Irrational jealousy?

[Anonymous]

OP. I recognize that I probably am a martyr.

Trip location was in Africa last week smack in the middle of school. We are in DC. No parents to look after kids if I skip town/continent. I think I should have been clear with my husband that it was not okay for him to join the couples trip and ditch me. Who does that? I do feel alienated by the trip organizer and especially his wife. It was not like they paid for anything. And it is well known in the social circle that I am the one that has a full time job but still does the lions share of the child rearing since husband is always traveling. Right now he iin London for pleasure and work. He will be out for three weeks.

[Anonymous]

I am the youngest of 7 friends and one turned 50 and went to Italy. I had young kids and I couldn't go. You can't do it all. Just get over it.

[Anonymous]

Who goes to africa for 1 week? It's like a 2 day flight there and back. Trolly trolly troll

[Anonymous]

Social IQ Lesson 101

Life’s not always fair.

Also is your child is so young you can’t leave with a sitter why do you keep bringing up that the trio was during the school year? Obviously the other parents didn’t have an issue with this and made it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I recognize that I probably am a martyr.

Trip location was in Africa last week smack in the middle of school. We are in DC. No parents to look after kids if I skip town/continent. I think I should have been clear with my husband that it was not okay for him to join the couples trip and ditch me. Who does that? I do feel alienated by the trip organizer and especially his wife. It was not like they paid for anything. And it is well known in the social circle that I am the one that has a full time job but still does the lions share of the child rearing since husband is always traveling. Right now he iin London for pleasure and work. He will be out for three weeks.

If you told him to go, and he went, are you upset that he didn't decline to go because you couldn't go? I think I get that, but he probably didn't realize you felt that way. Men don't have high EQ.

I think you should go on vacation without him and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social IQ Lesson 101

Life’s not always fair.

Also is your child is so young you can’t leave with a sitter why do you keep bringing up that the trio was during the school year? Obviously the other parents didn’t have an issue with this and made it work.

The other parents don't have young kids and/or most are out of the house. OP already stated that.

OP also didn't feel comfortable leaving kids a whole week with a sitter.

-not op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social IQ Lesson 101

Life’s not always fair.

Also is your child is so young you can’t leave with a sitter why do you keep bringing up that the trio was during the school year? Obviously the other parents didn’t have an issue with this and made it work.

The other parents don't have young kids and/or most are out of the house. OP already stated that.

OP also didn't feel comfortable leaving kids a whole week with a sitter.

-not op

So she should own that choice and stop complaining. It was a reasonable option that she chose to decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I recognize that I probably am a martyr.

Trip location was in Africa last week smack in the middle of school. We are in DC. No parents to look after kids if I skip town/continent. I think I should have been clear with my husband that it was not okay for him to join the couples trip and ditch me. Who does that? I do feel alienated by the trip organizer and especially his wife. It was not like they paid for anything. And it is well known in the social circle that I am the one that has a full time job but still does the lions share of the child rearing since husband is always traveling. Right now he iin London for pleasure and work. He will be out for three weeks.

This is the crux of your issue. Your ire at the trip organizer is misplaced--they may have chosen the dates based on cheap airfare and wanted to avoid school holidays.

But the real issue is that your H does not pull his weight and is thoughtless to boot. You need to be clear with yourself what you can put up with, and you also seem mad at yourself for not speaking up earlier. He will take advantage of you being the mature one every time, so better set boundaries going forward. The question is, why didn't you speak up and tell him it's not okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I recognize that I probably am a martyr.

Trip location was in Africa last week smack in the middle of school. We are in DC. No parents to look after kids if I skip town/continent. I think I should have been clear with my husband that it was not okay for him to join the couples trip and ditch me. Who does that? I do feel alienated by the trip organizer and especially his wife. It was not like they paid for anything. And it is well known in the social circle that I am the one that has a full time job but still does the lions share of the child rearing since husband is always traveling. Right now he iin London for pleasure and work. He will be out for three weeks.

This is the crux of your issue. Your ire at the trip organizer is misplaced--they may have chosen the dates based on cheap airfare and wanted to avoid school holidays.

