Why do SILs hate the women their brothers marry?

[Anonymous]

I have a mean toxic SIL who has always been icy and rude to me to the point where she makes mean comments to my face and bullies me.

I don’t understand what I did to her. Then I searched DCUM and realize this is a common trope. Why are SILs so unpleasant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mean toxic SIL who has always been icy and rude to me to the point where she makes mean comments to my face and bullies me.

I don’t understand what I did to her. Then I searched DCUM and realize this is a common trope. Why are SILs so unpleasant?

OP, you need to ask yourself a few questions:

Do you engage your SIL when she is bullying?

How does she bully? Is she baiting you or criticizing something she knows you enjoy?

Is your SIL opposite you, and takes it personally?

Is she the narcissistic type?

Examples?

[Anonymous]

People with normal SILs don’t write about it. Well, except I will here: my SILs are awesome to me. They really do love me like I’m their actual sister.

People who are mean to their sibling’s wives are probably also mean to other people. I doubt they save it for their SILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mean toxic SIL who has always been icy and rude to me to the point where she makes mean comments to my face and bullies me.

I don’t understand what I did to her. Then I searched DCUM and realize this is a common trope. Why are SILs so unpleasant?

You are also the SIL, fyi. I don't hate my brother's wife but I dont know her. She never even tried to become part of the family. And we are not the family that demands anything.

It is what it is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People with normal SILs don’t write about it. Well, except I will here: my SILs are awesome to me. They really do love me like I’m their actual sister.

People who are mean to their sibling’s wives are probably also mean to other people. I doubt they save it for their SILs.

+1 I love my sis in law. She's changed my brother's life in an incredibly positive way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People with normal SILs don’t write about it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with normal SILs don’t write about it. Well, except I will here: my SILs are awesome to me. They really do love me like I’m their actual sister.

People who are mean to their sibling’s wives are probably also mean to other people. I doubt they save it for their SILs.

+1 I love my sis in law. She's changed my brother's life in an incredibly positive way.

THIS is exactly the kind of SIL we don't often hear about - the warm, welcoming, secure types who aren't worried about a new woman in the family.

[Anonymous]

I love my SILs! And I have protected my BIL’s new wife from my MIL who is crazy. Very grateful for both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with normal SILs don’t write about it. Well, except I will here: my SILs are awesome to me. They really do love me like I’m their actual sister.

People who are mean to their sibling’s wives are probably also mean to other people. I doubt they save it for their SILs.

+1 I love my sis in law. She's changed my brother's life in an incredibly positive way.

+2 my SILs are great. Amazing women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People with normal SILs don’t write about it. Well, except I will here: my SILs are awesome to me. They really do love me like I’m their actual sister.

People who are mean to their sibling’s wives are probably also mean to other people. I doubt they save it for their SILs.

+1
DH's middle sister can be bossy and demanding towards DH and me, but she is also like this with her other sibling and with non-family members.
She sees everything in black and white. There is no gray. And she doesn't like no for an answer.
I challenged her once, she stopped talking to me and she blocked me on social media for about 8 months. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is great too. Maybe you should own your issue instead of generalizing to everyone, OP.

[Anonymous]

My SIL and MIL had a dynamic where they decided everything and made all the plans and dh just showed up. It worked for a while with me but then our plans just became too hectic with kids and both our schedules. We can't just show up when other people need us all the time. We like it when our schedules get taken into account.

And then my SIL was really really upset anytime I tried to change anything about holidays. She was upset I rotated holidays between her family and mine. She was upset when I brought a dish that wasn't traditionally on her mom's Christmas table. She refuses to come when I host because she wants her mom to host instead (but then my parents aren't invited).

I'm not pushy, but she is. We still get along great and I just ignore things she says that I don't agree with. If we lived closer, we'd get along great. I'm a bit sad she never married and didn't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mean toxic SIL who has always been icy and rude to me to the point where she makes mean comments to my face and bullies me.

I don’t understand what I did to her. Then I searched DCUM and realize this is a common trope. Why are SILs so unpleasant?

My SIL's don't hate me.

I think that there are mean toxic people of both genders, and in every relationship. If one of them is your neighbor, you have more distance. If one of them is your sibling you have longer experience in setting limits and you're used to them, or maybe you love them and forgive them. Or maybe you already cut them off.

But a SIL or a MIL or a BIL or a FIL is a new sudden relationship, and if that person happens to be mean and and toxic, it gets old really fast.

[Anonymous]

2 SILs are truly 2 of the best women I know, 3rd is lovely. All 3 are perfect for my brothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL and MIL had a dynamic where they decided everything and made all the plans and dh just showed up. It worked for a while with me but then our plans just became too hectic with kids and both our schedules. We can't just show up when other people need us all the time. We like it when our schedules get taken into account.

And then my SIL was really really upset anytime I tried to change anything about holidays. She was upset I rotated holidays between her family and mine. She was upset when I brought a dish that wasn't traditionally on her mom's Christmas table. She refuses to come when I host because she wants her mom to host instead (but then my parents aren't invited).

I'm not pushy, but she is. We still get along great and I just ignore things she says that I don't agree with. If we lived closer, we'd get along great. I'm a bit sad she never married and didn't have kids.

I will never understand people that think you are supposed to spend every holiday with one side of the family and the other persons family should just suck it up.