Anyone else have zero ‘free time’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ZERO

My "free time" is sitting on the couch at night for 30 min catching up on bills, emails, making sure things are purchased, kids registered, updating our family shared calendar. My spa time is my 5 min shower.

I'm constantly doing chores, cooking, playing with kids, kid activities.

I've limited my 3 kids to one activity at a time. I have simplified meals, made sure that kid activities are within 5 min of my house (this was key for me so I'm not running ragged driving nonstop) and my kids do chores well.

I'm very happy with the craziness of it all though. This is what I signed up for. I completely overdo it between Thanksgiving and New Years. I'm basically dead all of January. I put my kids to bed and then I just get in bed too. I realize that doesn't sound healthy, but I perk back up again by Valentines Day.

Your last sentence cracked me up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, absolutely the younger your kids are the harder it is.

But second, I haven't felt overwhelmed, almost ever, since my kids were 8 and 5. We are a two working parent household with a teen and a tween.

I think it is about choices. I don't feel the need to do anything if I don't think it is the highest priority for my family. That means that we say no to a lot of stuff- no PTA, only attend meetings and events related school where I truly believe there is information conveyed that impacts my kids and that I need to know (which means almost none). We worked hard to make sure my kids were age-appropriately self-sufficient (not as a way to reduce our workload, but because we think it is good parenting). As a result, I haven't packed a lunch, made breakfast, or done kids laundry in years. We are not involved in homework at all. All four members of the household split "chores" around the house. We have also developed a strong "village"- so carpooling happens easily, which means less driving around.

Ninety percent of the time, I have at least two hours of "free time" every day before I go to sleep at 10:00.

I'm not trying to be smug. My sincere advice is to take a hard look at all the things you do that take up your time and consider what would happen if you just...didn't do it.

PP, you are my hero!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am either working, parenting or doing admin relating to life and parenting at the moment at pretty much all times of day and night except when sleeping. Is this normal? I don’t remember my parents having as much to do as this.

I would like to ‘rise up’ in some way but not sure to whom exactly I would be protesting 😂

This kind of comment always comes out snarky but I don't mean it that way -- you need to be much more intentional about your breaks and time away. You are posting on DCUM; this is not the best way for you to spend refreshing yourself. It's easy and can be short, but that concept is false.

[Anonymous]

This was me as a single parent. Even then, my parents took him sometimes. Ex was not involved.

[Anonymous]

It's called having young kids, OP. Everyone goes through it, and it will make you a better person later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No it’s not normal.

You either do a bunch of stuff that is not necessary or are super inefficient.

I mean, this completely depends on the age of the children. I have a 5, 4 and 1 year old. I assure you there isn't a minute of free time in my week.

Agree. My oldest is 2 and has special needs, and my youngest is 6 months. Plus I work full time. Zero free time.

[Anonymous]

No, I have tons of free time. We are very organized and everyone participates in cleaning and picking up, which helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No it’s not normal.

You either do a bunch of stuff that is not necessary or are super inefficient.

I mean, this completely depends on the age of the children. I have a 5, 4 and 1 year old. I assure you there isn't a minute of free time in my week.

Agree. My oldest is 2 and has special needs, and my youngest is 6 months. Plus I work full time. Zero free time.

I’m not sure what type of SNs your 2 y/o has, but I was in a similar position and while there have been bumps, things have gotten easier with an older child (now 7). Having a young toddler + baby was one of the most challenging points of parenting for me, but the preschool/elementary years have been so much better. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

What are you busy doing?

I know people who have no free time because they are full time professionals with an additional small business and four children who travel a lot, and I know people who are SAH parents with extensive PTA and volunteer obligations, drive every carpool, participate in every activity, and host endless parties for elaborate social events (Flag Day, half birthdays, team dinners, etc...) and feel compelled to clean and renovate and bake a lot. I also know people who work two jobs, have a kid or two, and spend all their time sleeping, working, making dinner or grocery shopping, and might get to go to church or watch a tv show once a week.

The first two types could absolutely reclaim free time in different ways. The third really doesn't have a lot of good options.

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to rise up. You need to learn to say no. You can’t be all things to all people all the time. Do less. Don’t try to be a perfect Pinterest mom in all areas. Find one thing and be extra about it.

Find the things that bring you joy and lean in to those. I coach an academic competition team. My husband leads a grade level group for another activity. We lean into those activities hard because we enjoy them and the time commitment doesn’t feel like a burden.

Don’t let it stress you out if you get a million requests for volunteering. If you have your thing that you do, just do it and do it well and don’t feel guilty. If needed just say “sorry I can ‘t man your cookie both, I have used all my PTO coaching soccer”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you busy doing?

