**Divorce Advice - Spouse Having an Affair - Blindsided - MegaThread**
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Anonymous
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There have been several recent threads on similar topics, so I thought I would consolidate some of the practical/helpful/productive advice and shared experiences for anyone going through this.
*** "Husband suddenly not interested in being a parent or spouse" (Feb 2025): OP is dealing with a husband who changed personality overnight after a decade-plus of marriage and 3 kids. Posters discuss possible depression, mid-life crisis, and affair. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1256096.page "How did you get over infidelity..." (Feb 2025): OP has just discovered her husband's infidelity - and poses the question did you get it over it and if so how? Did you choose to forgive, or not forgive? Posters share their stories, ranging from those who asked for divorce immediately; those that tried to reconcile but ultimately parted; and those who stayed and how they feel about it years later. Also discussion of statistics re infidelity. Includes an appearance and update by "Vacation Wife" https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1260130.page Note re Vacation Wife: I share these for context, not to resuscitate old threads: >Vacation Wife's thread (originally from Jan 2023) starts here, and we live in real-time with her the discovery of her husband's affair while they are halfway around the world on vacation. Thread is 70 pages long. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1103665.page >Vacation Wife's 4-month update (May 2023): https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1130437.page "AP to 'Stepmom'" (March 2025): OP seeks advice on a fairly typical situation (husband having affair with a much younger woman, and looking ahead to the practical realities of separation/divorce and custody, and how this AP may impact family dynamics). There is some "real talk" advice from those that have been there done that and how to focus on the kids' well being. Some readers chime in with helpful advice on what to think about papering in the divorce settlement particularly given the possibility of the STBX having kids with a second wife (which leads to the below spin-off thread). https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1260747.page "Divorce settlement specifics to include - s/o AP to stepmom" (March 2025): Following some of the good advice on the above thread, this OP who is going through the divorce process forms a thread for people to share specific clauses or issues that could be helpful to include in a divorce agreement, or what they wish they had done. Actionable suggestions sprinkled with random snark. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1262347.page "How did you bust your cheating spouse?" (March 2025): This one has a few laughs and what-an-idiot moments, if you're looking for some levity. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1263359.page "Caught DH Cheating" (March 2025): OP has kids in elementary school and has discovered her husband is unhappy in the marriage and cheating with a younger woman. She is seeking practical advice about strategy headed into divorce. This thread contains a fair amount of cool-headed advice (particularly compared to some others below which can devolve into off-topic back and forth) and specifics to consider when drafting a custody plan. This thread also includes some lovely empathizing and real world experience from "Novel Lady." https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1264485.page "Divorce Advice" (March 2025): OP is mid-40s with 2 kids and a husband who is facing mental health challenges and has expressed desire to divorce. Similar to other discussions but with the specific variable of the mental health issue. Discussions of lawyers, therapists, and what else might be going on. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1265016.page "Husband wants a divorce" (March 2025): OP is in the early meltdown stages after her husband asked for divorce. Has children and suspicions of an affair. Advice includes a lot of back and forth and out of the box thinking on staying married vs. lawyering up vs. filing first, all of which should be taken with a grain of salt, but there are a couple practical posts in here. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1265550.page *** I would propose that this megathread is not used to discuss the substance of the linked threads above, but rather serve as a resource for folks to come back to in the future. To that end, feel free to add other helpful threads and a high level description of them, and note the date the thread started (so we can hopefully avoid zombie threads). And if anyone wants to include a really specific memorable and unique word to make their post/this thread more easily searchable in the future, the suggestion box is open. |
Anonymous
| Is there an uptick in divorces now? |
Anonymous
| Thank you for doing this OP! Seems to be a crap load of us in the boat, so this is very helpful! |