I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
PSA: If you have a friend who thinks that tending to your toddler is self absorbed, dumb her. Cut that cord and never look back. No mother needs that toxicity in her life.

PSA: if you’re invited to an adult event and you spent the whole time chasing another of your toddlers because you can’t afford a babysitter and can’t stop having children, don’t come. There’s a fine line between a play date and adult get together.

In addition to being toxic, reading is not your forte? PP stated that she had fiends to her home and alternated w DH for care. Once kids went to bed, both were present. So she can’t go to her own house? Not invite people over? This wasn’t a wedding. You’re a wretched state of affairs. Maybe envious of your friends’ families? I can’t figure out why else you’d be moaning on a DC Moms board. Hilarious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Correct. “It's impossible to have adult only time doing something fun because spending $60 an hour for a sitter is too expensive for them.” Hyperbolic, judge mental, self-satisfied and cruel. Super cool combo.

How is this cruel?

It’s literally too expensive for many families to pay someone to babysit 3 kids. If she is a SAHM and they live on one income. How are you not aware of this?
How much does a night out cost for them? At very minimum $60 just for sitter. What if it’s 3 hours away?

That’s why we never do adult things together. That’s why they tag along their kids everywhere. My friend is not going to pay $60 to a sitter to have a $10 lunch with me.

Is this OP responding? You are cruel. Your friend cannot spend $60 (ignoring your initial error in saying it’s per hour, not for the evening or lunch… please see above quote) and you are complaining that her life is inconvenient and unpleasant for you. Have empathy. Or, go after bed time. Or have a girls night. Literally so many solutions to this if you want to see them. But seems you’d rather complain.

I’ll say it again: hyperbolic, judgmental, self-satisfied and cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, my DH & I do trade off and on running after our 2 year old, but the other can socialize normally and we both can once they’re in bed.

Yeah, you just don’t understand that chasing your two year old around is not quality time spent with your friends and that you are not present for a meaningful conversation. And you are too self absorbed to look at it from others’ perspective.

Reading comprehension fail? One of us chases our youngest (maybe at an event maybe elsewhere, it depends) and the other socializes normally. The one chasing the two year old isn’t, in that moment, having meaningful conversation. Many of our friends are in a similar boat, so they know how this works. You were once a mom with a 2 year old, so your lack of empathy is sort of bizarre. Did you just lock them in a closet during those years? Thankfully my friends don’t suck as much as you. This is a season and not even that long of a season at that. No one has to chase our 4 year old anymore and our 6 year old would rather play with anyone but us at a gathering; worst case, she’s happy to read a book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
In addition to being toxic, reading is not your forte? PP stated that she had fiends to her home and alternated w DH for care. Once kids went to bed, both were present.

I’m not talking about when she’s at her house. I’m talking about when she’s at other people’s houses or restaurants or other venues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Is this OP responding? You are cruel. Your friend cannot spend $60 (ignoring your initial error in saying it’s per hour, not for the evening or lunch… please see above quote) and you are complaining that her life is inconvenient and unpleasant for you. Have empathy. Or, go after bed time. Or have a girls night. Literally so many solutions to this if you want to see them. But seems you’d rather complain.

I’ll say it again: hyperbolic, judgmental, self-satisfied and cruel.

Yeah, that’s the annoying part. People can’t afford $60 for a babysitter, but they keep having more kids.

And maybe that your choice that you won’t be able to have alone time with adult for the next fifteen years. But your friends didn’t sign up for this martyrdom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re old and have an only. We’re still ovulating and have fun fanilies. Can’t relate!

Way to go still ovulating! Nice job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have different friends with different age children. I have one twelve year old.

I find it impossible to maintain a friendship once they hit child #3.

It's impossible to have adult only time doing something fun because spending $60 an hour for a sitter is too expensive for them. They usually don't have any other support as no one wants to watch their kids for free.

If we get together with kids it's exhausting just to watch - both dad and mom are constantly chasing their 2 year old and 4 year old and making sure they don't kill themselves. You can't have a conversation with them because they're constantly running around after the kids. Also, if you have a nice, clean house with expensive furniture their kids will jump on your nice couch with their shoes on, spill juice on your carpet, leave hand prints on walls, etc. You'll need to do a deep cleaning afterwards.

Finally, they don't have any interests. These women usually don't work. Their life revolves around changing diapers and feedings and there is nothing to talk about other than which gymnastics class to take. It's utterly boring.

This is not a year or two. This lasts years.

All this makes me wonder why women sabotage themselves having 3-4 kids? Why do you do this to yourselves?

