem happy with yours.

Another lie you must tell yourself to feel good about your decisions.

If I’m a liar then we are all liars. Nobody can feel good about their decisions, not me or you. Or are you alone allowed to sit in judgment of everyone else? You are making less and less sense.

Yes you lie when you say working moms miss all 1sts and SAHMs see all 1sts.

That’s a lie.

What do you care? You think firsts are “stupid”. Why do you care about missing out on something you never cared about? This is all just a huge cope from you.

Like someone said above I don’t care myself but when young moms or young moms to be read these websites and see all the lies SAHMs have to say to justify their life we’d like them to know… yes kids can be in daycare/w nanny only fir a few hours a day, there are flexible jibs (60% is highly common now), H’s can be partners in raising their own children instead of being absent because they are busy picking up the slack, you don’t miss 1sts any more than you could sleeping and if you see the 2nd it’s just as exciting…,

Any other lies you’d like to share so I can dispel them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say anyone who makes the claim that they stay home because they didn’t want someone to raise their kids wasn’t really cut out to advance in a career. They believe they can’t manage others to do what they want and they have to do everything themselves for it to be effective. This mentality is effective early in careers, but management is selected from the group who can trust their team, lead, and delegate. Someone who believes their lack of presence means they aren’t doing something are too insecure to be a good manager. So perhaps their DIY skills and micromanaging approach are better applied managing a household.

We’ve focused our energy to hiring good help and putting our children in high quality centers. We’ve quickly made adjustments when things aren’t working and we trust the people/orgs we’ve vetted and hired until we have a reason not to.

I also think people who find either child rearing or maintaining employment the most challenging are the most likely to pick one or the other. Some people just don’t find it that hard to raise kids while working. It can certainly be hard at times, but from what I’ve observed there are certain types of people who are incredibly challenged and some aren’t challenged at all. And many people along the spectrum in between.

Glad we heard from the resident middle manager who is quick to claim credit but slow to do any of the actual… work. Either at her job or at home, apparently.

Bet she gets paid a ton to “delegate” while adding little to any actual value, and the size of her paycheck makes her think her opinion matters

Getting a paycheck that grows over time is the point. If that happens, mission accomplished. Being an effective manager is really about doing what you need to make more money. Every worker is doing it for the money. If they say they aren’t, they’re lying. So yeah, I get paid a ton to delegate and I don’t care what you think because you sound jealous and I get paid a ton.

Not missing out on so many milestones and firsts was priceless.

Firsts are stupid. Kids 1st rollover usually happen at night in the crib, bed you see the 2nd one.. Nobody is missing a milestone except those deployed for months .

Y’all are wrapping yourself in knots for silly stuff.

When you have 2 kids and your h takes one to a game and you take the other you’ll miss the 1st basket or the 1st goal etc. it’s no big deal

It’s ok if you don’t care. Lots disagree with you.

Did you seek therapy when your child rolled over without you seeing it.

I’m happy with my choices. You don’t seem happy with yours.

Another lie you must tell yourself to feel good about your decisions.

If I’m a liar then we are all liars. Nobody can feel good about their decisions, not me or you. Or are you alone allowed to sit in judgment of everyone else? You are making less and less sense.

Yes you lie when you say working moms miss all 1sts and SAHMs see all 1sts.

That’s a lie.

What do you care? You think firsts are “stupid”. Why do you care about missing out on something you never cared about? This is all just a huge cope from you.

Like someone said above I don’t care myself but when young moms or young moms to be read these websites and see all the lies SAHMs have to say to justify their life we’d like them to know… yes kids can be in daycare/w nanny only fir a few hours a day, there are flexible jibs (60% is highly common now), H’s can be partners in raising their own children instead of being absent because they are busy picking up the slack, you don’t miss 1sts any more than you could sleeping and if you see the 2nd it’s just as exciting…,

Any other lies you’d like to share so I can dispel them?

Just your lie that “firsts are stupid” we can just start there. It’s cute you think you’re doing a public service here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are basically saying they couldn’t leave the kids with someone else. Don’t make a little thing into something it’s not. You all need to get a life and stop looking for reasons to be offended

That’s an interpretation

Another interpretation is the person is too stupid to work

There are tons of interpretations

None are actually “being offended”.

I’m not offended when someone says the world is flat I just think their stupid

I stayed home when my kids were 0-2, put them in a part time play school at 2, and then school at 3. I'm also a journalist and author and worked 10-15 hrs a week during that time, but I did all the SAHM mom things because I felt it was important.

Do you know who I became friends with in the neighborhood, what other SAHM moms I found? A Rhodes Scholar, and a woman with a phD from an ivy league school. All of use are working now, but we stayed home very intentionally in the early years.

Ivy League grads are more likely to stay home:
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/apr/21/female-ivy-league-graduates-stay-home-moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are basically saying they couldn’t leave the kids with someone else. Don’t make a little thing into something it’s not. You all need to get a life and stop looking for reasons to be offended

That’s an interpretation

Another interpretation is the person is too stupid to work

There are tons of interpretations

None are actually “being offended”.

