Dreading the empty nest - I need something to keep me busy

[Anonymous]

I combine audiobooks with walking. DC is a great place for walking around, or you can go to Great Falls/Sugarloaf/Harpers Ferry.

Would you be interested in tackling a foreign language? You can do it on your own with Duolingo/books, hire a tutor, or find an online tutor who lives in the country where the language is spoken. (You can also tutor English--I recently came across a program that connected Ukrainian kids with English tutors.)

Some people get into cooking or baking, like going through Julia Child's cookbook or some other tangent. You could even videoblog your journey.

Have you ever wanted to write? Being lonely could be good for writing creativity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started Ballroom dancing lessons. It was one of the BEST decisions I made. I've made great friends and I'm getting some exercise. So many places here in the DMV to social dance once you get a few basic steps under your belt. I'm having the time of my life!
Other than that, I also garden. I have a plot at a community garden (have made great friends) and I volunteer on Saturdays at a few gardens in the area.
I remember this stage well. (((HUGS)))

Curious about this. Must your spouse be on board or will they partner you with someone? No way my DH would be interested in ballroom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Travel. Besides the actual travel, planning the trips is something to dig your teeth into. And doesn’t have to be elaborate overseas travel, I’m planning driving the entire Blue Ridge Parkway at some point when my youngest goes to college this fall. Or even day trips, I’m a budding Civil War buff and plan to visit and tour the battlefields in PA, MD, VA.

Join a gym/exercise class. Another one of my plans.

Visiting farmers markets and buying fresh food and trying out new recipes and meals.

This is our plan - traveling. One or two big trips per year, and several little trips (road trip) throughout the year.

I don't know where you are, but some of the streams around here need cleanup volunteers.

I'm also not artsy, but I do like music - playing and singing. I like the idea of picking up ballroom dancing, but DH would never do it. He has two left feet. The only time he's ever really danced with me was at our wedding, when he was tipsy.

Unlike you OP, my house needs work and organizing, so I also will be doing that. We are planning on selling the house soon - could be while DC is at college or after. So, in a few years.

I've got lots do. I'm planning to quit working when DC goes off to college, though now with the stock market slump, I will have to delay that a year, or two. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

I’m in the same boat, OP. I want an empty nesters club to gather with others who feel the same. So many people seem eager for the empty nest.

My limitations on activities are time (weeknights are tricky with my job) and money (college is expensive!).

[Anonymous]

Is there an urban farm near you? There is one in my neighborhood with volunteer shifts, but it’s not close to you. It’s a great mix of empty nesters and post-college-aged young adults, and volunteer opportunities are very social and easy to access.

[Anonymous]

I like the idea of more friends. Think of them as friends you ONLY do the one thing with. When my mom retired she had her lunch friends, her walk friends (sometimes combines!), her move friend, her theater friend, her live music friend (normally the symphony).

Not all these people like doing all these things. So she plug and pulled people in. Sometimes there was a meal attached, but not always.

She isn't afraid to entertain. She'd have her friends over for dinner. She did the work. She kept it low key, but felt nice.

If you are still working full time you don't need THAT much time filled, right? So you can pick and choose a few things each week/month you want to do and do those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

Thank you so much! These are some great ideas-- keep 'em coming.

I think one of the issues is efficiency-- I've pared and streamlined so much over the years of single parenthood that caring for the pets (we have three) and the house doesn't occupy a lot of time. Home projects were how I filled my spare time over the past few years, and the house is in great shape. I can't justify more renovating/ redecorating (although I do enjoy that) because I got everything the way I like it. My daughter and I did a lot of it together!

I'm intrigued by the idea of ballroom dancing, and I bet my boyfriend would be into it too. Or if he's not... is it open to solo participants? Not sure how much we'd like the actual thing. Got a recommendation for someplace to try? We're in Petworth.

And I do like gardening. The very small garden I have is finished (after several years of being my primary hobby) and requires only the most minimal maintenance now. I'll check to see if any of the community gardens in my area have spaces available. I looked before and they all had waitlists, but that was around the pandemic so maybe they've opened up a bit.

