I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids

[Anonymous]

Mmmmm, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
When they told it's $60/hr for the babysitter, they were fibbing so they wouldn't have to tell you to your face they didn't want to hang out with you.

Haha, yep.
Sorry OP, they’re just not in to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp w 5 kids. I socialize w childless people. I have a spouse who can babysit. I really don't see how its any harder than 2 in terms of my social life. Once you need babysitting you need babysitting

Ok Mom of 5 kids. So your spouse babysits? Poor kids don't have a Dad?

Why can't I call it babysitting. Fine, he is capable of doing childcare so that I can leave the house. Call it what you want. I am a sahm so it is my job mostly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp w 5 kids. I socialize w childless people. I have a spouse who can babysit. I really don't see how its any harder than 2 in terms of my social life. Once you need babysitting you need babysitting

Ok Mom of 5 kids. So your spouse babysits? Poor kids don't have a Dad?

So you all need a spouse to babysit. I'm talking about getting together with spouses. Honestly, the spouses are more interesting because they have interesting careers, hang out around adults and are capable of holding a conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re old and have an only. We’re still ovulating and have fun fanilies. Can’t relate!

OP here. No, you're not fun. You don't have anything to talk about other than childcare. You're also always tired because you never get any sleep, but you spend your days cooking and cleaning and you complain all the time about your life. So why do this to yourself?

I agree that mothers with three kids tend to complain about their lives a lot. I sympathize but inwardly I’m thinking, but then why did you have three kids? What did you think it was going to be like?

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you. I also have one 12 year old, and I find that my friends are far more likely to be moms of 1, sometimes 2, or not moms at all. It's easier to hang out when you can just...be present. Those relationships, for me, are more likely to evolve or be easily maintained.

There are exceptions: for example, I have a good friend with 4, but the kids are 12+, and there is no watching of kids needed anymore. We just hang out alone.

I think a lot of this comes from being a person who makes friends for ME. I am friendLY with lots of moms/dads through school or sports, but that never has been how I make my own friends. That seems to be a really unpopular method in many circles, and it certainly doesn't bode for tons of school auction ragers, but it's how we do it and how my family likes to function.

[Anonymous]

Whether you suffer from secondary infertility or just don’t have the capacity to handle more than one child, I’m sorry that you feel so insecure, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re old if you have a 12yo. No wonder you don’t have much in common with non-perimenopausal moms.

Really? I'm not OP but I have a 12 yo and I am 38. I think she's kind of rude, but I sort of see her point. How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Its not the number of kids its the age. I have a 5 and a 2 year old. If it was just the 5 year old i would do a lot more stuff. Bu the little one makes it harder. But only for a little while longer.

[Anonymous]

Wow, sweeping generalizations much? I have six kids (2 step kids are included) and have never paid $60 an hour for a babysitter. Hell, because of their age differences, I don't think we've ever had anyone outside the family babysit all the kids at once - it's just never been needed. My kids are very well behaved, and yes, I got easy kids but still, we are strict on behavior and manners and they rise to the occasion.

Maybe try taking each person individually instead of categorizing people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re old and have an only. We’re still ovulating and have fun fanilies. Can’t relate!

OP here. No, you're not fun. You don't have anything to talk about other than childcare. You're also always tired because you never get any sleep, but you spend your days cooking and cleaning and you complain all the time about your life. So why do this to yourself?

I’m an AVP at a Big Ten. I travel and am a Master’s swimmer. Bye! Sorry you can’t handle more than one lonely child.

This is horrible mean. It was kind of rude of OP to make judgements in her original post, but this is beyond the pale and really reflects poorly on you. Shame on you. So mean.

[Anonymous]

I'm pregnant with my third, work FT in Biglaw with no plans to stop, and make time to socialize with my friends, all of whom predated my kids. If they also have little kids (which is most of them at this point), we do kid stuff sometimes. Otherwise we go out at night. It's not difficult for a babysitter to watch three sleeping kids. You are obviously generalizing, but in a way that suggests you personally have difficulty organizing yourself in a way that would enable you to conceive of maintaining a family life, job, and social life simultaneously. Plenty of people do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re old if you have a 12yo. No wonder you don’t have much in common with non-perimenopausal moms.

Really? I'm not OP but I have a 12 yo and I am 38. I think she's kind of rude, but I sort of see her point. How old are you?

34. I only have two (7 and 4) but none of the moms of 3 that I know fit this bill. Then again I’m not a bitter old raisin, so I guess social butterflies flock together and leave out the lemon-faced judgies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have different friends with different age children. I have one twelve year old.

I find it impossible to maintain a friendship once they hit child #3.

It's impossible to have adult only time doing something fun because spending $60 an hour for a sitter is too expensive for them. They usually don't have any other support as no one wants to watch their kids for free.

If we get together with kids it's exhausting just to watch - both dad and mom are constantly chasing their 2 year old and 4 year old and making sure they don't kill themselves. You can't have a conversation with them because they're constantly running around after the kids. Also, if you have a nice, clean house with expensive furniture their kids will jump on your nice couch with their shoes on, spill juice on your carpet, leave hand prints on walls, etc. You'll need to do a deep cleaning afterwards.

Finally, they don't have any interests. These women usually don't work. Their life revolves around changing diapers and feedings and there is nothing to talk about other than which gymnastics class to take. It's utterly boring.

This is not a year or two. This lasts years.

All this makes me wonder why women sabotage themselves having 3-4 kids? Why do you do this to yourselves?

You sound like a terrible friend.

-Mom of one

[Anonymous]

Oh honey. We socialize and go on trips…just not with you. You’re neurotic about your only, and your anxiety is just no fun to be around.