I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids

[Anonymous]

That hasn't been my experience - except the running wild in your house, that part rings true. But I haven't found moms of 3+ to be dull or unavailable. They tend to be the biggest volunteers at school and church.

IME they've had to let go of their kid anxiety more than I have, and tend to be pretty free range by necessity. Often the olders watch the youngers. Whether you agree with that practice or not, it does free mom up to do other stuff.

- mom of an only

[Anonymous]

No worries, they don’t want to be friends with you either.

[Anonymous]

You’re what, 45? I wouldn’t think we’d have much in common. Moms of online are always anxious and defensive anyway.

Pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re old and have an only. We’re still ovulating and have fun fanilies. Can’t relate!

OP here. No, you're not fun. You don't have anything to talk about other than childcare. You're also always tired because you never get any sleep, but you spend your days cooking and cleaning and you complain all the time about your life. So why do this to yourself?

[Anonymous]

You are not rabbits to have as many litters as you possibly can. You have a choice. Also, you trying to feel important is a disaster for our environment.

[Anonymous]

I was one of four, three of us born within three years. We were total hellions but my mom had plenty of friends. Some of them had a lot of kids too. I'm wondering if any of your acquaintances with more than two kids miss you much.

[Anonymous]

WTF? I only have one kid, but I defintely have friends with three kids, and we have fun together. We are not out partying, but will meet for a drink, lunch, dinner etc. without the kids. But our friendships do not involve our husbands, so they just watch the kids while we are out.

[Anonymous]

Mom of three here, hiiiiiiiii. I have a career and am fun and go out with girlfriends, or couples, or my husband often! Can afford childcare, though it would never be $60/hr even in my lovely Chevy chase neighborhood! But no, would not spend even a third of that an hour to spend time with you. You sound awesome, and your house even more so!

[Anonymous]

I'm not as judgmental about it as OP. I think people should have whatever kind of family makes sense for them, and I know people with 3+ kids and it's what they want and their families seem happy. It's not what I want for myself, but I don't think there is something wrong with it.

However, I do agree that as a parent with just one kid, 3 kids is about when our lives just don't match up well enough for us to maintain a close friendship. I have a sibling with 4 kids and we have some good friends with 3. And the thing that is challenging about it is that the dynamics of their family just kind of dictate everything. I feel like we are constantly being asked to accommodate them and never the other way around. It winds up feeling like a very one way relationship. And OP is right that having a ton of young kids around just kind of kills adult conversation, especially because of the age differences -- there's always an older kid who is bored and wants to go home, or a younger kid who needs more focused attention. It's so much easier to just get together with people who have 1-2 kids. The adults will outnumber them, and with fewer kids, often age differenced don't matter as much because the kids will just accept it instead of segmenting themselves by age group.

Also, I discovered a while back that having large families over to our house, which is a small 3 bedroom with a somewhat small outdoor area, is a disaster. We just stopped inviting our friends/family with large families because when they come it gets so loud and chaotic and someone is always getting into something. They just kind of take over and then they bicker with each other and it winds up being too overwhelming for us (we're used to much mellower gatherings).

But again, I could do without the judgment. I don't think there's anything wrong with a large family. But that doesn't mean I'm desperate to hang out with them either.

[Anonymous]

I don't feel the way OP does at all. But, I have noticed that parents of 3 kids or more tend to take a really long time to get back when I text about inviting their kids to stuff. I know they are busy, but it makes it tough when my kids don't know what to expect (especially my older son, who has ASD).

[Anonymous]

When they told it's $60/hr for the babysitter, they were fibbing so they wouldn't have to tell you to your face they didn't want to hang out with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp w 5 kids. I socialize w childless people. I have a spouse who can babysit. I really don't see how its any harder than 2 in terms of my social life. Once you need babysitting you need babysitting

Ok Mom of 5 kids. So your spouse babysits? Poor kids don't have a Dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
When they told it's $60/hr for the babysitter, they were fibbing so they wouldn't have to tell you to your face they didn't want to hang out with you.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 5 kids and have never paid more than 25 an hour for a babysitter. You have to try a lot of people and cast a wide net but eventually you get enough regulars to manage.

Let me guess - you live in panhandle Florida or Missouri or Ohio?

Boston, Massachusetts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re old and have an only. We’re still ovulating and have fun fanilies. Can’t relate!

OP here. No, you're not fun. You don't have anything to talk about other than childcare. You're also always tired because you never get any sleep, but you spend your days cooking and cleaning and you complain all the time about your life. So why do this to yourself?

I’m an AVP at a Big Ten. I travel and am a Master’s swimmer. Bye! Sorry you can’t handle more than one lonely child.