Irrational jealousy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like something a guy who thought the days of raising kids was over but his younger, second wife wanted kids. So, at the time his friend/peers are free of parental responsibilities and able to celebrate a B-day overseas, he's still got daddy-duties that he's really not interested in.

No. We just had a surprise kid unlike the rest of the crew.

So you have some older and one young child? How old are they?

[Anonymous]

Are you guys 50 or your husband? I dont how people can handle young kids in their 50s but if you are you should not be jealous because when we were handling young kids in our 20s and 30s you and hubby were probably partying.

[Anonymous]

It’s normal to feel left out, but you obviously cheerfully told your husband to take the trip. Be generous and plan your own trip with friends or a personal indulgent spa day. Try and feel grateful you have the resources to take getaways and enjoy your beautiful children. It is so easy to feel resentful in a marriage fight the urge.

[Anonymous]

To me you sound less jealous, and more resentful.

You’re irritated at your husband for ditching you with the kids, and at yourself for agreeing to it, and the friend for having the party in the first place. You only have control over one of those people. Consider if you honestly advocated for yourself in this scenario, whatever the outcome of that would be (that differs among couples). If not, let this one go and work on that.

FWIW my ex was a poor communicator, couldn’t advocate for himself, and the would quietly seethe when circumstances didn’t magically go his way. It was one of the things that broke us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me you sound less jealous, and more resentful.

You’re irritated at your husband for ditching you with the kids, and at yourself for agreeing to it, and the friend for having the party in the first place. You only have control over one of those people. Consider if you honestly advocated for yourself in this scenario, whatever the outcome of that would be (that differs among couples). If not, let this one go and work on that.

FWIW my ex was a poor communicator, couldn’t advocate for himself, and the would quietly seethe when circumstances didn’t magically go his way. It was one of the things that broke us.

OP here. Thank you for the very good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can afford to celebrate someone's birthday overseas but you can't find some to care for your kid while your gone?

I did not feel comfortable leaving my young children with a babysitter for almost a week while I was on different continent. Other friends all have older kids or family that could cover.

Smart Mom. Only $hit for brains parents would leave a young child/children with a sitter for a week while they were out of the country. Your husband should have recognized the situation and bypassed the trip so I categorize him as having $hit for brains. BFD, it’s only a birthday party.

Your DH should've recognized how unfair it would be and not gone. He was selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It’s normal to feel left out, but you obviously cheerfully told your husband to take the trip. Be generous and plan your own trip with friends or a personal indulgent spa day. Try and feel grateful you have the resources to take getaways and enjoy your beautiful children. It is so easy to feel resentful in a marriage fight the urge.

If this was our situation, DH would've said to get a sitter for a week, and if I said I wasn't comfortable with it, he would've said then that was up to me.

We were gone for 4 days for a wedding in MX when DCs were like 10 and 13. Left them with my sister who graciously came down to be with them. But, if she couldn't have done it, I think DH would've gone by himself.

[Anonymous]

I’m in my mid forties so we just finished all the 40th birthday trips. If your kids are in elementary, you could have arranged care if you really wanted to go. I don’t think you should be jealous of anyone. Have your own fun 50th birthday trip with your friends or with couple friends.

[Anonymous]

Any emotion, by definition, can be irrational.

[Anonymous]

To me it sounds like you want to play mommy modern you chose to skip the trip you chose not to bring your kid with you and not have a babysitter and now you want to pout

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of ours held his 50th birthday abroad. It was couples only. We have all been friends for 20 years. We are the only ones with a young child. My husband went and joined the 5 couples. I stayed back alone to be with the kids. I’m quite resentful of my husband and especially the birthday person. He half-heartedly said I could bring my kid but I know it would be inappropriate and it’s smack in the middle of the school year. Am I just being irrational with jealousy of everybody? Not just my husband?

You resent someone for having a milestone birthday and celebrating it?

Yes, you are being irrational. Sounds like you need a break but don't blame the birthday boy because he made different life choices than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s normal to feel left out, but you obviously cheerfully told your husband to take the trip. Be generous and plan your own trip with friends or a personal indulgent spa day. Try and feel grateful you have the resources to take getaways and enjoy your beautiful children. It is so easy to feel resentful in a marriage fight the urge.

If this was our situation, DH would've said to get a sitter for a week, and if I said I wasn't comfortable with it, he would've said then that was up to me.

We were gone for 4 days for a wedding in MX when DCs were like 10 and 13. Left them with my sister who graciously came down to be with them. But, if she couldn't have done it, I think DH would've gone by himself.

Yup. My sisters and I babysit like this for each other. Also my DH is one of the older ones from a large family and we have sometimes watched a younger sibling when needed, we also have no issue going solo

[Anonymous]

I guess I don’t understand resenting the birthday guy because he’s 50, and likely past the age of raising young kids; it would’ve been a bigger ask if he were turning 30 or 40. And he indicated you could bring your kid. Whether or not you were comfortable with that had nothing to do with him.

But your feelings are normal. Think about a trip/experience you’d enjoy, without the kids. That might help. Would your DH be willing?

Honestly, I miss those days when the kids were young. I imagine it wasn’t all bad? But it sounds like you need a break!

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like a martyr, and this is a mess of your own making.
You could have gotten a babysitter or flew family in to watch them.
You could have used your voice and told him you were uncomfortable with him going.
You could have hired a nanny and brought them+dc along.

But instead, you choose to stay home and are now pissed at yourself for it. Stop blaming someone for having a birthday or wanting to celebrate or go on a vacation.

[Anonymous]

I'm thinking OP is a troll.

First she has "young children"
and later she has "a surprise kid"

Ugh who wants either of those at 50!