Why do SILs hate the women their brothers marry?

[Anonymous]

Jealous.

[Anonymous]

They are upset at the loss of sexualpartner.

[Anonymous]

I have the opposite issue, SIL married my brother and wants nothing to do with me. I've just given up at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mean toxic SIL who has always been icy and rude to me to the point where she makes mean comments to my face and bullies me.

I don’t understand what I did to her. Then I searched DCUM and realize this is a common trope. Why are SILs so unpleasant?

In- laws are always a touchy situation. They’re not friends they’re not really family. It takes a lot of patience and social skills to make it work.

I obviously don’t know your situation but in my situation my sil clearly feels excluded and bullied but it’s really a function of how sensitive she is. For example, my mom invited my brother over for a family dinner. This conflicted with some kind of girls night out my sil was having. When it was suggested that my brother could come over with just the kids the sil freaked out. She concocted a scenario that we were try to split them up and that my mom picked the night because she knew the sil couldn’t make it. Which is insane as there’s no way mom knows her social calendar.

Things like this has come up a couple of times and as a result the family doesn’t really like her. Which she picks up on and the cycle becomes ever more vicious.

My solution with my in laws is to just be committed to kindness and to overlook slights. It’s worked and we have a reasonably good relationship.

[Anonymous]

I love my SIL. We bond over the behavior of our nuts MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People with normal SILs don’t write about it. Well, except I will here: my SILs are awesome to me. They really do love me like I’m their actual sister.

People who are mean to their sibling’s wives are probably also mean to other people. I doubt they save it for their SILs.

This. Crazy about both my SIL's. They're great and I'm happy to have them in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mean toxic SIL who has always been icy and rude to me to the point where she makes mean comments to my face and bullies me.

I don’t understand what I did to her. Then I searched DCUM and realize this is a common trope. Why are SILs so unpleasant?

In- laws are always a touchy situation. They’re not friends they’re not really family. It takes a lot of patience and social skills to make it work.

I obviously don’t know your situation but in my situation my sil clearly feels excluded and bullied but it’s really a function of how sensitive she is. For example, my mom invited my brother over for a family dinner. This conflicted with some kind of girls night out my sil was having. When it was suggested that my brother could come over with just the kids the sil freaked out. She concocted a scenario that we were try to split them up and that my mom picked the night because she knew the sil couldn’t make it. Which is insane as there’s no way mom knows her social calendar.

Things like this has come up a couple of times and as a result the family doesn’t really like her. Which she picks up on and the cycle becomes ever more vicious.

My solution with my in laws is to just be committed to kindness and to overlook slights. It’s worked and we have a reasonably good relationship.

Umm where did you get that in laws aren’t family? I very much consider my MIL family and would be incredibly sad if she didn’t see me the same way.

It sounds like with the situation with your SIL this probably wasn’t her first rodeo with being left out your mom has probably excluded her from other things and this is the straw that broke the camel’s back. People don’t usually get that upset over one misunderstanding like that.

Also I bet if it was reverse and your brother was the one who was busy would your mother think to invite your SIL over with the kids without your brother. Hmm I’m thinking probably not so that’s another reason she could be upset because she just treated as an equal and rather as an outsider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mean toxic SIL who has always been icy and rude to me to the point where she makes mean comments to my face and bullies me.

I don’t understand what I did to her. Then I searched DCUM and realize this is a common trope. Why are SILs so unpleasant?

In- laws are always a touchy situation. They’re not friends they’re not really family. It takes a lot of patience and social skills to make it work.

I obviously don’t know your situation but in my situation my sil clearly feels excluded and bullied but it’s really a function of how sensitive she is. For example, my mom invited my brother over for a family dinner. This conflicted with some kind of girls night out my sil was having. When it was suggested that my brother could come over with just the kids the sil freaked out. She concocted a scenario that we were try to split them up and that my mom picked the night because she knew the sil couldn’t make it. Which is insane as there’s no way mom knows her social calendar.