I'd love to join a hiking group. Any idea where to start? When I've looked before, everything I've found has been geared toward 20-somethings. Who are often fantastic people, but maybe not the vibe that would keep me going back.

Maybe I just need to form a DC empty nesters club. Maybe it exists and someone can point me in the right direction!

I also think you are smart to get ahead of this! Not ballroom dancing but as an adult I've taken hip hop, Middle Eastern belly dancing and go go dancing classes. I love to dance and am not a good dancer. But it's so fun. I also got into tennis (specifically cardio tenns) even though I'm also bad at that. But it's social and something to look forward to every week.

[Anonymous]

Oh, what if you fostered dogs that are going to become trained as seeing eye dogs? They just need to get socialized and basic training until they are like 18 months and then start their specialized training and go live at the seeing eye places.

[Anonymous]

Fostering pregnant cats is also fun and an option. You get to witness the miracle of birth and the babies are adorable and some work! As they get adopted, you find someone to take the mama cat as a forever pet. My SIL does this during kitten season and she makes it sound like a lot of rewarding fun, if you are a cat person. This is my plan for when my children leave.

[Anonymous]

Two quick notes as someone whose daughter left for college across the country this year. It’s great to think of ways to entertain yourself in this next phase, but also you can’t busy away the grief of the empty nest transition. You’ll cry a lot no matter what. It’s a huge change and you need room to feel all the feelings which leads to getting used to your next era. Additionally, since you’re close, you’ll probably hear from her much more than you expect and the visits home are actually pretty frequent, even from across the country. My kid has been home four times and I’ve been there three times (drop off, parents weekend, quick spring weekend). In some ways senior year and the anticipation of her leaving was harder than the actual time apart after the initial gut punch.

[Anonymous]

Mahjongg is becoming really popular with the 40s-50s and there are night leagues.

[Anonymous]

I've joined Orangetheory and go every evening after work and I'm in the best shape I've been in since I had those kids that are now in college. But it has also given me an evening activity. I find that I have plenty to do on the weekends, but the Tuesday evenings that used to be full of helping with homework, making family dinners, attending high school sports events are wide open.

[Anonymous]

I dread this..my oldest leaves in a year and a half and my youngest is a HS freshman. But I can imagine my husband I taking up a new shared hobby, going on more nights out with friends, and visiting our daughters a bunch at football games. I look forward to having more time for self care.. working out, running, reading, volunteering at our local school, traveling, and even kicking it up a notch at work and getting a promotion.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any friends who would be up for more activity-based interactions? I have a friend I regularly play tennis with (we're both pretty bad) and a couple more I go paddle boarding with.

The climbing gym has belay-partner meet up nights, including ones targeted to women. There are masters swim groups that are really inviting.

A coworker of mine does a ton of baking. She brings something in for us almost weekly.

I like to plan dinner parties and other events. Nobody hosts any more so it is much appreciated by my friend group - and has been good for increasing or social circle.

Lots of volunteer opportunities with faith communities. I checked out a unitarian church recently and if I had more time could see myself getting involved in a community like that.

If you prefer more solo time: get into botany, mushrooming, or bird watching. Learn an instrument. Learn a language. Create Shutterfly photo albums from your daughters childhood or to send to old friends for special occassions.

My dad was a big woodworker in his spare time. I have friends who have gone to women-specific woodworking retreats. I'm kind of intrigued!

[Anonymous]

Single mom of one freshman son. I joined a gym. I just turned 50 so I thought it was time to take care of myself. I also have a two yr old dog so we go on lots of walks and trips to the dog park. I don't have much extra money at all so that's about it. I am getting more sleep since I'm not waiting up at night for him to come home. He's home plenty though. Lots of vacations and a long summer (first week of May until Labor Day). My real fun will be when he graduates and I'm not broke anymore. I'm making a bucket list.