Dreading the empty nest - I need something to keep me busy

[Anonymous]

Kids are going to need you even if they have flown the coop. They keep coming back. Especially with the world order and job market now. Your biggest challenges are still ahead. Getting your kids to college was the easy part.

So, my suggestion for empty nesters in their 50s and 60s is -

1) Clean your diet. Start eating super healthy to protect your health and grow stronger. Scary health news can scuttle your life.

2) Exercise like a fiend. Cardio, bone health, flexibility, stamina.

3) Declutter and minimize your household. Konmari and swedish death cleanse.

4) Get your will, all legal papers, retirement papers, health directives in order. Make copies for your kids.

5) Improve your social connection with family, friends. Find new group hobbies.

6) Start travelling.

My 2 cents is not to get into crafts if that is not your deal - it will add to clutter. Not to get a new pet to reduce your loneliness - because a pet is like getting a newborn. You will curtail your freedom.

- Empty nester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i'm also worried about my DD leaving next yr, she'a almost 17 but doesn't cook, laundry, drive, work so not sure if she's ready for college but she loves spending time with me and Dh at home.

I’m the pp with the attached dd. You need to teach her these skills before she goes! Why aren’t you starting? My dd has been doing her own laundry since she was 11. She’s not a gourmet cook, but she can make basic things and follow a recipe for some more complicated dishes. The driving is a harder one, but do work on the other things.

I've tried but she's just not interested in doing these things.

Yeah that’s not a reason to not make her do it. Neither of my kids enjoys chores. Who is? I’m not. It’s part of a healthy household. What does she enjoy doing? Yeah tell her she can’t do those things unless she helps around the house.

It's not that simple for her. She would get violent if we made her.

Umm. What?? You have bigger issues than chores. This kid shouldn’t be going to college.

[Anonymous]

When my youngest left for college, I started volunteering as an usher at a local theater. The people are great, it has an element of physical activity (depending on the assignment), and I get to see all the shows, sometimes multiple times. I also joined a gym and started going to classes regularly. Getting to know people in the classes has been helpful socially and has made me more committed to regular attendance. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Kids are going to need you even if they have flown the coop. They keep coming back. Especially with the world order and job market now. Your biggest challenges are still ahead. Getting your kids to college was the easy part.

So, my suggestion for empty nesters in their 50s and 60s is -

1) Clean your diet. Start eating super healthy to protect your health and grow stronger. Scary health news can scuttle your life.

2) Exercise like a fiend. Cardio, bone health, flexibility, stamina.

3) Declutter and minimize your household. Konmari and swedish death cleanse.

4) Get your will, all legal papers, retirement papers, health directives in order. Make copies for your kids.

5) Improve your social connection with family, friends. Find new group hobbies.

6) Start travelling.

My 2 cents is not to get into crafts if that is not your deal - it will add to clutter. Not to get a new pet to reduce your loneliness - because a pet is like getting a newborn. You will curtail your freedom.

- Empty nester.

Oh also -

- Start getting all your medical tests - full cardio check up, colonoscopy, booster shots and new jabs for shingles etc, mammogram, dental and eye health etc. This is just a calm before the storm. You will be required for all kinds of health and aging related issues from family and relatives. So gear up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i'm also worried about my DD leaving next yr, she'a almost 17 but doesn't cook, laundry, drive, work so not sure if she's ready for college but she loves spending time with me and Dh at home.

I’m the pp with the attached dd. You need to teach her these skills before she goes! Why aren’t you starting? My dd has been doing her own laundry since she was 11. She’s not a gourmet cook, but she can make basic things and follow a recipe for some more complicated dishes. The driving is a harder one, but do work on the other things.

I've tried but she's just not interested in doing these things.

Yeah that’s not a reason to not make her do it. Neither of my kids enjoys chores. Who is? I’m not. It’s part of a healthy household. What does she enjoy doing? Yeah tell her she can’t do those things unless she helps around the house.

It's not that simple for her. She would get violent if we made her.

