Sleeping with someone for first time when you're over 50

[Anonymous]

My sense is that once a woman is 50 and no longer at risk of pregnancy, lots of people want to forego condoms. I don't.

Started seeing someone and we're at the point where we're likely going to sleep together the next time we meet up. What's the protocol for this these days? I've been tested for STDs very recently and have the results on my phone to show him if asked. Can I expect that a man of this generation has also thought to get tested or should I give him a heads up well before our next date?

I imagine that during dinner, before things get physical, I bring it up and do my "disclosures" about my STD status and ask for his. I also want to warn or alert him about some large scars that I have so he isn't wondering or shocked. I would say during this conversation that I want to use condoms until we are ready to both commit to exclusivity.

Does this sound right? Is this when he might tell me that he uses Viagra or that he has trouble with getting or staying there? Do men tell their new partners about this or is this something they just handle on their own?

Anything else?

[Anonymous]

I don't know but am watching this thread because I need answers to all of this too. Not as far along as you but aiming to get there and need to be prepared.

[Anonymous]

no, he's not going to want to wear a condom and what if he doesn't have any? he'll probably dodge the std talk and try to raw dog you.

[Anonymous]

Have a fresh box with you.

[Anonymous]

I am curious too!

The thing is I feel like condoms don’t work as well if the man struggles to maintain an erection. The condom can slip off or be hard to put on if he’s not hard enough.

Wasn’t really a worry in my 20s hooking up with men in their 20s. But I wonder what it’s like hooking up in your late 40s and beyond.

[Anonymous]

Recent test he can get STD that evening. Until you are exclusive and really are and retest you need at least a condom. Can get stuff orally too.
Doing your rap during dinner?
Ugh
Have a cocktail first, do the rap, see if dinner is even still on

[Anonymous]

I don’t plan to get an STD at 50. You know there are huge STD outbreaks in nursing homes right? Gross. Use a condom.

[Anonymous]

You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

There is no reliable test for men for HPV so you won't know anything for sure. Life is full of risks, this is one of them.

[Anonymous]

Have condoms with you. If you want to see STD results before having sex with him, say that. If you will only have sex if he uses a condom say that. Figure out your boundaries. If you both agree you're exclusive and you both have negative STD testing will you have sex without a condom? Know what your boundaries are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

There is no reliable test for men for HPV so you won't know anything for sure. Life is full of risks, this is one of them.

True, but that's one reason why I still use condoms even after seeing his STD results. And why I got the HPV vaccine. I'm not going to get cancer or PID just to make some guy happy. I can have sex and mitigate risks. It's worked so far. I always test negative for STDs including HPV. I had sex without a condom with my ex husband and I will do so again if I get re-married. But dating? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious too!

The thing is I feel like condoms don’t work as well if the man struggles to maintain an erection. The condom can slip off or be hard to put on if he’s not hard enough.

Wasn’t really a worry in my 20s hooking up with men in their 20s. But I wonder what it’s like hooking up in your late 40s and beyond.

It's fine.

[Anonymous]

I honestly feel bad for women because men do not like to be tested and I don't understand the reason. Perhaps the younger generation of men get tested regularly. I am 48 and a lot men my age just "assume" they are okay.

I am divorced as well and recently started dating. So far I had sex with two women one 35 and the other 39. And let me tell neither asked to used condoms..one of them had a nervous laugh when I told her I had to reach for the condoms.

I am glad you are using protection OP. It's not talk about but more and more people 50+ are catching STDs. And lets be honest at our age we are already fragile health wise adding STD to the mix is not good.

[Anonymous]

I would not have that conversation over dinner or a drink. That seems like a conversation to have after you're at least kissing and groping a bit. But you don't have to have sex just because you're kissing and groping! Seems like that's the point to say, "hey, can we talk about this?"

And have condoms handy.

[Anonymous]

Condom every time until documentary evidence of no STDs and absolute certainty of committment; you yourself need the HPV shot and frankly depending on his sexual history I might never feel safe raw.

Currently dating someone who was married for 20 years and I was the first person he met online but before than dated 2 or 3 people who’d been around a while and I would not drop the condom. So gross.