Things like this has come up a couple of times and as a result the family doesn’t really like her. Which she picks up on and the cycle becomes ever more vicious.

My solution with my in laws is to just be committed to kindness and to overlook slights. It’s worked and we have a reasonably good relationship.

Wait hold up did your mom really try to invite your brother to a family dinner excluding his wife the mother of her grandchildren and the most important family member in her son’s life and then have the audacity to label it a family dinner when she excluded one of the members of her son’s immediate family.

I can see why your SIL feels excluded that’s literally the definition of excluded.

Once married it’s incredibly rude for your mother to invite your brother over and tell him his wife isn’t invited. What the hell!? They are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mean toxic SIL who has always been icy and rude to me to the point where she makes mean comments to my face and bullies me.

I don’t understand what I did to her. Then I searched DCUM and realize this is a common trope. Why are SILs so unpleasant?

In- laws are always a touchy situation. They’re not friends they’re not really family. It takes a lot of patience and social skills to make it work.

I obviously don’t know your situation but in my situation my sil clearly feels excluded and bullied but it’s really a function of how sensitive she is. For example, my mom invited my brother over for a family dinner. This conflicted with some kind of girls night out my sil was having. When it was suggested that my brother could come over with just the kids the sil freaked out. She concocted a scenario that we were try to split them up and that my mom picked the night because she knew the sil couldn’t make it. Which is insane as there’s no way mom knows her social calendar.

Things like this has come up a couple of times and as a result the family doesn’t really like her. Which she picks up on and the cycle becomes ever more vicious.

My solution with my in laws is to just be committed to kindness and to overlook slights. It’s worked and we have a reasonably good relationship.

Y’all sound like a-holes, down to the excluding your sil and calling her too “sensitive.” I doubt you have a good relationship with your in laws. They probably see you for the douche you are and keep you at arm’s length.

[Anonymous]

Why do some people on DCUM just insist on perpetuating stereotypes of people, particularly but only inlaws? It really demonstrates a significant lack of cognitive ability.

If your SIL is causing you issues it's either because she as a person has issues or you do. It's not because she's your SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do some people on DCUM just insist on perpetuating stereotypes of people, particularly but only inlaws? It really demonstrates a significant lack of cognitive ability.

If your SIL is causing you issues it's either because she as a person has issues or you do. It's not because she's your SIL.

Omg groundbreaking insight. You’re so smart.

[Anonymous]

I married an immigrant family and I should have realized that they did not like it that their child wasn't nearby. He moved away from them but it didn't matter. They resented it because they wanted a larger enclave of specific cultural family around them. As an American I could go anywhere and fit in but they really only had this small community. Anyway there was also mental health issues in the family and they all got very weird. It probably would have been better in hindsight to make an effort to move closer to them but not very close or in turn move far away from my family so we were far away from both.

[Anonymous]

Love my SIL. I knew she and DH were very close when I married him so I worked at our relationship. I showed lots of interest in her children who at the time were very ill behaved, went out of my way to extend invitations to include her and the family and most importantly didn’t expect anything from her. When her family needed us, we were there. I invested in getting to know her. None of this was really reciprocated, she was perfectly pleasant but she and I are drastically different. It took a long time but we are extremely loose children might as well be siblings and DC and I are headed up to visit with her and the family (without her brother) in a few weeks. There are times when she and I annoy each other but we get past it. It’s very much like my relationship with my sisters. It takes work.

[Anonymous]

In my case it's because my SIL wanted an incestuous relationship with her brother/my DH. We've cut all contact.

[Anonymous]

I havent read any responses so this may have been said already. But the reason is the same as why MIL/DIL often don’t get along, and why often female friend groups have “cliques”, and why there are countless threads criticizing Megan Markle and Princess Kate and Taylor Swift.

Because women are often their own worst enemies, and are one another’s harshest critica. If women could build each other up more and cut down less, or at stop judging each other, we’d see a lot less posts in the Family Relationships and Entertainment categories of dcum.