Umm. What?? You have bigger issues than chores. This kid shouldn’t be going to college.

Just teenage outbursts. She just acts like that towards us but at school/outside she's okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i'm also worried about my DD leaving next yr, she'a almost 17 but doesn't cook, laundry, drive, work so not sure if she's ready for college but she loves spending time with me and Dh at home.

I’m the pp with the attached dd. You need to teach her these skills before she goes! Why aren’t you starting? My dd has been doing her own laundry since she was 11. She’s not a gourmet cook, but she can make basic things and follow a recipe for some more complicated dishes. The driving is a harder one, but do work on the other things.

I've tried but she's just not interested in doing these things.

Yeah that’s not a reason to not make her do it. Neither of my kids enjoys chores. Who is? I’m not. It’s part of a healthy household. What does she enjoy doing? Yeah tell her she can’t do those things unless she helps around the house.

It's not that simple for her. She would get violent if we made her.

Umm. What?? You have bigger issues than chores. This kid shouldn’t be going to college.

Just teenage outbursts. She just acts like that towards us but at school/outside she's okay.

Violent is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i'm also worried about my DD leaving next yr, she'a almost 17 but doesn't cook, laundry, drive, work so not sure if she's ready for college but she loves spending time with me and Dh at home.

I’m the pp with the attached dd. You need to teach her these skills before she goes! Why aren’t you starting? My dd has been doing her own laundry since she was 11. She’s not a gourmet cook, but she can make basic things and follow a recipe for some more complicated dishes. The driving is a harder one, but do work on the other things.

I've tried but she's just not interested in doing these things.

Yeah that’s not a reason to not make her do it. Neither of my kids enjoys chores. Who is? I’m not. It’s part of a healthy household. What does she enjoy doing? Yeah tell her she can’t do those things unless she helps around the house.

It's not that simple for her. She would get violent if we made her.

Umm. What?? You have bigger issues than chores. This kid shouldn’t be going to college.

Just teenage outbursts. She just acts like that towards us but at school/outside she's okay.

Violent is not normal.

Can be for some kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Kids are going to need you even if they have flown the coop. They keep coming back. Especially with the world order and job market now. Your biggest challenges are still ahead. Getting your kids to college was the easy part.

So, my suggestion for empty nesters in their 50s and 60s is -

1) Clean your diet. Start eating super healthy to protect your health and grow stronger. Scary health news can scuttle your life.

2) Exercise like a fiend. Cardio, bone health, flexibility, stamina.

3) Declutter and minimize your household. Konmari and swedish death cleanse.

4) Get your will, all legal papers, retirement papers, health directives in order. Make copies for your kids.

5) Improve your social connection with family, friends. Find new group hobbies.

6) Start travelling.

My 2 cents is not to get into crafts if that is not your deal - it will add to clutter. Not to get a new pet to reduce your loneliness - because a pet is like getting a newborn. You will curtail your freedom.

- Empty nester.

This is us and I 100% agree with all of it. I wasn't surprised, but spouse was, at how involved we still are in the kids lives. We have plenty of free time for spontaneous get-aways or concerts, but we talk to them at least every week, and sometimes more, depending on what's going on (looking good for internships or summer jobs, mid terms and finals, boy or girl friends, spring break plans, roommates, etc, there's always something).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

Thank you so much! These are some great ideas-- keep 'em coming.

I think one of the issues is efficiency-- I've pared and streamlined so much over the years of single parenthood that caring for the pets (we have three) and the house doesn't occupy a lot of time. Home projects were how I filled my spare time over the past few years, and the house is in great shape. I can't justify more renovating/ redecorating (although I do enjoy that) because I got everything the way I like it. My daughter and I did a lot of it together!

I'm intrigued by the idea of ballroom dancing, and I bet my boyfriend would be into it too. Or if he's not... is it open to solo participants? Not sure how much we'd like the actual thing. Got a recommendation for someplace to try? We're in Petworth.