And is your cubicle 9-5 job so interesting to hear about? It
Is it so very fulfilling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 5 kids and have never paid more than 25 an hour for a babysitter. You have to try a lot of people and cast a wide net but eventually you get enough regulars to manage.

Let me guess - you live in panhandle Florida or Missouri or Ohio?

Exactly, I’m in LA and charge $30-35/hr for one child! Just wondering though where this $60/hr job is with 3 kids??? Dubai??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 5 kids and have never paid more than 25 an hour for a babysitter. You have to try a lot of people and cast a wide net but eventually you get enough regulars to manage.

Let me guess - you live in panhandle Florida or Missouri or Ohio?

Exactly, I’m in LA and charge $30-35/hr for one child! Just wondering though where this $60/hr job is with 3 kids??? Dubai??

In Georgetown and Chevy Chase, the going rate is $20 an hour. Less for younger teens.

Are you a Los Angeles babysitter!?!? Are you also an actress? After the kids go to bed, do you open up DC Urban Moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Is this OP responding? You are cruel. Your friend cannot spend $60 (ignoring your initial error in saying it’s per hour, not for the evening or lunch… please see above quote) and you are complaining that her life is inconvenient and unpleasant for you. Have empathy. Or, go after bed time. Or have a girls night. Literally so many solutions to this if you want to see them. But seems you’d rather complain.

I’ll say it again: hyperbolic, judgmental, self-satisfied and cruel.

Yeah, that’s the annoying part. People can’t afford $60 for a babysitter, but they keep having more kids.

And maybe that your choice that you won’t be able to have alone time with adult for the next fifteen years. But your friends didn’t sign up for this martyrdom.

My kids are grown now, but I never had a problem socializing with my friends when my kids were young. We were all moms; we went out to restaurants and got them their own tables, or we got a babysitter or two to watch them together, or we had nannies watch them. Mostly nannies. Or GASP, we sent them to another room while we all hung out.

Plently of time with other friends/adults. In fact, we all had so much in common, and we all laughed so much, that we are still dear friends. I've never seen that sort of connection with colleagues or coworkers. I still keep in touch with all of them too, but it's not the same close friendships that mothers form.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 5 kids and have never paid more than 25 an hour for a babysitter. You have to try a lot of people and cast a wide net but eventually you get enough regulars to manage.

Let me guess - you live in panhandle Florida or Missouri or Ohio?

Exactly, I’m in LA and charge $30-35/hr for one child! Just wondering though where this $60/hr job is with 3 kids??? Dubai??

In Georgetown and Chevy Chase, the going rate is $20 an hour. Less for younger teens.

Are you a Los Angeles babysitter!?!? Are you also an actress? After the kids go to bed, do you open up DC Urban Moms?

Yes? There’s a nanny board on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Is this OP responding? You are cruel. Your friend cannot spend $60 (ignoring your initial error in saying it’s per hour, not for the evening or lunch… please see above quote) and you are complaining that her life is inconvenient and unpleasant for you. Have empathy. Or, go after bed time. Or have a girls night. Literally so many solutions to this if you want to see them. But seems you’d rather complain.

I’ll say it again: hyperbolic, judgmental, self-satisfied and cruel.

Yeah, that’s the annoying part. People can’t afford $60 for a babysitter, but they keep having more kids.

And maybe that your choice that you won’t be able to have alone time with adult for the next fifteen years. But your friends didn’t sign up for this martyrdom.

Some of us have zero interest in forking out $60 plus lunch for a few hours. I wouldn't and we could afford it.

OP is exhausting if she doesn't want young kids around

[Anonymous]

My best friend has 4 kids. She works and the 4th is with her second husband and he does most of the toddler parenting.

She’s kind of an 80s kinda mom. Kids are definitely more of an accessory than a focus haha. We go to the gym, go out, it’s no biggie. Maybe helps that other than her 4th, all the kids are 9 and up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 5 kids and have never paid more than 25 an hour for a babysitter. You have to try a lot of people and cast a wide net but eventually you get enough regulars to manage.

Let me guess - you live in panhandle Florida or Missouri or Ohio?

Exactly, I’m in LA and charge $30-35/hr for one child! Just wondering though where this $60/hr job is with 3 kids??? Dubai??

GTFOH lol. Do you also color my hair and scrub my tile shower? $35/hour for one is idiocy lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re old if you have a 12yo. No wonder you don’t have much in common with non-perimenopausal moms.

Plenty of people with 12 year olds are in their mid 30s and nowhere near menopausal, but hey, at least you tried.