Anyone else have zero ‘free time’?
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Anonymous
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I am either working, parenting or doing admin relating to life and parenting at the moment at pretty much all times of day and night except when sleeping. Is this normal? I don’t remember my parents having as much to do as this.
I would like to ‘rise up’ in some way but not sure to whom exactly I would be protesting 😂 |
Anonymous
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No it’s not normal.
You either do a bunch of stuff that is not necessary or are super inefficient. |
Anonymous
| Are your kids old enough to be sent outside to play? That has changed things for me. |
Anonymous
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No it's not.
Unless you're a single parent, you and your partner should tag team, especially on the weekends. After the kids go to bed and kitchen cleaned up, we usually have an hour to ourselves. Also, find a babysitter. |
Anonymous
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You have to prioritize yourself and make time. I make long to do lists and include things for myself on them and actually choose to put off stuff I might do for work or my kids or the house in favor of doing something for myself. Like I will use personal leave and have my DH to pick up and figure out dinner so that I can go get a massage or go to an exercise class or grade a drink with a friend. Not all the time but a few times a month.
I also put exercise and other self care on my to do lists as a think I have to do. And I spend money and effort making may life feel good on the margins. I have really nice shampoo and conditioner and splurge on skincare. I buy really good loose tea and have nice dishes that make me happy when I use them. I buy good chocolate. And a hobby of mine is finding relatively unknown or new artists and buying small pieces from them. It brings me deep joy to discover some illustrator or painter and purchase a small piece and hang it in my house. It's not just the joy of loving that piece of art it's also the effort that went into finding the artist and choosing a piece that I know will live with me forever. Also I often think of living this way as an important part of parenting. I have a daughter and I want her to see me living a full life for myself and not only in service to others. My own mom was and is a martyr and it's a terrible cycle because she will ignore her own needs in service to others and then demand appreciation and then the appreciation she gets is never enough. It's a toxic cycle and no one really benefits. I never wanted to do that to my kids. I take care of the but I also sometimes let the figure stuff out while I take care of myself. |
Anonymous
I mean, this completely depends on the age of the children. I have a 5, 4 and 1 year old. I assure you there isn't a minute of free time in my week. |
Anonymous
| Where’s your partner in all this? You should both have some down time, and if you aren’t getting it that means your partner is slacking. |
Anonymous
| I had to become a SAHM to get free time back. |
Anonymous
NP, I agree with this. I have a full time job and 3 kids (ages 8, 6, and 3). Life is busy and I do feel like I go from work to kids to life upkeep. Luckily I WAH so I can throw some laundry in and place a grocery delivery order during the day. We outsource cleaning and lawn service. And I do eke out little bits of free time (like a girls’ night out or date night here and there). I also read for about 30 min before bed. But wouldn’t say I have gobs of time for hobbies and free time. But it’s a phase. Someday I won’t be folding little socks and spending all weekend at youth sports games. It’s easier to just embrace it as how this season of life is going. It helps that DH is in the trenches with me so I have a supportive partner to do this stuff with and who I can swap out with as needed for little breaks. I don’t think I’m inefficient. I just have a lot of laundry, camp forms, IEP meetings, eldercare, work demands, etc. that I wouldn’t be able to handle if I were not efficient. |
Anonymous
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First, absolutely the younger your kids are the harder it is.
But second, I haven't felt overwhelmed, almost ever, since my kids were 8 and 5. We are a two working parent household with a teen and a tween. I think it is about choices. I don't feel the need to do anything if I don't think it is the highest priority for my family. That means that we say no to a lot of stuff- no PTA, only attend meetings and events related school where I truly believe there is information conveyed that impacts my kids and that I need to know (which means almost none). We worked hard to make sure my kids were age-appropriately self-sufficient (not as a way to reduce our workload, but because we think it is good parenting). As a result, I haven't packed a lunch, made breakfast, or done kids laundry in years. We are not involved in homework at all. All four members of the household split "chores" around the house. We have also developed a strong "village"- so carpooling happens easily, which means less driving around. Ninety percent of the time, I have at least two hours of "free time" every day before I go to sleep at 10:00. I'm not trying to be smug. My sincere advice is to take a hard look at all the things you do that take up your time and consider what would happen if you just...didn't do it. |
Anonymous
| I have plenty of free time, but I have only one child, a very helpful spouse, we both live close to our jobs and WFH 4 days a week. We made trade offs for this lifestyle but no regrets now. |
Anonymous
You have a husband too. I’m sure you have all 3 at times without his help. He can also have all 3 without your help. Just pick a time and make that free time. I use to take Wednesdays after work. I’d just not come home. He’d do dinner/bedtime/rtc. I’d workout or go for a walk or meet a friend or whatever. Free time. |
Anonymous
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ZERO
My "free time" is sitting on the couch at night for 30 min catching up on bills, emails, making sure things are purchased, kids registered, updating our family shared calendar. My spa time is my 5 min shower. I'm constantly doing chores, cooking, playing with kids, kid activities. I've limited my 3 kids to one activity at a time. I have simplified meals, made sure that kid activities are within 5 min of my house (this was key for me so I'm not running ragged driving nonstop) and my kids do chores well. I'm very happy with the craziness of it all though. This is what I signed up for. I completely overdo it between Thanksgiving and New Years. I'm basically dead all of January. I put my kids to bed and then I just get in bed too. I realize that doesn't sound healthy, but I perk back up again by Valentines Day. |
Anonymous
| I felt that way for years. Between caring for kids, caring for aging parents, and trying to work part time, I had an hour or two of free time a week at most. I am a single parent. It’s not forever, though, it gets better as they get older. |
Anonymous
Why do you assume I'm a woman or have a husband? |