Sleeping with someone for first time when you're over 50

[Anonymous]

Condoms every single time. STD's in the 50+ set are common.

I wouldn't discuss it over dinner. Wait until after dinner if it seems like things are headed that way.

[Anonymous]

Men in your age group commonly have ED issues. Condoms amplify that issue. I would ask for updated STD testing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men in your age group commonly have ED issues. Condoms amplify that issue. I would ask for updated STD testing.

Boy please!

[Anonymous]

Alcohol+nerves+age+condom can equal a lousy performance. If you like him, don't give up on him. Things will likely improve quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

Isn't a couple of weeks sufficient?

[Anonymous]

To be safer, don’t have sex. Even condoms don’t protect you 100%. They can break or slip off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

There is no reliable test for men for HPV so you won't know anything for sure. Life is full of risks, this is one of them.

True, but that's one reason why I still use condoms even after seeing his STD results. And why I got the HPV vaccine. I'm not going to get cancer or PID just to make some guy happy. I can have sex and mitigate risks. It's worked so far. I always test negative for STDs including HPV. I had sex without a condom with my ex husband and I will do so again if I get re-married. But dating? Nope.

Seriously-do you know that most of the population has HPV? And just because you test negative doesn’t mean you don’t have it. It just means it’s dormant. And HPV-doesn’t equal cancer. You sound paranoid and uneducated. Getting regular checkups with a gynecologist is what prevents that kind of situation.
-signed woman who tested positive for HPV at 18 and has tested negative ever since. Oh and had never had sex without a condom. Condoms don’t prevent HPV because you can get it in other ways. And I don’t judge people for having it, just like I don’t judge people for having HSV-1 which you usually get as a child from an infected person kissing you on the cheek.

[Anonymous]

I'm 52 and dating and none of the guys I date ever talk about this stuff. They just assume they can raw dog it like they did with their wives. I wish they were more concerned about it. I wish they just assumed they should use condoms. I would prefer to use them. I still get regular periods, and while pregnancy is unlikely, it's not impossible. The ideal is a guy who's had a vasectomy and hasn't dated a zillion women since his divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 52 and dating and none of the guys I date ever talk about this stuff. They just assume they can raw dog it like they did with their wives. I wish they were more concerned about it. I wish they just assumed they should use condoms. I would prefer to use them. I still get regular periods, and while pregnancy is unlikely, it's not impossible. The ideal is a guy who's had a vasectomy and hasn't dated a zillion women since his divorce.

Why don't you speak up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

Isn't a couple of weeks sufficient?

It absolutely is sufficient. I don’t know why these paranoid folks are having sex at all. How can you even enjoy it if you can’t even relax? Sure some people have STDs, but you would think by the tone of this thread that MOST people do. That’s simply not the case. You make a choice to accept some risk (which is their condom or not) or not engage in the behavior at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sense is that once a woman is 50 and no longer at risk of pregnancy, lots of people want to forego condoms. I don't.

Started seeing someone and we're at the point where we're likely going to sleep together the next time we meet up. What's the protocol for this these days? I've been tested for STDs very recently and have the results on my phone to show him if asked. Can I expect that a man of this generation has also thought to get tested or should I give him a heads up well before our next date?

I imagine that during dinner, before things get physical, I bring it up and do my "disclosures" about my STD status and ask for his. I also want to warn or alert him about some large scars that I have so he isn't wondering or shocked. I would say during this conversation that I want to use condoms until we are ready to both commit to exclusivity.

Does this sound right? Is this when he might tell me that he uses Viagra or that he has trouble with getting or staying there? Do men tell their new partners about this or is this something they just handle on their own?

Anything else?

Candidly, no one uses rubbers. It doesn’t feel good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sense is that once a woman is 50 and no longer at risk of pregnancy, lots of people want to forego condoms. I don't.

Started seeing someone and we're at the point where we're likely going to sleep together the next time we meet up. What's the protocol for this these days? I've been tested for STDs very recently and have the results on my phone to show him if asked. Can I expect that a man of this generation has also thought to get tested or should I give him a heads up well before our next date?

I imagine that during dinner, before things get physical, I bring it up and do my "disclosures" about my STD status and ask for his. I also want to warn or alert him about some large scars that I have so he isn't wondering or shocked. I would say during this conversation that I want to use condoms until we are ready to both commit to exclusivity.

Does this sound right? Is this when he might tell me that he uses Viagra or that he has trouble with getting or staying there? Do men tell their new partners about this or is this something they just handle on their own?

Anything else?

Candidly, no one uses rubbers. It doesn’t feel good.

If it was 20 years ago I would agree with you that they don’t feel good. But condoms have actually evolved and they are so thin you can barely even tell. Of course it always feels better without a condom-but it’s not nearly the vast difference in sensation that it used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a fresh box with you.

A box is probably overkill for one night when you're over 50.

[Anonymous]

DON’T HAVE SEX! DON’T LET HIM TOUCH YOU WITH EVEN A FINGER!

You’ll catch a germ or STD with any type of contact. Lock yourself up in a bubble. This is the DCUM advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sense is that once a woman is 50 and no longer at risk of pregnancy, lots of people want to forego condoms. I don't.

Started seeing someone and we're at the point where we're likely going to sleep together the next time we meet up. What's the protocol for this these days? I've been tested for STDs very recently and have the results on my phone to show him if asked. Can I expect that a man of this generation has also thought to get tested or should I give him a heads up well before our next date?

I imagine that during dinner, before things get physical, I bring it up and do my "disclosures" about my STD status and ask for his. I also want to warn or alert him about some large scars that I have so he isn't wondering or shocked. I would say during this conversation that I want to use condoms until we are ready to both commit to exclusivity.

Does this sound right? Is this when he might tell me that he uses Viagra or that he has trouble with getting or staying there? Do men tell their new partners about this or is this something they just handle on their own?

Anything else?

Candidly, no one uses rubbers. It doesn’t feel good.

If it was 20 years ago I would agree with you that they don’t feel good. But condoms have actually evolved and they are so thin you can barely even tell. Of course it always feels better without a condom-but it’s not nearly the vast difference in sensation that it used to be.

Maybe the woman can barely tell.

They’re still awful.

-Dude