And I do like gardening. The very small garden I have is finished (after several years of being my primary hobby) and requires only the most minimal maintenance now. I'll check to see if any of the community gardens in my area have spaces available. I looked before and they all had waitlists, but that was around the pandemic so maybe they've opened up a bit.

I'd love to join a hiking group. Any idea where to start? When I've looked before, everything I've found has been geared toward 20-somethings. Who are often fantastic people, but maybe not the vibe that would keep me going back.

Maybe I just need to form a DC empty nesters club. Maybe it exists and someone can point me in the right direction!

Try the Capital Hiking Club.

[Anonymous]

If you enjoy gardening and related activities, you can become certified as a master gardener or a master naturalist. It will give you an instant group of like minded people to connect with, and there are volunteer commitments, so you'll have some time filled by those activities. I am an avid gardener, and am going to start working on my master naturalist certification.

As a corollary to that, I started getting into birding. I'm still very much an amateur, but listening to bird calls, attempting to spot and identify them, makes going for walks and hikes more interesting. You'll know you've gone off the deep end when you build a bird pond (low effort, high payoff) like I just did, and install a camera just to watch birds.

The same sort of calm/zen that I get from birds, I also get from watching fish. I go snorkeling, and plan to get scuba certified when I have the time. It'll make those trips to warm places with reefs even more interesting. Value add to your vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish there were a way for those in the same boat to connect. I’m not a single parent but my youngest is a junior and I am mentally preparing for his departure. DH is in bed by 9 and a homebody so I’d love to have friends to do things with some evenings. What I have done so far is join a book club but that’s just one evening a month. I have a number of hobbies but I’m not just looking to fill time but to build connection with others.

I could have written this post!
Yes, not looking to just pass time. Looking to build connections with others. And not just fleeting connections but deep lasting ones.

It won’t be hard to fill the time but I feel like whatever I do, it just won’t be as much fun without the kids. They are so much fun.

An empty nesters club would be perfect.

Another idea for OP… more trips with or to see extended family or old friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mahjongg is becoming really popular with the 40s-
50s and there are night leagues.

NP, this sounds so much fun. Can you recommend how to find leagues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I bet your dd doesn’t enjoy your time together as much as you think she does. She most likely does it out of guilt. You should start separating from her asap. If you don’t believe me ask this on any teen forum like a reddit sub.

WTF is wrong with you?

This person has a bad relationship with their child or with their parent. Feel sorry for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Rude” PP here,
I am sorry I caused hurt feelings, it just doesn’t seem right that a teen is willing to spend time as OP said like every afternoon after school. Look I know teens like a movie night with a parent (not all but many) or an occasional outing but regular afternoon activities together? Every day? And I know cases where teens are made to feel responsible for their parents’ feelings of loneliness and being abandoned and are shouldering this guilt in subtle ways. Everyone is like awww they love their mom but it’s guilt.
Call me whatever you want but the common complaint in my friend group is that teens are pulling away. They aren’t bad parents and they have good relationships but it’s just natural.

My guess is don’t have a teenager in 2025 and are thinking about your childhood. My daughter seeks me out way more than I ever sought my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Rude” PP here,
I am sorry I caused hurt feelings, it just doesn’t seem right that a teen is willing to spend time as OP said like every afternoon after school. Look I know teens like a movie night with a parent (not all but many) or an occasional outing but regular afternoon activities together? Every day? And I know cases where teens are made to feel responsible for their parents’ feelings of loneliness and being abandoned and are shouldering this guilt in subtle ways. Everyone is like awww they love their mom but it’s guilt.
Call me whatever you want but the common complaint in my friend group is that teens are pulling away. They aren’t bad parents and they have good relationships but it’s just natural.

My guess is don’t have a teenager in 2025 and are thinking about your childhood. My daughter seeks me out way more than I ever sought my parents.

I’m very close to my mom and always sought her out as a teen. She’s an extreme introvert so she probably preferred that I didn’t. I’m more introverted than my DD, and she seeks me out all the time.