Why do SILs hate the women their brothers marry?

[Anonymous]

We’re all civil. I honestly don’t know what this there is about.

I live 1000s of miles away from my brother and his family; we see each other once or twice a year and are surrounded by young kids so can barely catch up on life.

His wife acts civil and hard to get to know, so we do too. Whatever. I’m not her go-to for gossip or swearing or complaining or questions, and vice versa. With her friends she’s that type of opinionated, super social, cursing, fun girl.

[Anonymous]

She does a lot of social media influencer stuff on the side which we think is just attention seeking. And due to her ADHd my brother has to tidy the house and discipline the kids a lot more every AM and after school. But that’s all I got.

[Anonymous]

There is a weird jealousy there. My dh's sister has never been welcoming towards me - hasn't wanted me in family photos, caused some drama at my wedding even though I asked her to be in my bridal party. After about 8 years, I told dh that I didn't want to take it anymore and we have essentially cut them out of our lives. They moved far away so it's not hard. My brother's wife is very lovely and we have a great relationship. Something I do wish I had with my sil but am over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not hate but protective - my SIL doesn’t work outside of home, she doesn’t extend any support for our aging parents, my brother works like a dog to bring money home to support the kids. He’s four years younger than me but looks 10 years older.
He met her during a gap year of travel, she is from a country where they attend university to get their Mrs.
however, she was unsuccessful and was travelling and met my brother.
Their eldest daughter finished college and lives at home, and does not work. No one pushing her either.

So, I’m not fond of her. Seems she wanted a luxe life and their daughter seems to expect same. They’re lazy and i feel bad for my brother, who used to be less grumpy and tired. He’s actually the youngest in our family and now he’s just a curmudgeon.

Presumably she has worked taking care of the house and the children.

Why should she extend support for your aging parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not hate but protective - my SIL doesn’t work outside of home, she doesn’t extend any support for our aging parents, my brother works like a dog to bring money home to support the kids. He’s four years younger than me but looks 10 years older.
He met her during a gap year of travel, she is from a country where they attend university to get their Mrs.
however, she was unsuccessful and was travelling and met my brother.
Their eldest daughter finished college and lives at home, and does not work. No one pushing her either.

So, I’m not fond of her. Seems she wanted a luxe life and their daughter seems to expect same. They’re lazy and i feel bad for my brother, who used to be less grumpy and tired. He’s actually the youngest in our family and now he’s just a curmudgeon.

This is a good example of the sister blaming the SIL for decisions made by the brother. Your brother is an adult and can make his own decisions. If he wanted his wife to work, she would. If he wanted his daughter to work, she would. If he wanted to not be a curmudgeon, he would. Period.

+1

So much misogyny.

[Anonymous]

My brother was married to my SIL for 25 years.

She finally divorced him.

I told her after year one to leave that SOB instead she chose to stay they had one child which they both messed up completely.

I never disliked her she is a great conversationalist and a nice human. However by staying with my brother while she could have left she was the breadwinner always is horrifying and I have zero empathy for her now.

I am horrified that she stayed with him for my neices sake and am horrifyed my parents and hers also supported no divorce.

They have been divorced for over 10 years now and my brother still brings her back to court.

I truely wish it was different. it did not have to end this way.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like some of your brothers just didn't marry a nice person, which is a shame. I adore my SIL, she's wonderful and a true blessing (a word I rarely use) to my family.

[Anonymous]

My SILs on both sides are wonderful people. My brother's wives (both exes) are lovely people that I have/had good relationship with. My husband's sisters are all really amazing people, and we get along really well. Hell, half the time, I like them better than I like my spouse.

[Anonymous]

My sisters in law gossip about me to their mom. Constantly. Its everything I say on the phone, text, or post to social media. If I run into them in town, they are so well-trained that they call their mom immediately to tell her they ran into me and what I was buying, or what I posted this time. Its weirdly pathetic. Their lives are pretty empty, evidently. They are not married, have kids, do not date or have boyfriends or relationships in any way, other than with their mom. I feel disrespected. I feel my husband is disrespected. I feel my marriage is disrespected. My mother in law condones this. She would rather talk about me than talk to me. I think the sisters are jealous to some degree that their brother found someone and they are still alone.

I have virtually no relationship with MIL and she's ok with that, and now I am too. I feel she's uncomfortable around me, she stiffens up and always looks panicked when she's left alone with me. She's so curious about me that I found out she was discussing me with her pastor, speculating on the reasons why I am no longer practicing my religion, which isn't her religion. I have found out that she has had long discussions about me to many, many people in her circle and I find it not just annoying, but dishonest, and odd, and gossipy. I try to put myself in her shoes and try to figure out just exactly what it is about me that she's so fascinated by that she feels the need to talk about me behind my back, but not to my face, but I'm coming up blank. I just dont understand these kinds of women.

I feel I cannot trust her or her daughters.
My husband tells me to ignore their bad behavior, and I've tried, but something always gets revealed in accident or passing, which stirs up my feelings of being disrespected by this crew. I think, 'Oh, they are talking about me, AGAIN. Still. Some more.'

I used to think the sisters were just ridiculous with this, but now I realize, they are trained this way by their mom. She's the head of the snake. They tell her everything about me, mundane, irrelevant, little things, to please her, apparently, the 'Good Christian' (as she parades herself around town to her bible study buddies) isnt so very 'good'. They do not love me, like me or respect me, my husband or my marriage. Despite their saying they do. Their behavior is opposite of what they say. I've learned (the hard way) to say and reveal very little to them in person, avoid gatherings and limit social media contact, to cut down on giving them something to talk about. When I posted anything, (dumb, irrelevant things, like a photo of our dog), first one to see the post calls the mom and reports it to her, like its important breaking news.

[Anonymous]

I love my brother's wife, she's like the sister I've never had. My H's sister is a jealous crazy mess, so I avoid her.

[Anonymous]

I adore my brother's wife. She's awesome. And she's always been really loving and kind to me (I was in middle school when they met!).

My DH's sister is fine. We don't super click, but we get along well enough.

[Anonymous]

My sister in law is wonderful, she's a lot like my mom actually. We are are not close, but it's not due to animosity, just physical distance and the fact that she has two sisters she is very close to, so she doesn't need me. I actually like her a lot more than I like my brother!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mean toxic SIL who has always been icy and rude to me to the point where she makes mean comments to my face and bullies me.

I don’t understand what I did to her. Then I searched DCUM and realize this is a common trope. Why are SILs so unpleasant?

When you're a prejudiced bigot, everyone seems like a terrible person. Study the mirror carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mean toxic SIL who has always been icy and rude to me to the point where she makes mean comments to my face and bullies me.

I don’t understand what I did to her. Then I searched DCUM and realize this is a common trope. Why are SILs so unpleasant?

Lost of terrible people, according to the encyclopedia of DCUM:

SIL
MIL
BIL
FIL
DIL
SIL
DS
DD
DS's friend
DD's friend
Teacher
Coworker
Boss
Neighbor

Why are they all so bad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mean toxic SIL who has always been icy and rude to me to the point where she makes mean comments to my face and bullies me.

I don’t understand what I did to her. Then I searched DCUM and realize this is a common trope. Why are SILs so unpleasant?

When you're a prejudiced bigot, everyone seems like a terrible person. Study the mirror carefully.

Not even a good troll attempt. 3/10.