But the real issue is that your H does not pull his weight and is thoughtless to boot. You need to be clear with yourself what you can put up with, and you also seem mad at yourself for not speaking up earlier. He will take advantage of you being the mature one every time, so better set boundaries going forward. The question is, why didn't you speak up and tell him it's not okay?

OP. Agree I should set boundaries. And thank you to all those that are adding in their $0.02z


But my friends especially the girl-friends are aware that he takes advantage of being the responsible parent so I do feel a bit double crossed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I recognize that I probably am a martyr.

Trip location was in Africa last week smack in the middle of school. We are in DC. No parents to look after kids if I skip town/continent. I think I should have been clear with my husband that it was not okay for him to join the couples trip and ditch me. Who does that? I do feel alienated by the trip organizer and especially his wife. It was not like they paid for anything. And it is well known in the social circle that I am the one that has a full time job but still does the lions share of the child rearing since husband is always traveling. Right now he iin London for pleasure and work. He will be out for three weeks.

This is the crux of your issue. Your ire at the trip organizer is misplaced--they may have chosen the dates based on cheap airfare and wanted to avoid school holidays.

But the real issue is that your H does not pull his weight and is thoughtless to boot. You need to be clear with yourself what you can put up with, and you also seem mad at yourself for not speaking up earlier. He will take advantage of you being the mature one every time, so better set boundaries going forward. The question is, why didn't you speak up and tell him it's not okay?

OP. Agree I should set boundaries. And thank you to all those that are adding in their $0.02z


But my friends especially the girl-friends are aware that he takes advantage of being the responsible parent so I do feel a bit double crossed.

When someone is planning a big group, they plan the date and what works works. This is not about you. Tel your husband you are annoyed with him and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social IQ Lesson 101

Life’s not always fair.

Also is your child is so young you can’t leave with a sitter why do you keep bringing up that the trio was during the school year? Obviously the other parents didn’t have an issue with this and made it work.

The other parents don't have young kids and/or most are out of the house. OP already stated that.

OP also didn't feel comfortable leaving kids a whole week with a sitter.

-not op

So she should own that choice and stop complaining. It was a reasonable option that she chose to decline.

She wanted her DH to be understanding, and also not go without her. I can understand that. IMO, a man who does this is basically ignoring his wife's feelings both about leaving the kids at home and being left with the kids while he goes and has fun. Yea, I get that unless OP told him this, he wouldn't get it, but I guess OP thought he *should* feel this way without her telling him, but that isn't how it works. I've finally figured out after 20+ years of marriage, two kids (15 and 19) that men have much lower EQ and don't feel the same way about parenting that moms do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I recognize that I probably am a martyr.

Trip location was in Africa last week smack in the middle of school. We are in DC. No parents to look after kids if I skip town/continent. I think I should have been clear with my husband that it was not okay for him to join the couples trip and ditch me. Who does that? I do feel alienated by the trip organizer and especially his wife. It was not like they paid for anything. And it is well known in the social circle that I am the one that has a full time job but still does the lions share of the child rearing since husband is always traveling. Right now he iin London for pleasure and work. He will be out for three weeks.

You doubling down on your resentment of the birthday man is very weird. He is allowed to do what he wants to do for his birthday, and I don't know why you think you are the main character in this friend group who needs to have SOMEONE ELSE"S BIRTHDAY planned around you and your oops baby! If you want to be mad at your husband, fine. But to blame the man celebrating his birthday is outrageous.

[Anonymous]

How is May 15th smack in the middle of the school year? Ok...

[Anonymous]

OP your husband already travels a lot for long periods of time right? Probably figured hey what's another week if wifey can't go.
Your problem is not just the party and it's not helping you to place blame on the birthday person or that trip planner.

[Anonymous]

It means you two are not his BEST friends. For them, he might have had a party closer to home.

You can't fault this person for your reproductive choices, OP, but...

...my husband would not have left me to go to a party abroad, I have to say. He would have stayed with me and the kids, and we'd have skipped it.