In-laws coming for ten days

[Anonymous]

I’m not happy with this. They are very old and needy and it’s at Christmas break when my college kids will be home. They get upset easily if they feel we /kids are not spending enough time with them.

It’s making me dread the holidays. I suggested 5 days as a reasonable visit but my husband “feels badly” telling them this.

There is a bit more context. My father died 10 years ago and my mother is not well and in a full time facility and likely will die this year. She hasn’t been able to visit for over 6 years (I do go see her, however my husband never does)

My husband also had an extremely painful affair that was in full tilt over the holidays two years ago and there is a lot of pain associated with this time of year and a strong desire on my part to overcome these memories and create new good times as a family and couple.

I’m definitely feeling resentful over this visit and realize fully it’s intermixed with other feelings re my parents and the affair.

Advice?

[Anonymous]

Dear lord. I would not be pleased either. I would drop the rope for this visit. He is in charge of and does it all for his parents. You focus on your kids.

[Anonymous]

Any way, you can go somewhere with the kids for a little while like for 5 days?

Then the other 5 deal with Inlaws?


so sorry, for the affair.

[Anonymous]

Have your husband come up with a plan to cover several of the days. Take them for a long drive through DC. Organize old pictures. Watch old movies..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your husband come up with a plan to cover several of the days. Take them for a long drive through DC. Organize old pictures. Watch old movies..

Huh? How about all of the days.

[Anonymous]

You will be visiting college friends in the area at a hotel/spa.

[Anonymous]

Is your husband taking 20 days of vacation?

[Anonymous]

I’d be getting Covid and concerned about spreading it to them so I’d better stay in a hotel in town for a few days

[Anonymous]

Focus on your kids. Go to movies, museums, overnight at the Gaylord. You don’t cook, you do not clean. He wants to host? He hosts. Do not so much as make a pot of coffee—take the kids to Starbucks every morning. He wants to hosts, he hosts. That means he cooks, gets take-out, washes linens, cleans, wraps their gifts, makes them coffee, entertains them, listens to complaints…

[Anonymous]

You call your in-laws and tell them their son had an affair and your mother is dying, and can't possibly host them at this time of year. Sorry, no can do. End of story.

[Anonymous]

I think you should go visit your mom for a few days. Stay in a nice hotel invite the kids and it’s their choice if they want to come along or not. Do you know to prepare for your in-laws visit. Tell your husband it’s all on him. The cooking the cleaning, the sheet changing everything.

[Anonymous]

None of this is in in laws fault

[Anonymous]

And you stayed with this douchebag why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of this is in in laws fault

Imposing on hosts for this long is beyond rude. No excuses. No polite person would dream of this. Hotel after three nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should go visit your mom for a few days. Stay in a nice hotel invite the kids and it’s their choice if they want to come along or not. Do you know to prepare for your in-laws visit. Tell your husband it’s all on him. The cooking the cleaning, the sheet changing everything.

This. Let him deal with them. The in-laws will have to accept being cared for by the son they raised. If he's not up to the task, that's on him and them.