If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

If my kids don’t want to ski with their older cousins or their older cousins don’t want to ski with them, then they can ski with me. They’ll ski with me some of the time anyway, because we like that.

The question isn’t is there some way we can bring my 3rd sister. I have saved for years, and spent a lot of time teaching my kids on little local slopes, to be ready for this trip. We waited till my kids were ready to handle slopes that are bigger than what they can find locally, and then we waited another couple years due to pandemic. So, I want to be able to actually ski those bigger slopes. But I also know from family dynamics that I will end up on the little slopes with her kids because frankly telling a 9 and 11 year old that they have to ski with the 4 year old seems much meaner than telling an adult “we figured with a 5 month old this isn’t the year for you to join us”.

So, the question is can I get away with inviting my youngest sister? I get that everyone seems to think the answer is no.

It really depends on what type of open and honest communication you can have with the sister you don’t want to invite. If you are able to explain to her what you’ve outlined here in terms of why you want to invite your youngest sister and why you don’t think this trip would be a good fit for her family, then go for it. But you know your sister best, can she handle that type of honesty or will it ruin your relationship with her? I completely understand your perspective, as someone who’s kids are finally of the age where vacations are vacations and not just trips, I would not be thrilled to go on a vacation with another family that isn’t at that point yet. You’re not taking about a run of the mill weekend at the beach, it sounds like this is something you have been looking forward to enjoying for quite a while and adding an element to the mix that will take away from your enjoyment is not ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

If my kids don’t want to ski with their older cousins or their older cousins don’t want to ski with them, then they can ski with me. They’ll ski with me some of the time anyway, because we like that.

The question isn’t is there some way we can bring my 3rd sister. I have saved for years, and spent a lot of time teaching my kids on little local slopes, to be ready for this trip. We waited till my kids were ready to handle slopes that are bigger than what they can find locally, and then we waited another couple years due to pandemic. So, I want to be able to actually ski those bigger slopes. But I also know from family dynamics that I will end up on the little slopes with her kids because frankly telling a 9 and 11 year old that they have to ski with the 4 year old seems much meaner than telling an adult “we figured with a 5 month old this isn’t the year for you to join us”.

So, the question is can I get away with inviting my youngest sister? I get that everyone seems to think the answer is no.

no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

If my kids don’t want to ski with their older cousins or their older cousins don’t want to ski with them, then they can ski with me. They’ll ski with me some of the time anyway, because we like that.

The question isn’t is there some way we can bring my 3rd sister. I have saved for years, and spent a lot of time teaching my kids on little local slopes, to be ready for this trip. We waited till my kids were ready to handle slopes that are bigger than what they can find locally, and then we waited another couple years due to pandemic. So, I want to be able to actually ski those bigger slopes. But I also know from family dynamics that I will end up on the little slopes with her kids because frankly telling a 9 and 11 year old that they have to ski with the 4 year old seems much meaner than telling an adult “we figured with a 5 month old this isn’t the year for you to join us”.

So, the question is can I get away with inviting my youngest sister? I get that everyone seems to think the answer is no.

no

+1 no you can't. Do the trip with the one sister, don't feel bad about it, find a different way to celebrate with newlywed sister.

There is no way to do this without hurting the young kid sisters. Even if she understands logically it will feel awful.

[Anonymous]

Op, the fact that you even have a questions about this = you're kinda mean. You are use to calling the shots and having things your way. Start looking at your sisters as equals, peers to you, truly equal to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

If my kids don’t want to ski with their older cousins or their older cousins don’t want to ski with them, then they can ski with me. They’ll ski with me some of the time anyway, because we like that.

The question isn’t is there some way we can bring my 3rd sister. I have saved for years, and spent a lot of time teaching my kids on little local slopes, to be ready for this trip. We waited till my kids were ready to handle slopes that are bigger than what they can find locally, and then we waited another couple years due to pandemic. So, I want to be able to actually ski those bigger slopes. But I also know from family dynamics that I will end up on the little slopes with her kids because frankly telling a 9 and 11 year old that they have to ski with the 4 year old seems much meaner than telling an adult “we figured with a 5 month old this isn’t the year for you to join us”.

So, the question is can I get away with inviting my youngest sister? I get that everyone seems to think the answer is no.

