Single mom judgment/rant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not a single mom. Your child has a father who is present in their life. You’re leaving your child with their father, which is as it should be.

Enjoy your trip and don’t worry about what a coworker thinks.

+1 I'm tired of people saying they are "single parents" when in fact, they are not.

This woman is a mom who happens to be divorced BUT the child's father is still involved on a regular basis. That means she is NOT a single parent but a divorced one.

IMO using the words "single parent" means there is ZERO support or involvement of any kind by the other parent. I know a woman who was actually on a local news feature story where she lamented how she was a "single parent" and was having trouble paying her taxes (in her fully-paid for million dollar home in MoCo). It was a blatant lie since her ex had given her his share of the house, had weekly custody of the kids, AND paid her generous child support.

But there she was, all boo hoo about how she was a "single parent." She also neglected to mention that her affair partner was living with her and the kids and was contributing to the household, too.

Yeah, so much support every other weekend. She is rolling in support.

I think everyone who has not had to shoulder the majority of kid raising on their own should sit down and STFU.

Uh, did you read? Not every case is the same. This woman is NOT a single parent and is NOT shoulderning the majority of kid raising. Curb your defensiveness.

You aren’t the arbiter of the term “single mom,” and she’s definitely shouldering the majority of the burden. An every-other-weekend dad has physical custody 52 days out of the year.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? That you are gone for 10 days (And the child is spending time with his FATHER, OMG!) and who cares what your coworker thinks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people judge inwardly and others outwardly. Just let it go unless you have a reason to care about their opinion.

I'm someone who WOULD judge this decision and I agree. I'd keep it myself, of course, but I'd judge. The question is why would you care unless you doubted the decision? I've had my parenting judged plenty of times, but it doesn't matter because I'm confident that I'm a better parent than those people.

Why on earth would you judge a mother who leaves her kid with her SPOUSE?

[Anonymous]

This is weird. My in laws were absolutely delighted when my elementary age kid spent a week with them (my nephew who is the same age lives in town and gets way more time with the in laws).

I also spent time with my grandma as a kid so my parents could go on a trip for their 20th anniversary (they married really young so I was only 6). That's pretty normal.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a great example of how single moms will get judged no matter what.

OP is judged both for having her kid stay with the kid's father, and for not having the kid spend enough time with their father.

I don't think it should be either, but it certainly shouldn't be both!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not a single mom.

WTF. Do you have any idea what it's like to have an absentee co-parent like the one she describes? She's a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People should be less judgmental in general but fwiw, I’m a single mom to a child with a disability and I wouldn’t leave her for a week and a half to go on vacation. You’re your child’s whole world, OP. That’s a really long time. I’ve never left her overnight for vacation. The only times I’ve left her overnight have been out of necessity (medical reasons both times).

Did you miss the part where OP wasnt asking if she should go on this trip?

She wasn’t asking if she should go on the trip, but she was expressing shock and dismay that people were judging her for doing it. And she thinks the judgement is because she’s a single mom. I’m saying I’m also a single mom, and I don’t judge her, but I wouldn’t take the trip. She seems to be assuming that it’s obviously ok to take the trip because she needs a break, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a judgmental a-hole. I don’t think it’s that clear-cut.

Yes, she is expressing dismay that people like her coworker and you offer their shitty, unsoliceted opinion. She didn't ask her coworker or you what you thought about her plans. Yet her coworker decided she needed to make her opinion known in the rudest possible way. Also, if you are even a single mom, you should honestly know better than to judge other moms when they need a break. Do better.

I think you’re probably OP ghost writing, so I will respond as though that’s the case — people judge. We all judge. Some judgments are silly or shallow, like when a mom judges a child for not wearing designer clothes. And then we can judge that mom for being shallow! Judgments are part of life becuase they show us what our morals and beliefs are. If you’re uncomfortable being judged for this choice, maybe spend some time thinking about why it makes you feel so angry and defensive. If you truly thought it was a ridiculous judgement, would it just roll off your back? Usually the things that upset us most upset us becuase we think there’s a kernel of truth there. Your child will be fine after this week and a half vacation, but if there are other ways you fear that you’re putting your needs first, and THAT’s why this random comment from a coworker hurt so much, now would be a great time to drop the defenses and think about that some.

