Single mom judgment/rant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, received a very passive aggressive comment from a coworker about me going on a vacation with another friend for 1.5 weeks. My child was well taken care of, with help and support of grandparents, nanny, and my ex. And yes, while I'm divorced I do think I fit the description of single mom, as my ex sees our kid every other weekend and I mostly financially support my child.

Why is it that men or single dad's don't get the same treatment? Or when parents send their kids away to camp, another country with relatives for the summer? It's not fair.

You have an ex who is involved and you are not a single parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not a single mom.

She is a single mom. You’re thinking of a babymama.

A single mom is the only person involved in the care of child/child. OP has an involved ex, grandparents and a nanny. No way is she a single mom and it is insulting to women who truly are exclusively responsible for their child. If OP dies tomorrow the children are not orphaned.

OP you have it easy so stop whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, also with the vast majority of custody (dad has every other weekend, his choice). People just love to crap on single moms. It makes them feel better about themselves. Just ignore.

You have an involved ex and you are not a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The difference between camp and what you are talking about is the kid probably wants to go to sleep away camp. You are just pawning your kid off on others so that you can have fun Huge difference.

Okay, forget the camp reference. What about parents just going on a trip on their own without their kids? You’re opposed to parents going away to have fun as a couple? Please share.

Yes. DH and I, did not go away for a vacation together without our kids. Period. And we had plenty of fun in our own house, we hosted a lot of parties, we have a huge social circle.

Children remained our priority and thankfully in our circle kids are a part of any celebration - birthdays, weddings, holidays etc.

When kids become older and go to camps etc away from home - feel free to go on couple-only trip.

This is the dumbest framing of this situation on this whole thread, and that's saying something. I would venture to say that for the vast majority of parents, their kids are their priority. That doesn't mean they have to be included in everything. I have often told my daughter that while she is the most important thing to us, that doesn't mean that her desires are *always* the most urgent things. We have to work, go grocery shopping, attend to the hundreds of aspects of daily life, and yes, enjoy ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, received a very passive aggressive comment from a coworker about me going on a vacation with another friend for 1.5 weeks. My child was well taken care of, with help and support of grandparents, nanny, and my ex. And yes, while I'm divorced I do think I fit the description of single mom, as my ex sees our kid every other weekend and I mostly financially support my child.

Why is it that men or single dad's don't get the same treatment? Or when parents send their kids away to camp, another country with relatives for the summer? It's not fair.

I find it weird you'd do that especially now. I'd only do it if Dad was caring for the child. Why can't dad do it?

WTH does “especially now” mean in this context?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The difference between camp and what you are talking about is the kid probably wants to go to sleep away camp. You are just pawning your kid off on others so that you can have fun Huge difference.

Okay, forget the camp reference. What about parents just going on a trip on their own without their kids? You’re opposed to parents going away to have fun as a couple? Please share.

Yes. DH and I, did not go away for a vacation together without our kids. Period. And we had plenty of fun in our own house, we hosted a lot of parties, we have a huge social circle.

Children remained our priority and thankfully in our circle kids are a part of any celebration - birthdays, weddings, holidays etc.

When kids become older and go to camps etc away from home - feel free to go on couple-only trip.

How lucky you had a husband to share the workload with. You sound insanely privileged and clueless about single women raising kids on their own.

Luck and privilege has nothing to do with it. It is about having standards, having self-respect, having education and career, being worthy, not marrying losers and having control of your fertility. ( Not including women who have become widowed or their partner has become disabled or they have undergone catastrophic circumstances like war, pandemic, natural disasters, genocide etc).

Stop having sex with losers or use BC when you have sex. Do not marry men who are waving the red flags in front of you. Because when you become the woman who ignores all the red flags in men, then you yourself become a big huge red flag, that all the good men avoid.

With this many exceptions affecting such a broad swath of humanity, doesn’t it make more sense just to assume one or more of these is likely true of any person you are talking to? Why the bombast?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not a single mom.

She is a single mom. You’re thinking of a babymama.

A single mom is the only person involved in the care of child/child. OP has an involved ex, grandparents and a nanny. No way is she a single mom and it is insulting to women who truly are exclusively responsible for their child. If OP dies tomorrow the children are not orphaned.

OP you have it easy so stop whining.

We have now contracted the definition of single mom to exclude people who have childcare such as nannies? What’s next? People are going to announce that sending children to public school makes you not a single mom?

Single moms are moms who are single. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, also with the vast majority of custody (dad has every other weekend, his choice). People just love to crap on single moms. It makes them feel better about themselves. Just ignore.

