Single mom judgment/rant

[Anonymous]

You can be a “single mother” and have a husband. I have one like that at home. We joke about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can be a “single mother” and have a husband. I have one like that at home. We joke about it.

No you cannot. Single is marital starts bit when someone is getting child support and share custody they are not solo parents. Nor ones that live with new partners or refuse contact with the other parent.

You having a bad husband is a you problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, also with the vast majority of custody (dad has every other weekend, his choice). People just love to crap on single moms. It makes them feel better about themselves. Just ignore.

You have an involved ex and you are not a single mom.

Agree. I know a woman with kids who had a long-term AP (we all knew about it) and eventually filed for divorce from her DH. As soon as he moved out she moved AP into the family home with the kids.

She immediately proceeded to act like they were all one big happy family and the AP was the new dad-like figure.

Imagine our collective surprise when mom was quoted in a newspaper whining about property taxes and moaning about how she just didn't know what she was going to do as a "poor single mom," when she was living in a fully-paid for MoCo home, had significant trust funds she was living off of AND was getting child support AND the kid's father was actively involved in their lives AND her AP was supporting the household financially.

Single mom virtue signalling can be real.

This was my husbands ex. One of the kids did a go fund me for huge student loans forgetting to mention dad and AP replacement dad and how mom was the victim and they were too. Her only income was child support and alimony and now life long pension starting at 40 plus ap income. She made off well but did not put the child support to the kids.

You sound jelly.

Always remember go for the money and the kids.

Kids grow up and leave, don’t be the one stuck with the aging manchild. Don’t be the old wife’s replacement now responsible for picking up the stinky socks and underwear and shuttling the old dude to his doc appts.

That’s not winning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The difference between camp and what you are talking about is the kid probably wants to go to sleep away camp. You are just pawning your kid off on others so that you can have fun Huge difference.

Okay, forget the camp reference. What about parents just going on a trip on their own without their kids? You’re opposed to parents going away to have fun as a couple? Please share.

We don’t do that. I wouldn’t judge a weekend, but I would judge a couple beyond day 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, also with the vast majority of custody (dad has every other weekend, his choice). People just love to crap on single moms. It makes them feel better about themselves. Just ignore.

You have an involved ex and you are not a single mom.

Agree. I know a woman with kids who had a long-term AP (we all knew about it) and eventually filed for divorce from her DH. As soon as he moved out she moved AP into the family home with the kids.

She immediately proceeded to act like they were all one big happy family and the AP was the new dad-like figure.

Imagine our collective surprise when mom was quoted in a newspaper whining about property taxes and moaning about how she just didn't know what she was going to do as a "poor single mom," when she was living in a fully-paid for MoCo home, had significant trust funds she was living off of AND was getting child support AND the kid's father was actively involved in their lives AND her AP was supporting the household financially.

Single mom virtue signalling can be real.

This was my husbands ex. One of the kids did a go fund me for huge student loans forgetting to mention dad and AP replacement dad and how mom was the victim and they were too. Her only income was child support and alimony and now life long pension starting at 40 plus ap income. She made off well but did not put the child support to the kids.

You sound jelly.

Always remember go for the money and the kids.

Kids grow up and leave, don’t be the one stuck with the aging manchild. Don’t be the old wife’s replacement now responsible for picking up the stinky socks and underwear and shuttling the old dude to his doc appts.

That’s not winning.

No one wins in divorce but hopefully she’s happier. I’m happy to pick up stinky socks and he’s the one taking me to the doctors appointments as I have a chronic illness. I’ll probably die first. Marriage is a partnership and you help each other. You sound bitter and jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People get sore about this label because when couples separate, there are cases where one parent pretends the other parent does not exist. At least for a while. It can be a hurtful term for the other family member in these circumstances.

It’s more common than you think. That is why it’s controversial on this thread.

But OP is clearly not doing that, because she talked about her ex and how he will be having parenting time while she is away.

She is using "single" to describe her marital status, not to imply that he doesn't exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The difference between camp and what you are talking about is the kid probably wants to go to sleep away camp. You are just pawning your kid off on others so that you can have fun Huge difference.

Okay, forget the camp reference. What about parents just going on a trip on their own without their kids? You’re opposed to parents going away to have fun as a couple? Please share.

Yes. DH and I, did not go away for a vacation together without our kids. Period. And we had plenty of fun in our own house, we hosted a lot of parties, we have a huge social circle.

Children remained our priority and thankfully in our circle kids are a part of any celebration - birthdays, weddings, holidays etc.

When kids become older and go to camps etc away from home - feel free to go on couple-only trip.

How lucky you had a husband to share the workload with. You sound insanely privileged and clueless about single women raising kids on their own.

Luck and privilege has nothing to do with it. It is about having standards, having self-respect, having education and career, being worthy, not marrying losers and having control of your fertility. ( Not including women who have become widowed or their partner has become disabled or they have undergone catastrophic circumstances like war, pandemic, natural disasters, genocide etc).

