Dreading the empty nest - I need something to keep me busy

[Anonymous]

Not sure this is the right forum, but i'm getting super anxious about my kid leaving for college this fall. We're very close and spend at least a little time together every day-- several days a week we're together from after work/ school all the way to bedtime. Just watching TV or chatting or cooking together. (She has her own life with extra curriculars and friends but she has always chosen to include time with me, too.) I don't intend to text/ call constantly. She needs to grow into her own self.

So... what am I going to do with myself?

-- I've gone through a bunch of hobbies, but I don't want to fill my house with paint and yarn and gear, all to produce amateur crafts I don't want. And I'm not generally creative/ artsy.
-- I read a ton, about as much as my eyesight can handle after a day a computer.
-- I don't really care for TV; maybe one series at a time, and not all the time.
-- I have friends, but they have lives and I don't want to saddle them with my neediness. And anyway, what do you DO other than walks and dinners?
-- My job is pretty strictly M-F, 9-5. I've found that volunteering is hard with an office schedule. And DC is a place where people seem to compete to volunteer. I've tried several times and found that even scheduling a shift (!) was hit-or-miss and just a lot like work. And my career is in the non-profit space anyway.

Save your tough love (meanness) please. I feel a bad place on the horizon and don't need to feel worse. Sincerely looking for some helpful thoughts for keeping busy and maybe even to grow a bit.

[Anonymous]

Do you like games? I found a couple meetup groups who play my favorite game.

Exercise? Some kind of challenge? Running a race or other fitness goals?

Audiobooks?

[Anonymous]

Home projects?

[Anonymous]

I started Ballroom dancing lessons. It was one of the BEST decisions I made. I've made great friends and I'm getting some exercise. So many places here in the DMV to social dance once you get a few basic steps under your belt. I'm having the time of my life!
Other than that, I also garden. I have a plot at a community garden (have made great friends) and I volunteer on Saturdays at a few gardens in the area.
I remember this stage well. (((HUGS)))

[Anonymous]

Do you have any pets? Perhaps adopting a couple of kittens or a young dog is the answer. Or what about taking up hiking? Every weekend you can try out a new trail. The suggestion of games is a good one. Find a few meetup groups for game nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure this is the right forum, but i'm getting super anxious about my kid leaving for college this fall. We're very close and spend at least a little time together every day-- several days a week we're together from after work/ school all the way to bedtime. Just watching TV or chatting or cooking together. (She has her own life with extra curriculars and friends but she has always chosen to include time with me, too.) I don't intend to text/ call constantly. She needs to grow into her own self.

So... what am I going to do with myself?

-- I've gone through a bunch of hobbies, but I don't want to fill my house with paint and yarn and gear, all to produce amateur crafts I don't want. And I'm not generally creative/ artsy.
-- I read a ton, about as much as my eyesight can handle after a day a computer.
-- I don't really care for TV; maybe one series at a time, and not all the time.
-- I have friends, but they have lives and I don't want to saddle them with my neediness. And anyway, what do you DO other than walks and dinners?
-- My job is pretty strictly M-F, 9-5. I've found that volunteering is hard with an office schedule. And DC is a place where people seem to compete to volunteer. I've tried several times and found that even scheduling a shift (!) was hit-or-miss and just a lot like work. And my career is in the non-profit space anyway.

Save your tough love (meanness) please. I feel a bad place on the horizon and don't need to feel worse. Sincerely looking for some helpful thoughts for keeping busy and maybe even to grow a bit.

Find more friends who have time and who want to spend time together. I have 2 close friends, but they were always busy and I see them maybe once a month. I decided I want more friends. I joined a monthly book club, meetup and joined 2 hiking, 1 tennis and a social group, and I joined a hiking group through FB. I now have more friends and activities than I have tine. My kids are still young, but I want well vetted friends for when they leave. I made friends who are my age, younger and older. It is great. About 5 of them have become close friends.

[Anonymous]

You are smart to get ahead of this. I agree a pet is a good idea. Maybe start by fostering with local rescues.

[Anonymous]

I know you said you don't feel artsy but quilting you can use old clothes and up cycle when you sew. Sewing and quilting groups and retreats are good also gets you out of the house.