I really have never heard of a ski resort that did not have ski school for all the ages of her kids. You think real skiers stay on the bunny slopes all day, they put their kids in ski school. Even good skiers do ski school so they can ski with their same age and skill level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older sister and I are planning on taking our families skiing either this Christmas Break, or next if covid dictates that. The youngest kid will be 10 and all are competent skiers, so everyone is old enough for a fair amount of independence on and off the slopes.

We didn’t invite my younger sister, whose kids range from 0 to 10. We love her but little kids would just change the dynamic. I can guarantee that if they come I’ll end up offering to stay back with the baby, while she skis or taking the 4 year with me and being stuck on the bunny slope. Plus then we’ll need to be quiet in the house after bedtime, and . . . Well traveling with little ones is just different. We’ve all been there.

But I also have a fourth sister, who is much younger and a newlywed with no kids. We are thinking of inviting them.

Would you be hurt if all your siblings went somewhere without you?

If I wasn’t invited, yes, I would be. If I was invited but chose not to go along, it wouldn’t bother me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

If my kids don’t want to ski with their older cousins or their older cousins don’t want to ski with them, then they can ski with me. They’ll ski with me some of the time anyway, because we like that.

The question isn’t is there some way we can bring my 3rd sister. I have saved for years, and spent a lot of time teaching my kids on little local slopes, to be ready for this trip. We waited till my kids were ready to handle slopes that are bigger than what they can find locally, and then we waited another couple years due to pandemic. So, I want to be able to actually ski those bigger slopes. But I also know from family dynamics that I will end up on the little slopes with her kids because frankly telling a 9 and 11 year old that they have to ski with the 4 year old seems much meaner than telling an adult “we figured with a 5 month old this isn’t the year for you to join us”.

So, the question is can I get away with inviting my youngest sister? I get that everyone seems to think the answer is no.

I really have never heard of a ski resort that did not have ski school for all the ages of her kids. You think real skiers stay on the bunny slopes all day, they put their kids in ski school. Even good skiers do ski school so they can ski with their same age and skill level.

I know that with an unvaccinated infant she is not going to put her older kids in ski school. I also know that if her kids get sent to ski school while their cousins have more freedom there will be lots of upsetness

Ski school has never been in my budget, so my kids learned the way I learned, at local resorts from mom or maybe a one hour lesson once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

If my kids don’t want to ski with their older cousins or their older cousins don’t want to ski with them, then they can ski with me. They’ll ski with me some of the time anyway, because we like that.

The question isn’t is there some way we can bring my 3rd sister. I have saved for years, and spent a lot of time teaching my kids on little local slopes, to be ready for this trip. We waited till my kids were ready to handle slopes that are bigger than what they can find locally, and then we waited another couple years due to pandemic. So, I want to be able to actually ski those bigger slopes. But I also know from family dynamics that I will end up on the little slopes with her kids because frankly telling a 9 and 11 year old that they have to ski with the 4 year old seems much meaner than telling an adult “we figured with a 5 month old this isn’t the year for you to join us”.

So, the question is can I get away with inviting my youngest sister? I get that everyone seems to think the answer is no.

Just go with your older sister. You can invite the other 2 sisters for a joint family event later. Take the long view: this one trip vs. hurt feelings that may fester for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

If my kids don’t want to ski with their older cousins or their older cousins don’t want to ski with them, then they can ski with me. They’ll ski with me some of the time anyway, because we like that.

The question isn’t is there some way we can bring my 3rd sister. I have saved for years, and spent a lot of time teaching my kids on little local slopes, to be ready for this trip. We waited till my kids were ready to handle slopes that are bigger than what they can find locally, and then we waited another couple years due to pandemic. So, I want to be able to actually ski those bigger slopes. But I also know from family dynamics that I will end up on the little slopes with her kids because frankly telling a 9 and 11 year old that they have to ski with the 4 year old seems much meaner than telling an adult “we figured with a 5 month old this isn’t the year for you to join us”.

So, the question is can I get away with inviting my youngest sister? I get that everyone seems to think the answer is no.

I really have never heard of a ski resort that did not have ski school for all the ages of her kids. You think real skiers stay on the bunny slopes all day, they put their kids in ski school. Even good skiers do ski school so they can ski with their same age and skill level.