Stop having sex with losers or use BC when you have sex. Do not marry men who are waving the red flags in front of you. Because when you become the woman who ignores all the red flags in men, then you yourself become a big huge red flag, that all the good men avoid.

The fall off this high horse is going to bust your head open and hurt immensely. Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, received a very passive aggressive comment from a coworker about me going on a vacation with another friend for 1.5 weeks. My child was well taken care of, with help and support of grandparents, nanny, and my ex. And yes, while I'm divorced I do think I fit the description of single mom, as my ex sees our kid every other weekend and I mostly financially support my child.

Why is it that men or single dad's don't get the same treatment? Or when parents send their kids away to camp, another country with relatives for the summer? It's not fair.

As has been noted umpteen times. YOU ARE NOT A SINGLE MOM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, received a very passive aggressive comment from a coworker about me going on a vacation with another friend for 1.5 weeks. My child was well taken care of, with help and support of grandparents, nanny, and my ex. And yes, while I'm divorced I do think I fit the description of single mom, as my ex sees our kid every other weekend and I mostly financially support my child.

Why is it that men or single dad's don't get the same treatment? Or when parents send their kids away to camp, another country with relatives for the summer? It's not fair.

As has been noted umpteen times. YOU ARE NOT A SINGLE MOM!

If you don’t have a partner and you have a child you are a single mom. Calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, received a very passive aggressive comment from a coworker about me going on a vacation with another friend for 1.5 weeks. My child was well taken care of, with help and support of grandparents, nanny, and my ex. And yes, while I'm divorced I do think I fit the description of single mom, as my ex sees our kid every other weekend and I mostly financially support my child.

Why is it that men or single dad's don't get the same treatment? Or when parents send their kids away to camp, another country with relatives for the summer? It's not fair.

As has been noted umpteen times. YOU ARE NOT A SINGLE MOM!

If you don’t have a partner and you have a child you are a single mom. Calm down.

Single is marital status but people like to pretend they have no help for sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, received a very passive aggressive comment from a coworker about me going on a vacation with another friend for 1.5 weeks. My child was well taken care of, with help and support of grandparents, nanny, and my ex. And yes, while I'm divorced I do think I fit the description of single mom, as my ex sees our kid every other weekend and I mostly financially support my child.

Why is it that men or single dad's don't get the same treatment? Or when parents send their kids away to camp, another country with relatives for the summer? It's not fair.

As has been noted umpteen times. YOU ARE NOT A SINGLE MOM!

If you don’t have a partner and you have a child you are a single mom. Calm down.

Single is marital status but people like to pretend they have no help for sympathy.

OP discusses her nanny, her ex caring for the child, and her mother caring for the child. I don't think can accuse her of pretending she has no help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, received a very passive aggressive comment from a coworker about me going on a vacation with another friend for 1.5 weeks. My child was well taken care of, with help and support of grandparents, nanny, and my ex. And yes, while I'm divorced I do think I fit the description of single mom, as my ex sees our kid every other weekend and I mostly financially support my child.

Why is it that men or single dad's don't get the same treatment? Or when parents send their kids away to camp, another country with relatives for the summer? It's not fair.

As has been noted umpteen times. YOU ARE NOT A SINGLE MOM!

If you don’t have a partner and you have a child you are a single mom. Calm down.

Single is marital status but people like to pretend they have no help for sympathy.

This. OP was married so her correct legal status is divorced - not single.

[Anonymous]

I read only a couple pages of responses and this thread is bonkers - full of pettiness and unkindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read only a couple pages of responses and this thread is bonkers - full of pettiness and unkindness.

If you mean it is petty to be a DIVORCED woman who is claiming to be SINGLE and alone in raising her child(ren)?

The truth is the father is involved and is NOT absent, he financially supports child, OP can afford a nanny - then yes, OP is also unkind to be invalidating all the things others are doing in raising this child(ren)

Any time someone claims to be a SINGLE parent and isn't, it is a sure sign of parental alienation. Imagine the child growing up hearing their mother regularly lamenting being a "single parent" when their father is present in their lives (both physically and financially) and I can assure you it will have a negative psychological impact on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read only a couple pages of responses and this thread is bonkers - full of pettiness and unkindness.

If you mean it is petty to be a DIVORCED woman who is claiming to be SINGLE and alone in raising her child(ren)?

The truth is the father is involved and is NOT absent, he financially supports child, OP can afford a nanny - then yes, OP is also unkind to be invalidating all the things others are doing in raising this child(ren)

Any time someone claims to be a SINGLE parent and isn't, it is a sure sign of parental alienation. Imagine the child growing up hearing their mother regularly lamenting being a "single parent" when their father is present in their lives (both physically and financially) and I can assure you it will have a negative psychological impact on them.

Ok so I am not op. I never was married to my child’s father but we were together for about a decade. We separated when our child was in elementary school and I have full custody with dad having every other weekend. His choice. I absolutely consider myself a single mother but I would NEVER “lament” being a single mom in front of my kid. You do realize people may describe themselves as a single mom but still keep healthy boundaries with their children, right?