Onlies born to older parents- seems unfair now

[Anonymous]

Going through elder care issues and I am so thankful of my siblings to help should the burden. I know a number of friends with onlies and tbh I feel bad for their kids. Flame away

[Anonymous]

I don't know that you need to be flamed but I think you need to be educated. Sometimes people have a hard time empathizing with others who are not in their own situation. You're only seeing YOUR experience, and not those of people who have healthy and full only child lives, or those who have toxic or less than ideal relationships with siblings.

Don't feel bad for onlies. Feel bad for people who are negatively impacted by aging parents. They come in all types, OP.

[Anonymous]

I have a sibling and I am 100% responsible for my mom. He visits maybe once every year or two and has nothing to do with assisting with any of her care. Don’t feel sorry for onlies, feel sorry for anyone who has to carry the burden by themselves.

[Anonymous]

My husband has 3 siblings and there are a lot of disagreements about how to handle things. I think it would be easier as an only.

[Anonymous]

I'm a paid caregiver and over the decade I've done this work I've seen many families where one child shoulders the vast majority of the burden of eldercare of parents while the other siblings criticize.

Very few families have an ideal dynamic where everyone chips in equitably.

[Anonymous]

If we're ranking misery here I think it would be far worse to have absent siblings or problematic siblings or siblings with needs AND aging parents rather than just trudging through it as an only child. Also, only children live full lives often with helpful and loving partners to help them; no it's not the same as a sibling who shares early memories of parents, but that does constitute a companion.

[Anonymous]

I call troll. You come to this board to brainstorm how to deal with eldercare and challenging siblings or elders or doctors who don't believe you about concerning behaviors. If things are going perfectly, you are busy helping your parent/seeing siblings/focusing on family and friends. You don't come here to post how lucky you are and to pity people.

[Anonymous]

I get what you're saying BUT there are so many posts on this forum about people complaining about their siblings who do nothing. So it's great when you have a sibling who is involved. It is probably more infuriating when you have a sibling who isn't.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this thread is going the way OP wanted it to.

[Anonymous]

Onlies just either hire it out, care for the parent, or let them be alone. It's not a big deal. At least there are no siblings to argue with. *shrugs*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. You come to this board to brainstorm how to deal with eldercare and challenging siblings or elders or doctors who don't believe you about concerning behaviors. If things are going perfectly, you are busy helping your parent/seeing siblings/focusing on family and friends. You don't come here to post how lucky you are and to pity people.

Yes - this. A very low-effort, transparent troll.

[Anonymous]

This is a bizarre reaction. Do you have narcissistic tendencies under stress normally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread is going the way OP wanted it to.

You think I’m not entitled to my opinion. I would not want to be an only dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread is going the way OP wanted it to.

You think I’m not entitled to my opinion. I would not want to be an only dealing with this.

Good thing you're not then! Glad it's going well!

But no need to project your feelings on others, of whose circumstances you know absolutely nothing about.

[Anonymous]

I don't think having parents in decline is ever easy. But here are aspects of it that are easier if you are an only child:

- There are fewer relationships total so less potential for conflict. As long as the only child can reach agreement with their parents this can be a remarkably conflict free time (not so with siblings often).

- Decision making is more straightforward. Again the only will need to work with the parents but especially if they decline to the point of needing decisions made for them and also after the parents pass there is no bickering over anything during those difficult emotional times -- the only can just make the choices unimpeded.

- Fewer children and grandchildren mean less likelihood of a dependent adult child or grandchild. This can be a huge difficulty in many families -- how to care for your 80 year old mom when she is currently supporting your 55 year old brother for instance. And also does your 55 year old brother become dependent on you after she passes.