In-laws coming for ten days

[Anonymous]

This post is wildly out of hand. Here are the facts:
- ops marriage is under stress
- 10 days is a long time for anyone to stay with anyone
- in laws are old and might die and that is a fact

Given all the above the only answer is for the dh to tell the parents the truth about marriage and for parents to stay for 5 nights and then either dh to take parents away for 5 nights or op to take kids away for 5 nights. Or parents stay in a hotel but that will make op feel awkward when it happens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not happy with this. They are very old and needy and it’s at Christmas break when my college kids will be home. They get upset easily if they feel we /kids are not spending enough time with them.

It’s making me dread the holidays. I suggested 5 days as a reasonable visit but my husband “feels badly” telling them this.

There is a bit more context. My father died 10 years ago and my mother is not well and in a full time facility and likely will die this year. She hasn’t been able to visit for over 6 years (I do go see her, however my husband never does)

My husband also had an extremely painful affair that was in full tilt over the holidays two years ago and there is a lot of pain associated with this time of year and a strong desire on my part to overcome these memories and create new good times as a family and couple.

I’m definitely feeling resentful over this visit and realize fully it’s intermixed with other feelings re my parents and the affair.

Advice?

WTF. This is how your kids will feel about you when they have their own families, and you get old. It is called karma.

You wish gramma. You're just jealous that we refuse to be doormats to everyone else. From your obnoxious tone, I'd bet you were rarely kind to anyone else but are the taking advantage of others and can't live without walking on women who aren't confident kind of gal. Those of you who live to take advantage of other women and think you are THE matriarch hate that younger women don't tolerate this crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not happy with this. They are very old and needy and it’s at Christmas break when my college kids will be home. They get upset easily if they feel we /kids are not spending enough time with them.

It’s making me dread the holidays. I suggested 5 days as a reasonable visit but my husband “feels badly” telling them this.

There is a bit more context. My father died 10 years ago and my mother is not well and in a full time facility and likely will die this year. She hasn’t been able to visit for over 6 years (I do go see her, however my husband never does)

My husband also had an extremely painful affair that was in full tilt over the holidays two years ago and there is a lot of pain associated with this time of year and a strong desire on my part to overcome these memories and create new good times as a family and couple.

I’m definitely feeling resentful over this visit and realize fully it’s intermixed with other feelings re my parents and the affair.

Advice?

WTF. This is how your kids will feel about you when they have their own families, and you get old. It is called karma.

What? I would never ask anyone to host me for 10 days. I am young and can take care of myself and still would never invade anyone one else's space for 10 days. They can get a B&B for some of that time. College kids are not going to be able or want to visit grandparents for that long anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is wildly out of hand. Here are the facts:
- ops marriage is under stress
- 10 days is a long time for anyone to stay with anyone
- in laws are old and might die and that is a fact

Given all the above the only answer is for the dh to tell the parents the truth about marriage and for parents to stay for 5 nights and then either dh to take parents away for 5 nights or op to take kids away for 5 nights. Or parents stay in a hotel but that will make op feel awkward when it happens

Anyone might die at any time. Drop that ridiculous argument.

[Anonymous]

Op do you think your dh is trying to avoid spending time with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op do you think your dh is trying to avoid spending time with you?

No I honestly don’t. We spend a lot of time together and have been on many trips just us this year too.

[Anonymous]

Any update? Has he talked to his parents yet?

[Anonymous]

They have a scheduled call tomorrow

[Anonymous]

Fingers crossed for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you know this, but you have a husband problem not an in-law problem.

Husband problem and an in-law problem.

Family should respect family and have separate accommodations.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not happy with this. They are very old and needy and it’s at Christmas break when my college kids will be home. They get upset easily if they feel we /kids are not spending enough time with them.

It’s making me dread the holidays. I suggested 5 days as a reasonable visit but my husband “feels badly” telling them this.

There is a bit more context. My father died 10 years ago and my mother is not well and in a full time facility and likely will die this year. She hasn’t been able to visit for over 6 years (I do go see her, however my husband never does)

My husband also had an extremely painful affair that was in full tilt over the holidays two years ago and there is a lot of pain associated with this time of year and a strong desire on my part to overcome these memories and create new good times as a family and couple.

I’m definitely feeling resentful over this visit and realize fully it’s intermixed with other feelings re my parents and the affair.

Advice?

WTF. This is how your kids will feel about you when they have their own families, and you get old. It is called karma.

You wish gramma. You're just jealous that we refuse to be doormats to everyone else. From your obnoxious tone, I'd bet you were rarely kind to anyone else but are the taking advantage of others and can't live without walking on women who aren't confident kind of gal. Those of you who live to take advantage of other women and think you are THE matriarch hate that younger women don't tolerate this crap.

Who is this person? She haunts DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of this is in in laws fault

Imposing on hosts for this long is beyond rude. No excuses. No polite person would dream of this. Hotel after three nights.

I wouldn't do it myself but I can understand old people needing some time to have strength to travel back.

And they can “recover their strength” at the Fairfield Inn.

[Anonymous]

You have bigger problems than in-laws staying for 10 days. Your husband has shown you his lack of respect, this is another dismissal of your feelings.

I'm sorry but you chose to ignore the affair and stay in the marriage. If you continue in this marriage these types of issues will repeat. Or you can decide to find a real partner who respects you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not happy with this. They are very old and needy and it’s at Christmas break when my college kids will be home. They get upset easily if they feel we /kids are not spending enough time with them.

It’s making me dread the holidays. I suggested 5 days as a reasonable visit but my husband “feels badly” telling them this.

There is a bit more context. My father died 10 years ago and my mother is not well and in a full time facility and likely will die this year. She hasn’t been able to visit for over 6 years (I do go see her, however my husband never does)

My husband also had an extremely painful affair that was in full tilt over the holidays two years ago and there is a lot of pain associated with this time of year and a strong desire on my part to overcome these memories and create new good times as a family and couple.

I’m definitely feeling resentful over this visit and realize fully it’s intermixed with other feelings re my parents and the affair.

Advice?

WTF. This is how your kids will feel about you when they have their own families, and you get old. It is called karma.

You wish gramma. You're just jealous that we refuse to be doormats to everyone else. From your obnoxious tone, I'd bet you were rarely kind to anyone else but are the taking advantage of others and can't live without walking on women who aren't confident kind of gal. Those of you who live to take advantage of other women and think you are THE matriarch hate that younger women don't tolerate this crap.

Who is this person? She haunts DCUM!

Sounds like Brunch Granny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have bigger problems than in-laws staying for 10 days. Your husband has shown you his lack of respect, this is another dismissal of your feelings.

I'm sorry but you chose to ignore the affair and stay in the marriage. If you continue in this marriage these types of issues will repeat. Or you can decide to find a real partner who respects you.

I definitely did not “ignore ” the affair. And just btw around 70 percent of marriages there is an incidence of infidelity and most people stay together and work through it. Some brush it under the rug, we definitely did not.