Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not fair to guilt moms and dads who have no choice about using daycare.  And it’s also not wise for one parent to leave the workforce permanently when their spouse might die, leave, lose their job, etc.

BUT families who take 1-2 years parental leave are making financial sacrifices that daycare families are not. It’s rude and wrong to say they are fools for doing so when research suggests it’s healthier for kids, especially very young ones, to spend less time in daycare.

There are other options besides this endless sahm vs wohm war..  We can start by having employers offer more parental leave/part time/telework options between the ages of 0-2, (even if unpaid/partial pay) and stop blacklisting people who have left the workforce for that long for childcare.  Start encouraging fathers to take this leave more often.  since it is  acceptable to take 1-2 years off for a grad degree, or even to try starting a business or consulting firm, patental leave should be just as acceptable.

Also, many people on this board are hhi over 200k.  EVEN in the DMV area you can afford to take 1-2 years of parental leave if you buy a more affordable home, either further out or a townhouse instead.  There was just a thread in real estate about a couple getting flack from friends and realtors over buying on one income instead of two (townhouse vs sfh).  This mentality is the actual problem.  People are sacrificing parental leave for ‘the right house’ in ‘the right neighborhood.’  Young married couples should not box themselves into these maximum mortgages.

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Everyone likes to think they ‘have the answer’ and they don’t. 
Some kids whose moms stayed home full time are monsters. Some kids who went to daycare are great. And vice versa. There are so many case scenarios. Part time work/ remote work/ Nannies and everything in between. 
The main thing is this smugness. Like - don’t be smug! Don’t assume you have it dialed or if you do - then just be happy. Don’t denigrate others. I have a friend who de prioritized her career and her dh just died and she has 2 young kids and now they have to sell the house and she has to restart from near zero. I don’t judge her. Every choice has a downside. Why don’t we start building each other up instead of this bs. Sahms - next time you are talking with a working mom why not try saying - hey you are making this awesome choice for your kids that I’m sure isn’t easy but has a lot of benefits and see how meaningful that is to them. As a working mom I tell my friend who stayed at home often how great her kids are and what a great job she did. 
Just like - stop [/quote]

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