I’m not offended when someone says the world is flat I just think their stupid

I stayed home when my kids were 0-2, put them in a part time play school at 2, and then school at 3. I'm also a journalist and author and worked 10-15 hrs a week during that time, but I did all the SAHM mom things because I felt it was important.

Do you know who I became friends with in the neighborhood, what other SAHM moms I found? A Rhodes Scholar, and a woman with a phD from an ivy league school. All of use are working now, but we stayed home very intentionally in the early years.

Ivy League grads are more likely to stay home:
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/apr/21/female-ivy-league-graduates-stay-home-moms

I keep remembering more people in this category... Including one (one ivy degree and another stanford) who has studied 0-3 development and stayed home because "once you know how important it is, you can't un-know."

[Anonymous]

Np. This whole thread is wild to me.

Moms who speak to other moms about staying home as superior to working and denigrate working are aholes. Pure and simple. You may believe it; you may live it but you don’t get to put others down and make them feel less than. Gtf over yourselves. There are also many working moms who don’t miss the firsts for a million reasons. But even if they do, why would you make another person feel bad about that? It’s literally a sickness. Stop you weirdos.

[Anonymous]

No one, and I mean no one, denigrates working. What we do is question the realities of daycare.

[Anonymous]

It’s not fair to guilt moms and dads who have no choice about using daycare. And it’s also not wise for one parent to leave the workforce permanently when their spouse might die, leave, lose their job, etc.

BUT families who take 1-2 years parental leave are making financial sacrifices that daycare families are not. It’s rude and wrong to say they are fools for doing so when research suggests it’s healthier for kids, especially very young ones, to spend less time in daycare.

There are other options besides this endless sahm vs wohm war.. We can start by having employers offer more parental leave/part time/telework options between the ages of 0-2, (even if unpaid/partial pay) and stop blacklisting people who have left the workforce for that long for childcare. Start encouraging fathers to take this leave more often. since it is acceptable to take 1-2 years off for a grad degree, or even to try starting a business or consulting firm, patental leave should be just as acceptable.

Also, many people on this board are hhi over 200k. EVEN in the DMV area you can afford to take 1-2 years of parental leave if you buy a more affordable home, either further out or a townhouse instead. There was just a thread in real estate about a couple getting flack from friends and realtors over buying on one income instead of two (townhouse vs sfh). This mentality is the actual problem. People are sacrificing parental leave for ‘the right house’ in ‘the right neighborhood.’ Young married couples should not box themselves into these maximum mortgages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one, and I mean no one, denigrates working. What we do is question the realities of daycare.

So many people denigrate working! They denigrate being absent from your child to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not fair to guilt moms and dads who have no choice about using daycare. And it’s also not wise for one parent to leave the workforce permanently when their spouse might die, leave, lose their job, etc.

BUT families who take 1-2 years parental leave are making financial sacrifices that daycare families are not. It’s rude and wrong to say they are fools for doing so when research suggests it’s healthier for kids, especially very young ones, to spend less time in daycare.

There are other options besides this endless sahm vs wohm war.. We can start by having employers offer more parental leave/part time/telework options between the ages of 0-2, (even if unpaid/partial pay) and stop blacklisting people who have left the workforce for that long for childcare. Start encouraging fathers to take this leave more often. since it is acceptable to take 1-2 years off for a grad degree, or even to try starting a business or consulting firm, patental leave should be just as acceptable.

Also, many people on this board are hhi over 200k. EVEN in the DMV area you can afford to take 1-2 years of parental leave if you buy a more affordable home, either further out or a townhouse instead. There was just a thread in real estate about a couple getting flack from friends and realtors over buying on one income instead of two (townhouse vs sfh). This mentality is the actual problem. People are sacrificing parental leave for ‘the right house’ in ‘the right neighborhood.’ Young married couples should not box themselves into these maximum mortgages.

Everyone likes to think they ‘have the answer’ and they don’t.
Some kids whose moms stayed home full time are monsters. Some kids who went to daycare are great. And vice versa. There are so many case scenarios. Part time work/ remote work/ Nannies and everything in between.
The main thing is this smugness. Like - don’t be smug! Don’t assume you have it dialed or if you do - then just be happy. Don’t denigrate others. I have a friend who de prioritized her career and her dh just died and she has 2 young kids and now they have to sell the house and she has to restart from near zero. I don’t judge her. Every choice has a downside. Why don’t we start building each other up instead of this bs. Sahms - next time you are talking with a working mom why not try saying - hey you are making this awesome choice for your kids that I’m sure isn’t easy but has a lot of benefits and see how meaningful that is to them. As a working mom I tell my friend who stayed at home often how great her kids are and what a great job she did.
Just like - stop

[Anonymous]

Maybe I was just overstretched with twins but I don't remember any firsts, except first steps and I'd have been fine to just see it when I got home IF I had been working. I do wish I had taken more videos of the everyday mundane toddler stuff though.