You have an involved ex and you are not a single mom.

Agree. I know a woman with kids who had a long-term AP (we all knew about it) and eventually filed for divorce from her DH. As soon as he moved out she moved AP into the family home with the kids.

She immediately proceeded to act like they were all one big happy family and the AP was the new dad-like figure.

Imagine our collective surprise when mom was quoted in a newspaper whining about property taxes and moaning about how she just didn't know what she was going to do as a "poor single mom," when she was living in a fully-paid for MoCo home, had significant trust funds she was living off of AND was getting child support AND the kid's father was actively involved in their lives AND her AP was supporting the household financially.

Single mom virtue signalling can be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, received a very passive aggressive comment from a coworker about me going on a vacation with another friend for 1.5 weeks. My child was well taken care of, with help and support of grandparents, nanny, and my ex. And yes, while I'm divorced I do think I fit the description of single mom, as my ex sees our kid every other weekend and I mostly financially support my child.

Why is it that men or single dad's don't get the same treatment? Or when parents send their kids away to camp, another country with relatives for the summer? It's not fair.

Single mom? Did the other parent die?

[Anonymous]

Single dad is for the Tinder profile. Daters know the guy has kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, received a very passive aggressive comment from a coworker about me going on a vacation with another friend for 1.5 weeks. My child was well taken care of, with help and support of grandparents, nanny, and my ex. And yes, while I'm divorced I do think I fit the description of single mom, as my ex sees our kid every other weekend and I mostly financially support my child.

Why is it that men or single dad's don't get the same treatment? Or when parents send their kids away to camp, another country with relatives for the summer? It's not fair.

Single mom? Did the other parent die?

My mom was a single mom. She really had it difficult. My father abandoned us as an incredibly abusive guy and my mother was not prepared to go on her own. She had health problems. My brother and I went off on our own at age 18 with no assistance from anyone to considerable athletic, academic and professional success. Mom was homeless for a while and thankfully moved in with my grandmother. We took great care of her later in life, but I would have done anything to give my mom a chance at any kind of vacation when she was raising us. Her poverty and desperation tore at me in my young life. She never really recovered.

So I can understand the original poster's reaction - it is a great thing to be able to take a vacation. And she should enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Can we give single moms a break please whether they be 100% or 90% moms, instead of arguing?
Meanwhile the deadbeat dads or partial deadbeat dads always get a pass for in society. Being an every other weekend, behind in child support dad isn’t much better than being nonexistent. The mom does all the real parenting work, so give her a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here, received a very passive aggressive comment from a coworker about me going on a vacation with another friend for 1.5 weeks. My child was well taken care of, with help and support of grandparents, nanny, and my ex. And yes, while I'm divorced I do think I fit the description of single mom, as my ex sees our kid every other weekend and I mostly financially support my child.

Why is it that men or single dad's don't get the same treatment? Or when parents send their kids away to camp, another country with relatives for the summer? It's not fair.

Single mom? Did the other parent die?

My mom was a single mom. She really had it difficult. My father abandoned us as an incredibly abusive guy and my mother was not prepared to go on her own. She had health problems. My brother and I went off on our own at age 18 with no assistance from anyone to considerable athletic, academic and professional success. Mom was homeless for a while and thankfully moved in with my grandmother. We took great care of her later in life, but I would have done anything to give my mom a chance at any kind of vacation when she was raising us. Her poverty and desperation tore at me in my young life. She never really recovered.

So I can understand the original poster's reaction - it is a great thing to be able to take a vacation. And she should enjoy it.

Your situation was worlds away from OP's. Your mom could rightfully own the title "single mom." She instilled great things in you and your brother, as evidenced by your success and your sense of gratitude and empathy.

I would NOT put your mom in the same category as OP who said, "My child was well taken care of, with help and support of grandparents, nanny, and my ex."

Anyone who can afford a nanny AND has the support of the father and grandparents is not a single mom, IMO. She is a DIVORCED mother. She is not alone/single in raising her children.

Her situation pales in comparison to the situation your mother was in.

[Anonymous]

^ To add, OP should have a sense of gratitude for the help she has, and not be whining about a random remark for a coworker.

Many, many true single mothers out there would look at her situation and scoff with ridicule.

[Anonymous]

Men say “Single Dad” on OLD. It explains that they are not available every weekend and they will be a part time partner. It is not attractive to say “Divorced Dad.”

The term has lost its heroic appeal however, now that it is common. It is common to raise children under a variety of structures. Women are generally self sufficient and men can be too. This is why the term “Single Mom” feels dated or even self-serving now.

We call BS!