Irrational jealousy?

[Anonymous]

A friend of ours held his 50th birthday abroad. It was couples only. We have all been friends for 20 years. We are the only ones with a young child. My husband went and joined the 5 couples. I stayed back alone to be with the kids. I’m quite resentful of my husband and especially the birthday person. He half-heartedly said I could bring my kid but I know it would be inappropriate and it’s smack in the middle of the school year. Am I just being irrational with jealousy of everybody? Not just my husband?

[Anonymous]

You don't get to be jealous of anyone.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to be jealous, I think most people would be. But if it is continuing past a simple "oh man, I am jealous and really wish I could have gone" then you need to get a hold of yourself. Being resentful of your husband and the birthday person is beyond irrational.

[Anonymous]

You feel left out. I get it.

[Anonymous]

If it helps, plan a trip for yourself to get a break from parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine to be jealous, I think most people would be. But if it is continuing past a simple "oh man, I am jealous and really wish I could have gone" then you need to get a hold of yourself. Being resentful of your husband and the birthday person is beyond irrational.

Why did the husband go and not you?

[Anonymous]

You can afford to celebrate someone's birthday overseas but you can't find some to care for your kid while your gone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can afford to celebrate someone's birthday overseas but you can't find some to care for your kid while your gone?

I did not feel comfortable leaving my young children with a babysitter for almost a week while I was on different continent. Other friends all have older kids or family that could cover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can afford to celebrate someone's birthday overseas but you can't find some to care for your kid while your gone?

I did not feel comfortable leaving my young children with a babysitter for almost a week while I was on different continent. Other friends all have older kids or family that could cover.

Smart Mom. Only $hit for brains parents would leave a young child/children with a sitter for a week while they were out of the country. Your husband should have recognized the situation and bypassed the trip so I categorize him as having $hit for brains. BFD, it’s only a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

No, op, your jealousy is not irrational. I’d not be pleased if my husband went away for a week to celebrate a friend who snidely told me “you can bring the kid”. Your husband should have told his pal “I’m glad you’re turning 50, I really am, I can’t make this party” and left it at that.
For those wondering why op doesn’t need to be the “cool wife”, she didn’t get married to stay home while the husband celebrated. She didn’t get married to have friends treat her like a servant, you’re good enough to do the grunt work out of sight, we trust you to handle everything while husband is gone, but we don’t actually want you here. Husband needs to understand what is happening and stand up for his wife.
Also,, social media will remind op of how she didn’t get to go on this trip. It’s one thing to not go on a trip and then look at slides 1970 style while drinking some good wine, it’s another to look at Facebook at fun cat pictures and then see “Jack was tagged in a memory” and it’s the trip you didn’t get to go on. It’s real easy to hang onto resentment when you have the little things in marriage that annoy us all and then see something that reminds you of a big thing you didn’t get to do.
I’d tell your husband you’d prefer he not go on the trip, or you both go and bring the kid if you want. Your husband married you, not his buddy. He needs to remember that and he needs to tell his friend either the polite version of “can’t make it” or “I don’t appreciate the comment towards my wife that the kid can come but not really, and I *really* don’t appreciate you expecting my wife to stay home while I do a fun trip without her”. Either of those should straighten the friend out if he’s a good guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can afford to celebrate someone's birthday overseas but you can't find some to care for your kid while your gone?

I did not feel comfortable leaving my young children with a babysitter for almost a week while I was on different continent. Other friends all have older kids or family that could cover.

This is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I remember years ago we were planning a girlfriends weekend getaway to upstate
NY. My bff (who lives in NYC) was nursing her baby and suggested that her husband and the baby come and stay at a nearby hotel so that she could still nurse him. I basically said “I guess” and I told her maybe she wasn’t ready for a girls trip yet. This was 15 years ago, she still laughs about it to this day, that she wanted to bring her baby along in a girls getaway.

Children aren’t always welcome, and that’s okay, I don’t get why you blame the birthday person for that. Would you rather he lie and say, absolutely bring them, and then resented you for bringing them? I do think you did the right thing by staying behind with your small children, and I understand feeling left out. Did you tell your husband you didn’t want him to go on the trip?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like something a guy who thought the days of raising kids was over but his younger, second wife wanted kids. So, at the time his friend/peers are free of parental responsibilities and able to celebrate a B-day overseas, he's still got daddy-duties that he's really not interested in.

[Anonymous]

You chose to have a child later in life. That's not the fault of your friend or even your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like something a guy who thought the days of raising kids was over but his younger, second wife wanted kids. So, at the time his friend/peers are free of parental responsibilities and able to celebrate a B-day overseas, he's still got daddy-duties that he's really not interested in.

No. We just had a surprise kid unlike the rest of the crew.