[Anonymous]

Your co-worker knows too much about your personal life.. Share less.

Whoever passes those comments are simply jealous they can't do the same as you.

Enjoy that trip!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People should be less judgmental in general but fwiw, I’m a single mom to a child with a disability and I wouldn’t leave her for a week and a half to go on vacation. You’re your child’s whole world, OP. That’s a really long time. I’ve never left her overnight for vacation. The only times I’ve left her overnight have been out of necessity (medical reasons both times).

Did you miss the part where OP wasnt asking if she should go on this trip?

She wasn’t asking if she should go on the trip, but she was expressing shock and dismay that people were judging her for doing it. And she thinks the judgement is because she’s a single mom. I’m saying I’m also a single mom, and I don’t judge her, but I wouldn’t take the trip. She seems to be assuming that it’s obviously ok to take the trip because she needs a break, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a judgmental a-hole. I don’t think it’s that clear-cut.

Yes, she is expressing dismay that people like her coworker and you offer their shitty, unsoliceted opinion. She didn't ask her coworker or you what you thought about her plans. Yet her coworker decided she needed to make her opinion known in the rudest possible way. Also, if you are even a single mom, you should honestly know better than to judge other moms when they need a break. Do better.

I think you’re probably OP ghost writing, so I will respond as though that’s the case — people judge. We all judge. Some judgments are silly or shallow, like when a mom judges a child for not wearing designer clothes. And then we can judge that mom for being shallow! Judgments are part of life becuase they show us what our morals and beliefs are. If you’re uncomfortable being judged for this choice, maybe spend some time thinking about why it makes you feel so angry and defensive. If you truly thought it was a ridiculous judgement, would it just roll off your back? Usually the things that upset us most upset us becuase we think there’s a kernel of truth there. Your child will be fine after this week and a half vacation, but if there are other ways you fear that you’re putting your needs first, and THAT’s why this random comment from a coworker hurt so much, now would be a great time to drop the defenses and think about that some.

I'm definitely not OP so your judgement means nothing to me. Perhaps spend some time examining why you feel the need to come on this site and trash moms and women who are doing all of the heavy lifting. Why do you feel the need to judge a single mom when she needs a much needed break? This has zero impact on you. But somehow you are so unhappy with yourself that you feel the need to be nasty to perfect strangers just trying to survive. Why are you so deeply unhappy with yourself? I feel sad for you.

[Anonymous]

If it's bothering you then probably pry of you thinks it's true. Otherwise you wouldn't care. Also, don't tell coworkers about your personal life.

[Anonymous]

New Poster – XH went on vacation for the same amount of time as OP and didn't tell me he would be away. I do the vast majority of parenting because he's "too busy" for anything more than every other weekend. I received no heads up, and the kids didn't know he was going away, either. The only thing he told me was that he couldn't do his weekend with the kids. I wonder if the same people judging OP would judge him as harshly?

[Anonymous]

Good grief. Yes she is a single mom and it's fine to leave your kids with grandma for ten days. Heck the highlight of my child hood was going to grandma's in the country for a month each summer. Swimming in the crick, picking raspberries, having campfires....

[Anonymous]

Life pro-tip for you: workers are on a need-to-know basis. They are not your friends. When it comes to small talk only disclose the absolute most vanilla stuff about your life or let them run their mouths about themselves

This woman is just jealous!

[Anonymous]

Only factually single moms (without a second parent at all) those who know them, and some others, understand what it means to be a single mother. There are countless ways it is different. Not better or worse than divorce, absentee parent, etc. but different in meaningful ways including legal, financial, emotional, etc.

[Anonymous]

Adding logistics to the list. Again, either scenario is not always easier or harder, but anyone who claims there is no difference doesn't know the reality of the situation of no other parent.