I know that with an unvaccinated infant she is not going to put her older kids in ski school. I also know that if her kids get sent to ski school while their cousins have more freedom there will be lots of upsetness

Ski school has never been in my budget, so my kids learned the way I learned, at local resorts from mom or maybe a one hour lesson once in a while.

You are making up problems. If her kids can’t ski, it makes perfect sense for them to go to ski school. Let her figure out what to do with her baby. Let her figure out what to do with her kids that can only ski the bunny hill. Let her decide whether she wants to come or not.

[Anonymous]

Holy crap, that sounds hurtful! You can’t exclude one, OP. But you can invite her and make sure she knows you’re not going to stay back and babysit because you’ll be out on the slopes with your own kid(s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

If my kids don’t want to ski with their older cousins or their older cousins don’t want to ski with them, then they can ski with me. They’ll ski with me some of the time anyway, because we like that.

The question isn’t is there some way we can bring my 3rd sister. I have saved for years, and spent a lot of time teaching my kids on little local slopes, to be ready for this trip. We waited till my kids were ready to handle slopes that are bigger than what they can find locally, and then we waited another couple years due to pandemic. So, I want to be able to actually ski those bigger slopes. But I also know from family dynamics that I will end up on the little slopes with her kids because frankly telling a 9 and 11 year old that they have to ski with the 4 year old seems much meaner than telling an adult “we figured with a 5 month old this isn’t the year for you to join us”.

So, the question is can I get away with inviting my youngest sister? I get that everyone seems to think the answer is no.

I really have never heard of a ski resort that did not have ski school for all the ages of her kids. You think real skiers stay on the bunny slopes all day, they put their kids in ski school. Even good skiers do ski school so they can ski with their same age and skill level.

I know that with an unvaccinated infant she is not going to put her older kids in ski school. I also know that if her kids get sent to ski school while their cousins have more freedom there will be lots of upsetness

Ski school has never been in my budget, so my kids learned the way I learned, at local resorts from mom or maybe a one hour lesson once in a while.

You are making up problems. If her kids can’t ski, it makes perfect sense for them to go to ski school. Let her figure out what to do with her baby. Let her figure out what to do with her kids that can only ski the bunny hill. Let her decide whether she wants to come or not.

DP, OR, and I don't know why you seem so reluctant to accept this as a solution, go with your older sister and have fun! And stop agonizing over this and come up with something nice to do with the other sister.

The fact that you seem to be so bummed out about this option is kind of weird. It is the obvious and easy solution and was your original plan to begin with. What does your other older already going on the trip sister think?

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t get what you mean “from family dynamics” you will be watching her kids. If you tell her in advance that this trip is special, you’ve been planning for it for years, and you’re looking forward to being out on the slopes all day, then won’t she understand that you’re not going to be the babysitter?

[Anonymous]

I'm closer with some of my sisters and others and would hate to have to have it always be an all or nothing situation. There's certain activities I like to do with a couple of them and different activities I like to do with the others. Based on our ages abilities and our children those things differ quite drastically. I wouldn't care one way or the other if they planned something without me. We hang out enough where I wouldn't feel the need to be with them every time they want to do an activity with each other, that just seems a little over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t get what you mean “from family dynamics” you will be watching her kids. If you tell her in advance that this trip is special, you’ve been planning for it for years, and you’re looking forward to being out on the slopes all day, then won’t she understand that you’re not going to be the babysitter?

Well congrats then that you've never been used or underappreciated by your family. I used to always be the one stuck cooking because everyone assumed I loved it because I was good at it. I love large family get togethers because I would always be the one stuck making the majority of the things even though I complained about it and tried to delegate. One year I just stopped doing it and you would have thought I told them I hated them and never wanted to see them again for how they reacted that year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap, that sounds hurtful! You can’t exclude one, OP. But you can invite her and make sure she knows you’re not going to stay back and babysit because you’ll be out on the slopes with your own kid(s).

Yes she can this is the equivalent of a participation trophy. Adult get to choose who they hang out with and when they hang out with them. I don't understand why everyone needs to be included in everything all of the time my God you people are exhausting.