Sleeping with someone for first time when you're over 50

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

Isn't a couple of weeks sufficient?

No. Incubation periods are years for some infections

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-long-does-it-take-for-std-to-show-up#_noHeaderPrefixedContent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

Isn't a couple of weeks sufficient?

It absolutely is sufficient. I don’t know why these paranoid folks are having sex at all. How can you even enjoy it if you can’t even relax? Sure some people have STDs, but you would think by the tone of this thread that MOST people do. That’s simply not the case. You make a choice to accept some risk (which is their condom or not) or not engage in the behavior at all.

How do we avoid your practice Doc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

Isn't a couple of weeks sufficient?

No. Incubation periods are years for some infections

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-long-does-it-take-for-std-to-show-up#_noHeaderPrefixedContent

Yeah so definitely safer to just go without sex indefinitely. One of those that takes years isn’t even prevented with a condom. Do you really want to take that kind of risk? I’m being sarcastic, in case that wasn’t obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

Isn't a couple of weeks sufficient?

No. Incubation periods are years for some infections

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-long-does-it-take-for-std-to-show-up#_noHeaderPrefixedContent

So then a couple months is not sufficient either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

Isn't a couple of weeks sufficient?

ask your doctor, but as a few years ago, unfortunately, no a couple weeks is not sufficient for some of the tests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want to forego condom use. So don't. Most men will still happily date or have sex with you and if they won't, oh well, let them move on because I can tell you they for sure have herpes or HPV.

Get the HPV vaccine if you have not yet. Your doctor can prescribe it for you even tho you are over the age limit which is 45.

I am 48 and still use condoms, both for birth control and STDprotection.

And do NOT trust some dude saying he has been tested. He needs to stop having sex with anyone else for a couple months (because it can take a while for the infections to show up on tests), then get tested and show you the results.

There is no reliable test for men for HPV so you won't know anything for sure. Life is full of risks, this is one of them.

True, but that's one reason why I still use condoms even after seeing his STD results. And why I got the HPV vaccine. I'm not going to get cancer or PID just to make some guy happy. I can have sex and mitigate risks. It's worked so far. I always test negative for STDs including HPV. I had sex without a condom with my ex husband and I will do so again if I get re-married. But dating? Nope.

Seriously-do you know that most of the population has HPV? And just because you test negative doesn’t mean you don’t have it. It just means it’s dormant. And HPV-doesn’t equal cancer. You sound paranoid and uneducated. Getting regular checkups with a gynecologist is what prevents that kind of situation.
-signed woman who tested positive for HPV at 18 and has tested negative ever since. Oh and had never had sex without a condom. Condoms don’t prevent HPV because you can get it in other ways. And I don’t judge people for having it, just like I don’t judge people for having HSV-1 which you usually get as a child from an infected person kissing you on the cheek.

I know that condoms don't eliminate the risk of HPV, but they do cut down on it.

[Anonymous]

I am 55 and married. If I were single and dating at this age, you bet I would continue to use condoms. Anyone who came of age in the 1980s should remember when HIV/AIDS was a death sentence; condoms became a standard part of the sex protocol after that, for almost everyone I know.

Yes, they dulled the sensation a bit -- but they also improved one's staying power. If a fifty-something guy refuses to wear a condom now, it's probably because his equipment no longer works quite as well as it did. Because I guarantee you when he was hooking up with randos he met at parties and bars in the 1990s, he was wearing a jimmy hat when they got down to business.

[Anonymous]

Asked him to wear a condom and he blocked me. Never heard from him again. Two guys in late 50s wouldn’t wear one.

Guy question: please explain why a guy in 50s would be nervous about performance. I understand in 20s but in 50s I am 100% confident and free. We’ve had a lifetime of experience. I have never felt less inhibited. So surprised that a man would be nervous. What’s there even to perform ? It’s natural. So frustrating as a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asked him to wear a condom and he blocked me. Never heard from him again. Two guys in late 50s wouldn’t wear one.

Guy question: please explain why a guy in 50s would be nervous about performance. I understand in 20s but in 50s I am 100% confident and free. We’ve had a lifetime of experience. I have never felt less inhibited. So surprised that a man would be nervous. What’s there even to perform ? It’s natural. So frustrating as a woman.

Your frustration would just make things worse so get a handle on that if necessary.

You've seriously never heard of a guy being nervous with a new partner?

-guy

[Anonymous]

Getting std is the least of worries when having sex outside marriage. Accountability in front of God on day of Judgment is the biggest worry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting std is the least of worries when having sex outside marriage. Accountability in front of God on day of Judgment is the biggest worry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asked him to wear a condom and he blocked me. Never heard from him again. Two guys in late 50s wouldn’t wear one.

Guy question: please explain why a guy in 50s would be nervous about performance. I understand in 20s but in 50s I am 100% confident and free. We’ve had a lifetime of experience. I have never felt less inhibited. So surprised that a man would be nervous. What’s there even to perform ? It’s natural. So frustrating as a woman.

A man is always nervous the first time with a woman, duh.

In your 50s it is compounded by fear of ED.

Plus let's say the guy has been divorced for a few years and in the final years of marriage sex was terrible / infrequent / non-existent, so it could be over 5 years since he had enjoyable, satisfying sex with an enthusiastic partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asked him to wear a condom and he blocked me. Never heard from him again. Two guys in late 50s wouldn’t wear one.

Guy question: please explain why a guy in 50s would be nervous about performance. I understand in 20s but in 50s I am 100% confident and free. We’ve had a lifetime of experience. I have never felt less inhibited. So surprised that a man would be nervous. What’s there even to perform ? It’s natural. So frustrating as a woman.

A man is always nervous the first time with a woman, duh.

In your 50s it is compounded by fear of ED.

Plus let's say the guy has been divorced for a few years and in the final years of marriage sex was terrible / infrequent / non-existent, so it could be over 5 years since he had enjoyable, satisfying sex with an enthusiastic partner.

I'm shocked the PP was blocked. /s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asked him to wear a condom and he blocked me. Never heard from him again. Two guys in late 50s wouldn’t wear one.

Guy question: please explain why a guy in 50s would be nervous about performance. I understand in 20s but in 50s I am 100% confident and free. We’ve had a lifetime of experience. I have never felt less inhibited. So surprised that a man would be nervous. What’s there even to perform ? It’s natural. So frustrating as a woman.

A man is always nervous the first time with a woman, duh.

In your 50s it is compounded by fear of ED.

Plus let's say the guy has been divorced for a few years and in the final years of marriage sex was terrible / infrequent / non-existent, so it could be over 5 years since he had enjoyable, satisfying sex with an enthusiastic partner.

We have been judged our entire lives based on our ability to do things. We get judged on our penis size. We get judged on our ability to help a woman achieve orgasm. We get compared to other men. Then people are surprised that when we reach the point in life when we are no longer up to the task we won't be nervous.

[Anonymous]

Most women I've dated over 50 have emphatically not wanted condoms. By "most" I mean almost all.

Many women say sex feels better without a condom, but it's not just that. Many crave the exchange of fluids. It's primal.