In-laws coming for ten days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you know this, but you have a husband problem not an in-law problem.

Husband problem and an in-law problem.

Family should respect family and have separate accommodations.

[Anonymous]

I’m not happy with this. They are very old and needy and it’s at Christmas break when my college kids will be home. They get upset easily if they feel we /kids are not spending enough time with them.

Let them be needy and upset. You have a limited amount of time with your college kids home, your kids have a limited amount of time to see their friends, and in-laws chose to visit at this time for 10 days. Not your problem.

I would tell them and your husband that the family will spend XYZ time together for the actual holiday and beyond that kids have plans, you have plans, and they are adults and can surely entertain themselves as needed, or their son can find ways to entertain them. Don't give in to their pouting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of this is in in laws fault

Imposing on hosts for this long is beyond rude. No excuses. No polite person would dream of this. Hotel after three nights.

They’re family

So? When we visit my sister in CA we get a hotel after three nights. We don’t impose and disrupt their lives and eat them out of house and home. They’re family—all the more reason to respect them, and not impose.

They are old people. The OP has college age kids. That means her in-laws are old. You all get so nasty when it comes to in-laws.

DP

Hotels accommodate old people.

Boundaries. We get nasty when Team IL wants to violate boundaries that exist out of courtesy and common sense.

You’re all talk. Just another keyboard warrior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of this is in in laws fault

Imposing on hosts for this long is beyond rude. No excuses. No polite person would dream of this. Hotel after three nights.

They’re family

So? When we visit my sister in CA we get a hotel after three nights. We don’t impose and disrupt their lives and eat them out of house and home. They’re family—all the more reason to respect them, and not impose.

They are old people. The OP has college age kids. That means her in-laws are old. You all get so nasty when it comes to in-laws.

DP

Hotels accommodate old people.

Boundaries. We get nasty when Team IL wants to violate boundaries that exist out of courtesy and common sense.

You’re all talk. Just another keyboard warrior.

Just another entitled in-law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of this is in in laws fault

Imposing on hosts for this long is beyond rude. No excuses. No polite person would dream of this. Hotel after three nights.

They’re family

So? When we visit my sister in CA we get a hotel after three nights. We don’t impose and disrupt their lives and eat them out of house and home. They’re family—all the more reason to respect them, and not impose.

They are old people. The OP has college age kids. That means her in-laws are old. You all get so nasty when it comes to in-laws.

DP

Hotels accommodate old people.

Boundaries. We get nasty when Team IL wants to violate boundaries that exist out of courtesy and common sense.

You’re all talk. Just another keyboard warrior.

Just another entitled in-law.

You’re a real peach. I feel sorry for your husband.

[Anonymous]

Girl, move out. You don’t need any of this. Or you need to come up with a trip you have to go on on Dec 26.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of this is in in laws fault

Imposing on hosts for this long is beyond rude. No excuses. No polite person would dream of this. Hotel after three nights.

They’re family

So? When we visit my sister in CA we get a hotel after three nights. We don’t impose and disrupt their lives and eat them out of house and home. They’re family—all the more reason to respect them, and not impose.

They are old people. The OP has college age kids. That means her in-laws are old. You all get so nasty when it comes to in-laws.

DP

Hotels accommodate old people.

Boundaries. We get nasty when Team IL wants to violate boundaries that exist out of courtesy and common sense.

You’re all talk. Just another keyboard warrior.

Just another entitled in-law.

You’re a real peach. I feel sorry for your husband.

LOL. The AP is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not happy with this. They are very old and needy and it’s at Christmas break when my college kids will be home. They get upset easily if they feel we /kids are not spending enough time with them.

It’s making me dread the holidays. I suggested 5 days as a reasonable visit but my husband “feels badly” telling them this.

There is a bit more context. My father died 10 years ago and my mother is not well and in a full time facility and likely will die this year. She hasn’t been able to visit for over 6 years (I do go see her, however my husband never does)

My husband also had an extremely painful affair that was in full tilt over the holidays two years ago and there is a lot of pain associated with this time of year and a strong desire on my part to overcome these memories and create new good times as a family and couple.

I’m definitely feeling resentful over this visit and realize fully it’s intermixed with other feelings re my parents and the affair.

Advice?

I get how you are feeling. However, I would advise to make the best of this time so your kids don't remember you as the sour puss. Make it a happy family time. For spring vacation, make a plan for family to visit your mom or have her over and make the most of that time as well. Even if everyone can't make it, either have your mom visit or go visit her by yourself and have a great time. Don't make it a competition of whose parents come first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of this is in in laws fault

Nobody is saying it is! But he is the one in charge of their visit - planning, shopping, hosting, etc. He tends to their needs, not her.

[Anonymous]

Don't let your DH's past which you forgave of your in-laws neediness ruin holidays. Be the bigger person. Let kids observe your graciousness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not happy with this. They are very old and needy and it’s at Christmas break when my college kids will be home. They get upset easily if they feel we /kids are not spending enough time with them.

It’s making me dread the holidays. I suggested 5 days as a reasonable visit but my husband “feels badly” telling them this.

There is a bit more context. My father died 10 years ago and my mother is not well and in a full time facility and likely will die this year. She hasn’t been able to visit for over 6 years (I do go see her, however my husband never does)

My husband also had an extremely painful affair that was in full tilt over the holidays two years ago and there is a lot of pain associated with this time of year and a strong desire on my part to overcome these memories and create new good times as a family and couple.

I’m definitely feeling resentful over this visit and realize fully it’s intermixed with other feelings re my parents and the affair.

Advice?

I get how you are feeling. However, I would advise to make the best of this time so your kids don't remember you as the sour puss. Make it a happy family time. For spring vacation, make a plan for family to visit your mom or have her over and make the most of that time as well. Even if everyone can't make it, either have your mom visit or go visit her by yourself and have a great time. Don't make it a competition of whose parents come first.

Nobody is telling her to be a sour puss. And you miss the point. The emotional and mental work for family visits is almost always on the mom. It just is. She needs to smile and put it on him, and make space for herself without feeling bad. If ILs pick up on something, he can explain it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of this is in in laws fault

Imposing on hosts for this long is beyond rude. No excuses. No polite person would dream of this. Hotel after three nights.

They’re family

DP

OP is family. In-laws should not be rude to family.

Uh, parking at someone's house for 10 days is kind of rude.
Reverse the roles, would these in-laws be willing to host and entertain for 10 days?

Good question. I would hope the in-laws would say, "Sorry, we can't host you for 10 days. How about 5?" If the OP and her husband agreed to 10 days, how is that the in-law's fault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't let your DH's past which you forgave of your in-laws neediness ruin holidays. Be the bigger person. Let kids observe your graciousness.

Nobody is telling her to be rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of this is in in laws fault

Imposing on hosts for this long is beyond rude. No excuses. No polite person would dream of this. Hotel after three nights.

I wouldn't do it myself but I can understand old people needing some time to have strength to travel back.

[Anonymous]

And probably retired so can't afford hotels.