Divorce settlement specifics to include - s/o AP to stepmom

[Anonymous]

This is a spinoff of the post about the AP to stepmom transition. There are some very specific and very helpful comments in there e.g. having ex holding a life insurance policy to benefit the kids AND have annual proof it's being renewed.

I was hoping to start a thread for additional tips on specific clauses you included or issues that you addressed that are important to consider, and also any warnings you may have on things that you wish you'd done differently.

I'm very worried about getting this 'right' and don't want to just rely on my lawyer to manage this because he's definitely not the shmuck stuck dealing afterward if anything gets missed.

Please hit me with your best advice!

[Anonymous]

From what I have seen in a daughter's divorce process, it is very important to talk to both female and male lawyers and to ask for references for a lawyer who will listen to you and be willing to go after what is fair. And not just sit on one's heels and let things play out.


If current DH has happened to fully fund the childrens' 529 College Fund plans, then write up in the divorce settlement that these funds may not be touched for any other reason. As the parent whose name is on the account has the right to take money out for other reasons if willing to pay the penalty.

Along this line, also get an agreement on how college will be funded. If in private schools now, perhaps also future private school education.

Seek what is fair for your children in alimony
while STBX goes off into the sunset with his prize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From what I have seen in a daughter's divorce process, it is very important to talk to both female and male lawyers and to ask for references for a lawyer who will listen to you and be willing to go after what is fair. And not just sit on one's heels and let things play out.


If current DH has happened to fully fund the childrens' 529 College Fund plans, then write up in the divorce settlement that these funds may not be touched for any other reason. As the parent whose name is on the account has the right to take money out for other reasons if willing to pay the penalty.

Along this line, also get an agreement on how college will be funded. If in private schools now, perhaps also future private school education.

Seek what is fair for your children in alimony
while STBX goes off into the sunset with his prize.

I’m finding this to be one of the hardest things. I don’t have a lot of divorced friends and none with kids. I’m trying to flush out how to tell if they will be a good advocate for me in an hour consult … hard to even know what characteristics in lawyers will get results?

[Anonymous]

I picked a lawyer who is kind of a hard ass because I know I’m the type of person who will just try and roll over and compromise to make the drama end. I’m hoping he will keep me from giving everything away just to keep the peace, but I’m worried that he will not be as focused on the details as i need.

I happen across this list of items to consider regarding custody, but what I really need is multiples of this kind of list for every topic possible so at least have some guidelines for thinking my way through the process…

https://www.custodyxchange.com/locations/usa/virginia/parenting-plan.php

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From what I have seen in a daughter's divorce process, it is very important to talk to both female and male lawyers and to ask for references for a lawyer who will listen to you and be willing to go after what is fair. And not just sit on one's heels and let things play out.


If current DH has happened to fully fund the childrens' 529 College Fund plans, then write up in the divorce settlement that these funds may not be touched for any other reason. As the parent whose name is on the account has the right to take money out for other reasons if willing to pay the penalty.

Along this line, also get an agreement on how college will be funded. If in private schools now, perhaps also future private school education.

Seek what is fair for your children in alimony
while STBX goes off into the sunset with his prize.

What a leach you AND your daughter are. Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From what I have seen in a daughter's divorce process, it is very important to talk to both female and male lawyers and to ask for references for a lawyer who will listen to you and be willing to go after what is fair. And not just sit on one's heels and let things play out.


If current DH has happened to fully fund the childrens' 529 College Fund plans, then write up in the divorce settlement that these funds may not be touched for any other reason. As the parent whose name is on the account has the right to take money out for other reasons if willing to pay the penalty.

Along this line, also get an agreement on how college will be funded. If in private schools now, perhaps also future private school education.

Seek what is fair for your children in alimony
while STBX goes off into the sunset with his prize.

What a leach you AND your daughter are. Wow!

AP found this thread. 😂

[Anonymous]

I had to reread the thread because I thought I missed something. How could wanting to have college paid for make you a “leach”

Crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to reread the thread because I thought I missed something. How could wanting to have college paid for make you a “leach”

Crazy.

She’s salty that there’s less left for her spawn.

[Anonymous]

You have to ask people not only what they wrote in their settlement agreement but what and how they were able to enforce. Those are completely different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I picked a lawyer who is kind of a hard ass because I know I’m the type of person who will just try and roll over and compromise to make the drama end. I’m hoping he will keep me from giving everything away just to keep the peace, but I’m worried that he will not be as focused on the details as i need.

I happen across this list of items to consider regarding custody, but what I really need is multiples of this kind of list for every topic possible so at least have some guidelines for thinking my way through the process…

https://www.custodyxchange.com/locations/usa/virginia/parenting-plan.php

Yep, he will keep you from giving everything away because he wants it in his pockets. This is how it usually ends up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spinoff of the post about the AP to stepmom transition. There are some very specific and very helpful comments in there e.g. having ex holding a life insurance policy to benefit the kids AND have annual proof it's being renewed.

I was hoping to start a thread for additional tips on specific clauses you included or issues that you addressed that are important to consider, and also any warnings you may have on things that you wish you'd done differently.

I'm very worried about getting this 'right' and don't want to just rely on my lawyer to manage this because he's definitely not the shmuck stuck dealing afterward if anything gets missed.

Please hit me with your best advice!

I'm so confused about this. So what's happening if he stops paying the premiums?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to reread the thread because I thought I missed something. How could wanting to have college paid for make you a “leach”

Crazy.

Read it again. She says he must fund it, and can’t touch it, but She can take non school expenses out of it.

Neither should be able to touch it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From what I have seen in a daughter's divorce process, it is very important to talk to both female and male lawyers and to ask for references for a lawyer who will listen to you and be willing to go after what is fair. And not just sit on one's heels and let things play out.


If current DH has happened to fully fund the childrens' 529 College Fund plans, then write up in the divorce settlement that these funds may not be touched for any other reason. As the parent whose name is on the account has the right to take money out for other reasons if willing to pay the penalty.

Along this line, also get an agreement on how college will be funded. If in private schools now, perhaps also future private school education.

Seek what is fair for your children in alimony
while STBX goes off into the sunset with his prize.

What a leach you AND your daughter are. Wow!

[Anonymous]

The issue is that if 529s are in husband’s name and another is in wife’s name and there are large amounts in both, then you get an agreement that neither parent will touch the funds in their name except to fund education if named child of course.
If well funded these accounts are likely second only to share of the house of a parent looking at the future with an unstable X.

Also never had experience in this arena, but fortunately one was able to change lawyers
at an unexpected juncture. One sees a good lawyer is both proactive in her and the children’s interest; but also honest to tell her what little a court really cares to hear
about to protect her, too.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I’m hoping to come to an agreement without going to court, but I want to have everything well that out. In particular, I have medically complex kids and I need to make sure that they are always properly insured. I’m sure there are other things. I need to have a plan for with them, but making sure I get everything right is really getting me wound up. In theory, their father won’t be a jerk about their care, but I am wondering how things will change if and when there’s a new family involved.