Onlies born to older parents- seems unfair now

[Anonymous]

The more siblings, the more disagreements about eldercare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more siblings, the more disagreements about eldercare.

Not always, but I’ve seen it. My mother’s five siblings collaborated well and worked out glitches as needed. Was a great template for me and my siblings as our dad’s was a not good one (the older sibling behaved deplorably with my dad and the other younger sibling regarding their mother).

Back to my mom’s side, all cousins worked well as family units except for one family - two kids (oldest and youngest) were on one side and one kid was on the other. Think they are now not talking even though the parents have passed away. The other five families had 4-5 kids each and there were minimal to no disagreements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truth is, it's rare for siblings to equally or equitably split caregiving responsibilities. To operate effectively, you need to have a lead. Just how it is.

Better to be an only child caregiver than have siblings that obstruct or make caregiving more difficult. Family can get downright mean in these situations.

Agree. I'd rather have it all on me than fight with a sibling over it. It would be great to have siblings where everyone is just supportive and helps each other but I think what happens more often is that either some siblings are strong and support the others or everyone just fights or everyone just gets support elsewhere because they can't get it from each other for whatever reason. I'd rather be an only than any of those situations even if in an ideal world I'd have a sibling who just totally got it and we were there for each other.

Agreed. My best friend is the youngest of 6 siblings and is the primary caregiver for their father. 2 of her siblings basically disappeared the moment it became clear their father needed support. The other three siblings, live too far and are too broke to provide hands-on or financial support, but they have no problems questioning my friend's decisions, especially when it comes to money. It also doesn't help that the dad's POAs and trust documents give too many siblings the same authority to handle his affairs. One of the AWOL siblings randomly withdraws funds from his account. All this while my friend has 3 young kids of her own, martial and health problems. Complete nightmare. Sign me up to be an only all day long.

That’s so unfortunate, especially withdrawing the money. Damn, if it were me, I’d withdraw all of it under the consent of an attorney and put it into a separate account. I’d then make it clear to the siblings that any money remaining on death could be split, but only then.

How do folks do this stuff!?!

FWIW, one sibling remained in our hometown near our parents, one was 2-3 hours by car, and then me, a 3-hour plane flight away. While I would have done some stuff differently, I didn’t live there and I didn’t question it. Sometimes they asked advice and I only offered after they shared their views. I handled a lot of the paperwork and I always shared the status with them along with any decisions to be made. I would frame a decision, but never take it unless we all agreed.

[Anonymous]

My husband has several siblings and most of them did nothing to help their parents. It was awful of them. Having siblings doesn’t guarantee care help, sadly.