Moved into house and husband doesn’t seem interested in doing house projects
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Anonymous
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We just bought a house as first time owners. I’m really excited to make the place ours and am constantly looking for things I can fix up or decorate, etc., or looking up what we need to maintain the house. My husband on the other hand acts like the house is “done” (other than getting more furniture). It’s starting to bug me that he’s not also looking for stuff to do around the house and it feels like I’m going to do a ton and he’s just going to free load. I’m not just talking about decorating; stuff has come off like a toilet stopped flushing or some outlets weren’t working and he doesn’t seem interested in dealing with it. If he’s not interested in decorating then fine but shouldn’t he at least fix things or find people to do it?
I want to have a talk about it but haven’t broached the subject yet. I’m sure I’m a little overeager with getting stuff done quickly, but it bothers that I’m putting in all this effort and he’s just like cool you do that. Is there a good way you’d suggest bringing this up without just saying hey can you do more projects around the house? Because I don’t think he’ll react well to that or know what to do with that. |
Anonymous
No one wants to hear a "here is what I have noticed over time about this deficiency in your character/personality/habits that are not immoral or life threatening" lecture. Just address issues as they come up. If you want help dealing with something just ask. But a you need to realize you need to change who you are because I said so is not going to work. |
Anonymous
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I always feel like once I move into a place it's "mine." And I have less than zero interest in wielding a hammer or doing any home improvement projects. I get furniture and maybe a rug or two and call it a day.
Different people have different interests. If you want to putter around buying throw pillows and painting random things, go for it. |
Anonymous
| If something breaks, call a handyman. |
Anonymous
+1. A broken toilet isn’t a house project, it’s a service that needs to be hired out. Not being into house projects like DIY shiplap and painting the walls a moody dark green, on the other hand, is not being lazy or “freeloading”. |
Anonymous
| You sound really controlling and unpleasant, OP. Your husband is allowed to just enjoy his house and not come up with projects. Geez. |
Anonymous
Also I say this as someone who loves home DIY. |
Anonymous
| My husband has no interest in house projects. I have no interest in football. Both are fine. Tackle the projects you can and hire help fir the rest. |
Anonymous
| My DH of many years doesn’t “look” for things to do, but will try some small repairs (especially once he realizes how much it will cost to outsource). I suggest you make a list of maintenance to do’s. Ask what he is willing to tackle. If he is unwilling, I would bundle similar projects together and hire a handyman. Personally, I am the painter in the house. On those weekends, I tell him HE will be handling dinner (and that doesn’t mean a pizza delivery). |
Anonymous
Oh cmon. This is clearly a young lady with a new husband and a first house. |
Anonymous
| So hire them out. Not everyone is good at repairs. We hire out everything. |
Anonymous
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An undervalued part of a good pre marriage counseling is going through a long list of life tasks and asking a) how they were handled in your house growing up; and b) how you expect they will be handled in your marriage.
Toilet handle and outlet are two good examples. |
Anonymous
| Only do or hire out what you have to for now and don’t overspend on projects. Try to reach an agreement with him later on the extras. |
Anonymous
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I am much more the one who fixes things (toilets, for example) though dh will call plumbers and that kind of thing. He is occasionally interested in decorating choices but mostly that’s me.
In my parents house, growing up, my dad was very handy and so I had this idea that all men would be. But it turns out I am the handy one. On the other hand my dh does most of the cooking and food shopping, and does a lot of kid stuff, so I don’t feel like our labor split is unfair or too unbalanced. That seems to be a little what you are getting at—that all house stuff is now “yours.” |
Anonymous
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You sound like my ex-wife. We bought a house that was a bit too expensive for us but she promised, "it's perfect, it needs no work at all." As soon as we moved in she started demanding every room be painted, new carpet, all new bathrooms, and a new kitchen. Meanwhile I was struggling to pay for the place while she sat on her butt at home, unemployed.
Years later, after I moved out, she still didn't paint the rooms, or renovate the bathrooms and kitchen. |