I know people who have no free time because they are full time professionals with an additional small business and four children who travel a lot, and I know people who are SAH parents with extensive PTA and volunteer obligations, drive every carpool, participate in every activity, and host endless parties for elaborate social events (Flag Day, half birthdays, team dinners, etc...) and feel compelled to clean and renovate and bake a lot. I also know people who work two jobs, have a kid or two, and spend all their time sleeping, working, making dinner or grocery shopping, and might get to go to church or watch a tv show once a week.

The first two types could absolutely reclaim free time in different ways. The third really doesn't have a lot of good options.

But even the 3rd is often filled with really inefficient people. Like my neighbor who claims she has NO TIME but insists on going to Costco on Saturdays. I order my groceries online and pick them up at Harris Teeter - it’s free and fast. I do not wait in line to pay or to exit a parking lot. I have a friend that buys gifts for nieces and nephews- but she buys them in person or has them shipped to her and then wraps them and goes to the post office to mail them - it’s a choice. She could just ship it directly to the kid.

It doesn’t bother me if people make the choice that their kids only eat homemade baked goods or only wear thrifted clothes or whatever time consuming hobby they disguise as a necessary, non-negotiable life’s choice. It bothers me when they complain about not having any free time and fail to recognize the choices they make. They do have free time, they just choose to spend it baking or going to thrift stores.

[Anonymous]

I get free time at work. I quit doing the working part time but with a full time amount of work to do BS that I did for years. Now I work full time with a full time amount of work to do. I take a full hour for lunch every day, chat with co-workers, take care of a few personal things, etc. I used to have 5 hours of work every day and 4 hours to get it done. Now I have 6 hours of work every day and 8-9 hours to get it done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you busy doing?

I know people who have no free time because they are full time professionals with an additional small business and four children who travel a lot, and I know people who are SAH parents with extensive PTA and volunteer obligations, drive every carpool, participate in every activity, and host endless parties for elaborate social events (Flag Day, half birthdays, team dinners, etc...) and feel compelled to clean and renovate and bake a lot. I also know people who work two jobs, have a kid or two, and spend all their time sleeping, working, making dinner or grocery shopping, and might get to go to church or watch a tv show once a week.

The first two types could absolutely reclaim free time in different ways. The third really doesn't have a lot of good options.

But even the 3rd is often filled with really inefficient people. Like my neighbor who claims she has NO TIME but insists on going to Costco on Saturdays. I order my groceries online and pick them up at Harris Teeter - it’s free and fast. I do not wait in line to pay or to exit a parking lot. I have a friend that buys gifts for nieces and nephews- but she buys them in person or has them shipped to her and then wraps them and goes to the post office to mail them - it’s a choice. She could just ship it directly to the kid.

It doesn’t bother me if people make the choice that their kids only eat homemade baked goods or only wear thrifted clothes or whatever time consuming hobby they disguise as a necessary, non-negotiable life’s choice. It bothers me when they complain about not having any free time and fail to recognize the choices they make. They do have free time, they just choose to spend it baking or going to thrift stores.

I get what you're saying and that may be true for your neighbor but your post is really ignorant of the fact that some people are actually poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you busy doing?

I know people who have no free time because they are full time professionals with an additional small business and four children who travel a lot, and I know people who are SAH parents with extensive PTA and volunteer obligations, drive every carpool, participate in every activity, and host endless parties for elaborate social events (Flag Day, half birthdays, team dinners, etc...) and feel compelled to clean and renovate and bake a lot. I also know people who work two jobs, have a kid or two, and spend all their time sleeping, working, making dinner or grocery shopping, and might get to go to church or watch a tv show once a week.

The first two types could absolutely reclaim free time in different ways. The third really doesn't have a lot of good options.

But even the 3rd is often filled with really inefficient people. Like my neighbor who claims she has NO TIME but insists on going to Costco on Saturdays. I order my groceries online and pick them up at Harris Teeter - it’s free and fast. I do not wait in line to pay or to exit a parking lot. I have a friend that buys gifts for nieces and nephews- but she buys them in person or has them shipped to her and then wraps them and goes to the post office to mail them - it’s a choice. She could just ship it directly to the kid.

It doesn’t bother me if people make the choice that their kids only eat homemade baked goods or only wear thrifted clothes or whatever time consuming hobby they disguise as a necessary, non-negotiable life’s choice. It bothers me when they complain about not having any free time and fail to recognize the choices they make. They do have free time, they just choose to spend it baking or going to thrift stores.

I get what you're saying and that may be true for your neighbor but your post is really ignorant of the fact that some people are actually poor.

I am not talking about people who have no free time because they rely on their bus to get to their 3 jobs. I am talking about moms in Arlington who drive luxury SUVs, work a standard corporate job, and complain about being “sooo busy” due to situations they created themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am either working, parenting or doing admin relating to life and parenting at the moment at pretty much all times of day and night except when sleeping. Is this normal? I don’t remember my parents having as much to do as this.

I would like to ‘rise up’ in some way but not sure to whom exactly I would be protesting 😂

Didn't you post this during your free time?