[Anonymous]

An exercise class after work most days might help. I imagine the evenings will feel long, at first, and other people are more likely to be busy then. So exercising right after work would make the evening in the house shorter.

[Anonymous]

OP here

Thank you so much! These are some great ideas-- keep 'em coming.

I think one of the issues is efficiency-- I've pared and streamlined so much over the years of single parenthood that caring for the pets (we have three) and the house doesn't occupy a lot of time. Home projects were how I filled my spare time over the past few years, and the house is in great shape. I can't justify more renovating/ redecorating (although I do enjoy that) because I got everything the way I like it. My daughter and I did a lot of it together!

I'm intrigued by the idea of ballroom dancing, and I bet my boyfriend would be into it too. Or if he's not... is it open to solo participants? Not sure how much we'd like the actual thing. Got a recommendation for someplace to try? We're in Petworth.

And I do like gardening. The very small garden I have is finished (after several years of being my primary hobby) and requires only the most minimal maintenance now. I'll check to see if any of the community gardens in my area have spaces available. I looked before and they all had waitlists, but that was around the pandemic so maybe they've opened up a bit.

I'd love to join a hiking group. Any idea where to start? When I've looked before, everything I've found has been geared toward 20-somethings. Who are often fantastic people, but maybe not the vibe that would keep me going back.

Maybe I just need to form a DC empty nesters club. Maybe it exists and someone can point me in the right direction!

[Anonymous]

Travel. Besides the actual travel, planning the trips is something to dig your teeth into. And doesn’t have to be elaborate overseas travel, I’m planning driving the entire Blue Ridge Parkway at some point when my youngest goes to college this fall. Or even day trips, I’m a budding Civil War buff and plan to visit and tour the battlefields in PA, MD, VA.

Join a gym/exercise class. Another one of my plans.

Visiting farmers markets and buying fresh food and trying out new recipes and meals.

[Anonymous]

I got a part time job that keeps me physically active.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

Thank you so much! These are some great ideas-- keep 'em coming.

I think one of the issues is efficiency-- I've pared and streamlined so much over the years of single parenthood that caring for the pets (we have three) and the house doesn't occupy a lot of time. Home projects were how I filled my spare time over the past few years, and the house is in great shape. I can't justify more renovating/ redecorating (although I do enjoy that) because I got everything the way I like it. My daughter and I did a lot of it together!

I'm intrigued by the idea of ballroom dancing, and I bet my boyfriend would be into it too. Or if he's not... is it open to solo participants? Not sure how much we'd like the actual thing. Got a recommendation for someplace to try? We're in Petworth.

And I do like gardening. The very small garden I have is finished (after several years of being my primary hobby) and requires only the most minimal maintenance now. I'll check to see if any of the community gardens in my area have spaces available. I looked before and they all had waitlists, but that was around the pandemic so maybe they've opened up a bit.

I'd love to join a hiking group. Any idea where to start? When I've looked before, everything I've found has been geared toward 20-somethings. Who are often fantastic people, but maybe not the vibe that would keep me going back.

Maybe I just need to form a DC empty nesters club. Maybe it exists and someone can point me in the right direction!

There are hiking groups on meetup. One of my favorites is Silver Spring Outdoors. They also host social outings like dancing, restaraunts and breweries. I met 2 good friends through that group. Activities are in and around SS, including sone in DC. Most people are 40-60yo.

[Anonymous]

I’m in the same boat. We (spouse and I) are really working to figure this out. We’re trying to get tickets to more things like Broadway shows. We try to find live
Music. We go to the gym - different ones though. We are anxiously waiting for better weather to get some bike riding in. I’m an artist and I do like crafts so that fills some of my time.

It’s much easier when the weather is nice and the days are filled with sunlight. Figuring out winter is harder.

[Anonymous]

1. Pick a show and watch it with your daughter. Then you two can talk about each episode regularly.

2. Ask the public library if you can volunteer with them. At mine, there's a program to match native English speakers with non-native English speakers who want to improve their English.

3. Take a cooking class or something after work. Or become a yogi.